


Breathe Me

by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Depression, Inspired, M/M, Recovery Story, sia, solangelo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 03:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 56,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8605699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney
Summary: Nico di Angelo has never been very good with expressing the emotions that tear him apart inside. And no one has ever bothered to ask him about them either. Until one day, someone listens more carefully than most to his song and asks all the right questions. It's not like he's being nosy. Will really wants to help. He really is worried. But he has no idea how to get through the tough exterior and the walls Nico has put up for himself. He has no idea if Nico would want him to. This is a story of recovery. There is no intentional self harm, but there is underage drinking which I do not condone. Thank you :)





	1. Chapter 1

College wasn’t nearly as terrifying as people made it seem. It wasn’t much of a change. At least not for Will. Being independent wasn’t that different from how it was back home. His mom worked all day and he watched his sister while she did, which meant he had to learn to cook and clean and help her with homework while managing his own.

He’d looked forward to college. To being able to be his age instead of a fatherly brother. What he hadn’t looked forward to were the awkward friendless days and lack of transportation or money. He would forget to eat sometimes, but he didn’t want to make food in bulk like he always did because he was on his own. He had no one to share with.

It wasn’t too bad. He was good at socializing, at talking to people he met in the café or on his way to class or in class. They were just never official friends. They weren’t people Will saw himself hanging out with off campus, or people he found himself taking up to his dorm to watch a movie or play a game.

His campus was relatively small. A college that was hard to get into but not very well known. He saw a lot of familiar faces, but none of them had names in his mind.

As he walked with his head bent over his phone, someone rammed into him at a corner. “Oh s-” He stopped when a pair of hands pushed him back and looked up to see a dark haired guy scowling at him through a grunt of annoyance. “S-sorry,” Will muttered.

The guy gave him half an eyeroll and walked away. Will felt his cheeks flare with embarrassment and anger. He shut his eyes and took a breath and kept walking. As he walked into class, a guy he usually sat beside turned to him excitedly.

“Dude!” he exclaimed, taking Will by surprise because he hardly ever initiated conversation if not for a partner discussion. “Listen, the café is having an open mic night and me and buddy are performing. I wanted to know if you’d come to, you know show support.”

“Oh. Sure what time?” he answered.

“Seven. It goes on until nine, but you don’t have to stay the whole time.” Will nodded and jotted it down on his hand. “Thanks, man.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He smiled and turned his attention to the professor as class started.

Will figured it’d be fun to hear people sing and play their instruments at this thing, so he was actually looking forward to it. He was looking forward to it so much, he got there half an hour early and found himself seated near the front, reading a book as he waited.

When the performances began, Will found himself captivated by the bravery of people going up to sing original songs, people that messed up and laughed at themselves and started again with encouragement from the audience, captivated by the voices.

He felt a hand at his shoulder and turned to see his sort-of-not-really friend. “Hey dude! Glad you made it.”

“I told you I’d come,” he said.

“Yeah, but you actually did it.”

Someone else tugged on his friend’s arm. “Come on, Leo, we’re about to go on.” The other guy pulled an electric guitar strap over his shoulder and made his way to the stage.

“Gotta go,” Leo said. He followed the other guy to the edge of the stage as he messed with a speaker for his guitar. Will narrowed his eyes and tried to get a better look. He wasn’t all that certain, but he had a feeling the guy was the same one he’d bumped into earlier in the day.

Applause roared in his ears as the person singing finished and Will clapped as well, though rather robotically. Leo took the stage, with his usual wide smile. “Hey everyone! I’m Leo, this is my buddy, Nico.” He gestured over to Nico who was bent over the amp. When Nico realized attention had been called to him, he gave an uncaring wave and returned his attention to his guitar, plucking the strings. “Uh, we’re- well _I-_ am going to sing an original song and uh… well I hope you guys like it.”

He whispered something to Nico and Nico shook his head before standing to his side, a little further back. A soft chime began and then the sound of the guitar in single plucks reverberated through the café. Leo was tapping the rhythm on his leg before he began singing. He had one of those voices that weren’t necessarily deep, but not too high either, like the guy that sang _Hey There, Delilah,_ and it fit him incredibly well. It fit the song.

Will listened to the lyrics and felt goosebumps rise on his skin. They were so lonely, so afraid and emotional, things Will couldn’t correlate to the happy, smiling Leo. But as he sang, his face was solemn, his eyes flickered back toward Nico, who kept his head bent as he played. The chorus faded away and chimes filled the room, but it wasn’t over. Suddenly, the sound of the guitar slice through the soft chimes, bringing a whole new feeling of pain and desperation to the song. A cheer rose through the crowd as the note vibrated, high and loud, followed by another and a pattern of eerie anger. He lifted the neck of the guitar as one string vibrated, strong and defiant before he strummed a chord and Leo came back in.

Everyone was leaning forward, filled with the energy of the voice, of the guitar. Will wondered if anyone else was really paying attention. Because if they were, they would have felt as rigid and worried as he did.

Suddenly, the song came to a slow, gentle end. The café cheered and Leo turned, hitting Nico’s arm gently and giving him a small smile. Nico nodded and began packing his things. Will stood and walked over to Leo when he got off the stage. “Dude, you have a great voice,” he said. “And the song…. Damn, Leo-”

“Wait,” he said, putting his hand up. “Before you compliment me on the lyrics, you should know it wasn’t me. Nico writes the songs. I just sing them. He never takes credit though.” Will blinked and furrowed his eyebrows as Nico came up to Leo.

“Hey, dude, I’m gonna go get a smoke, could you watch my guitar?” Leo nodded and Nico’s gaze drifted momentarily to Will before he left.

“I bumped into him earlier today,” Will mentioned. “He’s not very friendly, is he?” Leo chuckled and sat down as the next person began reciting some slam poetry.

Will’s eyes flickered from person to person until he was looking through the glass window walls where a shadow leaned back hunched and tense. Without saying anything, he got up and left the café to talk to him.

It was drizzling lightly outside, and surprisingly dark despite the hour. He could smell cigarette smoke and wrinkled his nose. He turned to where Nico was standing, taking in a deep breath with his cigarette in his mouth, his fingers curled in, close to his lips where they held it.

He leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closed, and he exhaled slowly, smoke escaping his lips in a thin stream that congregated in a small cloud before dissipating under the rain.

Nervously, Will stepped toward him and took a breath. “Uh,” he began. Nico’s eyes flew open and he looked at Will with a shocked expression before it turned into confusion, then complacency. Will cleared his throat and gave him a thin smile. “Leo told me you wrote the song. I just wanted to say it was really good. And you play really well too.”

“Thanks,” he said, one eyebrow gently arching up for a second.

He put his cigarette to his lips again and Will shifted. “The solo was really cool.” Nico’s eyes tightened slightly as he inhaled. “The song was really sad, but the music was really upbeat, so… that was a cool artistic move.”

Nico blew out the smoke again, his lips attempting to conform to a smile. When the smoke gone, he chuckled and shook his head. “Thanks,” he said again. “What’s your name?”

“Will. I uh, bumped into you earlier today.” Nico raised an eyebrow. But he didn’t say anything. He just closed his eyes and flicked his cigarette to get rid of the ash. Will bit his lip and looked him over for a moment.

He was decked out in black, which wasn’t weird. A lot of college kids stuck to the dark jeans and dark shirt look. But Nico didn’t seem awkwardly out of place with it. His clothes wasn’t all designer and new. His jeans didn’t look like they’d been bought torn- it looked like Nico himself had slashed at them and frayed the edges. They looked faded, and his shirt’s band design was sprinkled with the black fuzz that accumulated after too many washes. His leather jacket had little scratches and worn edges, but still looked shiny. His shoes were worn and scuffed, untied.

Then there was his physical appearance. His hair was sticking up in odd places, like he’d rolled out of bed and hadn’t bothered to actually style it. His lashes were long and his cheek bones prominent. He had full lips that encased the tip of his cigarette and long fingers with short nails and guitar string marks to hold it. He was a lanky person, most of his bulk coming from his clothes, rather than his actual body. Or so it seemed. He was a few inches shorter than Will, but when he’d looked at him, there was a sort of assumed authority in his eyes.

“Um, you know the song… well, I was just wondering what… inspired it?” Nico’s eyes opened and fixated on Will. The look in his eyes told Will he was treading in dangerous territory.

“It’s just a song,” he answered flatly.

“But… it was filled with… need. With hurt, and-”

“And what?” he snapped, pushing himself off the wall, shedding all image of a relaxed teenager and turning it into defensive anger. “What you think I’m just going to _tell you_ every little meaning? That I’m going to give you my entire backstory and explain it all? I don’t even know you.”

“I just want to know if you’re okay,” Will protested, feeling his own anger rise. “I’m not trying to get you to spill all of your dirty secrets, I just wanted to know if you felt you needed to talk about something, because that song-”

“That song is just a song,” he said, in a tone so quiet, but so tense, it was more terrifying than if he’d shouted at Will. “I suggest you stop being nosy and let me finish my cigarette in peace.”

He glared at Will for a moment before turning away and putting his cigarette to his lip. “You know that’s bad for you, right?” he said, if only to have the last word.

Nico looked at him and scoffed, letting out the smoke in an ungraceful huff. “Oh, shit really? I was wondering what that cancer warning was doing on the fucking pack.” He kept his eyes on Will as he brought his cigarette to his lips and blew it out in a thin stream towards Will’s face.

Will clenched his jaw and fought the urge to gag. He didn’t say anything, but with Nico’s smug expression, his anger flared, and he slapped the cigarette out of his hand and onto the damp ground. He stepped on it and walked away angrily.

The next day, Will seemed to notice Nico more than ever before. Almost everywhere he went, he’d see him walking a few feet away, always with a lazy gait, and usually with a cigarette in his hand. He wondered how many he went through a day. Then he remembered he didn’t care. But as a doctor he did. But he wasn’t a doctor. And Nico was a jerk anyway.

As he was returning to his dorm, he heard someone call his name and saw Leo walking towards him from across the lawn. “Hey,” he said in a huff. “Listen, a friend of mine is having a party today. Did you want to come?”

“Uh… I’m not sure, I don’t really do parties. I’m more of a mall with friends type of socializer.”

Leo smiled and shook his head. “You won’t be pressured to drink or anything. Seriously you should come.”

Will sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

“I’m picking you up at eight. I plan to show up at your dorm and force you out if I have to.”

Will furrowed his eyebrows and scratched his head. “This isn’t really sounding like a very healthy friendship, man.” Leo laughed and shook his head as he walked away.

***

The cup of lukewarm cocoa had captivated Nico’s attention for about five minutes before someone plopped down in front of him and pulled him away from his thoughts. “What?” he asked Leo.

“Party. Be ready by 7:30. I’m driving.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “One, I don’t trust you to drive, two, I have homework, and three, I don’t want to go to a party.”

“Well I have one reason that is going to throw all three of those arguments in a millisecond.” Nico looked at him complacently. “Will is going to be there.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair. “And I care because…?”

Leo rolled his eyes and leaned over the table. “Don’t play that game with me. I know things. I know,” he said menacingly. Nico glanced away from him and noticed other people staring at them. He looked back at Leo and waited for an actual explanation, given he even had one. “Oh come on. Last night you spent like two hours ranting about him without realizing you were actually gushing over him.”

Something twisted in his chest and he crossed his arms. “Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about?”

His curly haired friend rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in frustration. Then, in a high pitched voice, he mimicked Nico’s rant. “Oh, did you see that blond guy? He came up to me asking about my ‘inspiration!’ I mean who does he think he is? Does he think that just because he has a pretty face people just do what he wants? And he threw my cigarette to the ground! Don’t let that stupid sweet face fool you, Leo, he’s a jerk! And his eyes are so blue, and his freckles-”

“I did _not_ say anything about his blue eyes and freckles,” Nico hissed. “And I meant what I said. No subtext intended.”

“So you think he has a sweet, pretty face?”

Despite himself, Nico’s cheeks burned. “Just because I can say someone’s attractive doesn’t mean I like them or even have a crush on them. Haven’t you ever met an attractive person that gets on your nerves?”

“Not within two minutes worth of conversation,” he responded. Nico scowled and returned to looking at his cup. “Come on, seriously. Come to the party. It’ll be fun.” For a second Nico hesitated.

He had two options. Stay in his dorm and find himself mulling over all the things that drove him nuts until he couldn’t handle it, or go to a stupid party for a while so he’d be distracted and hopefully return too tired to bother staying up or thinking. He let out a breath with a trill of his lips and sighed. “Fine. I’ll go. But just for a little. And not because of that guy you’re friends with.”

“Oh, suddenly you don’t know his name?” Leo teased. Nico flipped him off and Leo laughed, shoving his hand away. “Don’t be rude. I have to get to class. Be ready by 7:30.” Nico nodded and watched him go. He returned to looking at his cup and frowned.

Yesterday, he’d been upset with the crowd response. They all seemed energized and excited, with wide smiles and gleams in their eyes. That song always left Nico feeling exhausted. But no one seemed to realize exactly what his song meant. And it was infuriating that people only heard an upbeat tune and assumed the entire song was happy.

He’d stepped outside to calm his nerves with a cigarette, thinking exactly that. Wondering, pleading for someone to notice. His exact thought had been, _Will anyone ever recognize the song for what it is? Will they know it’s all me?_

And two seconds later a worried looking blond was standing beside him, complimenting him, noting the symbolism of the music, noting the lyrics. A complete stranger had heard Nico’s cry for help. Had said and asked everything Nico had wanted to hear.

Still, hearing it had only sparked every fear and defense in his body. Maybe it was because he was a stranger. Because it hadn’t been Leo or Percy or Annabeth or Jason or Piper that had asked him. All of them had just accepted that Nico was usually melancholic, and they made sure to check on him, to try and lift his spirits. But they never knew why. They never knew how bad it was. They never offered to help in a way that was more than saying, “It’ll be okay. You have us.”

But Will had. He wanted to know if Nico needed to talk. He wanted to know what bothered him, what hurt him, what made him write his song. Instead of appreciating it and responding, or maybe just politely declining, he’d gone completely ballistic and went as far as blowing smoke into his face.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at his cup again, but when he looked up to clear his head, he caught a pair of blue eyes looking at him curiously. When Will noticed Nico looking at him, his eyes widened and he rushed into the café, leaving Nico feeling both aggravated and slightly guilty.

Later, he was looking in his closet for an outfit to wear, wondering why he even bothered if he didn’t really plan on staying. Eventually he decided on a pair of dark jeans and a T-shirt featuring Mumford and Sons. He pulled on his shoes and was fumbling with his hair, trying to keep it out of his eyes, when his door flew open and Leo sauntered in, smelling like cologne.

He stood beside Nico and raised an eyebrow. “You tried,” he said in surprise.

“Huh?”

“You tried. You actually tried dressing up. And you’re trying to do your hair.”

Nico rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Leo, I wear this all the time. These are just newer clothes so they don’t look faded. And I always try to keep my hair out of my face. Stop trying to make it seem like I’m doing it for Will.”

He smiled triumphantly and tousled Nico’s hair. “I didn’t even say his name!”

Nico shoved him away and scowled, feeling a light blush on his cheeks. “No but you’ve been saying that all day today. I know what you meant.” He looked at the mirror and huffed, shoving his hair back. “Screw it. Are we going?”

Leo nodded and started for the door. Nico sprayed himself with cologne once before following, making sure he had his phone and keys. As he opened the door to the passenger side, he saw a large box. “Go in the back,” Leo said.

“Can’t I just move this to the back seat?” Nico pointed out.

“No, dude. I need that up front. Come on, the party’s not that far.” Nico rolled his eyes and got in. Leo drove for a bit until he stopped at another dorm hall. “I have to get something. I’ll be back.” Nico frowned as Leo left and leaned his head against the window.

He sighed and stared at the back of the seat, following the pattern of the cloth that had no beginning and no end. Suddenly, that dreadful hollow sadness began to fill him again. He wondered what the point of going to this stupid party was. He would only feel left out and lonely. Leo always ended up crashing at Jason’s place, so Nico knew it’d be up to him to find a way back. And he knew he’d be on his own half the time. Maybe he could find a cute boy to kiss. Maybe he could convince his friends to play truth or dare when they were drunk enough.

And maybe he’d regret it too. He’d come back feeling lonelier, emptier, worse off than ever. Wasn’t that what always happened to him? He hated this part of him. It felt like something in him was dead and he couldn’t get rid of it, and that one spot was spreading, killing the rest of him.

Before he could delve further into his pain, the door on the other side of him opened, pulling him from his reverie. He bit back a curse when he saw Will standing frozen. “Come on, dude, get in,” Leo said, getting into the car.

Will unfroze and got inside uncomfortably, keeping his eyes away from Nico. Oddly enough, Nico felt his heart pound obnoxiously in his chest and he could feel his own body shrinking into itself. “Uh, so whose party is this?” Will asked, still not looking at Nico.

“My friend Jason’s. It’s just a weekend party for fun.” Will hummed and sat back, looking out the window. His presence somehow made Nico feel both nervously excited and pathetically worse at the same time.

While his being there made him giddy and nervous, it also seemed to be a reminder of what a shitty person he was. How horrible he could be. How he couldn’t decide what he wanted because even when he got exactly what he asked for, he’d throw the opportunity away like an idiot. Will was a reminder of how even his friends didn’t realize just how much was wrong with him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his face, unconsciously looking over at Will, surprised to see him looking at him with that same worry from the night before. Embarrassed, Nico glanced away, but he could feel his face contort into an automatic scowl.

“There’s a lot of tension in here right now, and I’m going to drown it out with music, ‘kay?” Leo said, turning the radio up loud enough that Nico could focus on guitar chords instead of his thoughts or the presence of the boy beside him.

After a few songs, they pulled up to the house and were able to escape the confines of the car. Will glanced at him and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something then thought better of it and closed his mouth.

As soon as Nico got inside, he was looking for the drinks. If he was going to be here, and if he was going to be alone, he would at least feel dizzy and good or get to the point of forgetting everything. He didn’t care, he just didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to think about all the things that made him feel like crap. He didn’t want to think about the responsibilities he had no motivation for. He just wanted his mind to be a blank slate.


	2. 2

Nico disappeared the second they walked through the door. Leo looked after him worriedly, and Will couldn’t help himself. “What’s wrong with him?” he blurted. Leo’s eyes flickered to him. “I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just… he’s really quiet and angry, and when I tried to find out why he got really mad. But I keep catching him just sort of staring into space.”

“Catch him how?” Leo asked in surprise.

Will shrugged. “When I’m walking and he’s sitting at a table all alone while there’s crowds of friends on either side of him. Just now in the car he spaced out until you turned the music up. When he walks too.” Leo raised an eyebrow and Will blushed. “Once he snapped at me, I started noticing him everywhere, and I’d try to avoid him.”

“Oh,” he said. He sighed and shook his head. “We think it’s depression. So we try to keep him distracted when we can and we don’t mention it because we know he doesn’t like talking about it. It’s best to just let him be. He can handle himself.” Before Will could protest or point out the missing logic in that argument, Leo clamped his hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s a party. Enjoy yourself. Make friends. Try a drink, or don’t. Dance. Have fun. Okay?” Will nodded, not believing himself. “I have to find Jason. Let me know if anything happens, yeah?”

He disappeared into the throng of people and Will was left alone, exactly like he feared he’d be.

With a groan, he turned and started for the area with the most amount of people, hoping to either see a familiar face or make a new friend. Instead, he found himself wandering through crowds of different people, some of which recognized and greeted him in a lively manner.

He was offered a drink so many times, he eventually took one just to avoid people offering him more. He managed a conversation with one of the other premed students taking his bio class at a different hour. But soon he was distracted by a girl and she asked him to dance with her.

He had no idea how long he’d been there for or how long he’d have to stay before he could ask Leo to take him back. He found his way back near the front and saw Nico and another person taking shots off a girl’s stomach. The other boy seemed to enjoy having his hands on her, but Nico seemed more interested in the shots. He tossed them back quickly and without so much as a grimace. He finished his line of shots before the other guy and people around them cheered.

Nico’s eyes were bright with victory and he went as far as taking the guy’s remaining shot and tossing it back before leaving them. Will frowned and followed him, unsure how he could still walk straight with that much alcohol in his system.

He saw him in the living room, looking for another drink. “You know, you should slow down,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. Nico looked up, surprised at first, then annoyed.

“Oh, fuck off, dude.” Will blinked and crossed his arms. He opened his mouth, then thought better of it and left. He was seriously considering walking back to campus or calling a taxi service when Leo saw him and dragged him into a game of very drunk ninja.

He had no idea who the other guys were. They weren’t all drunk, but the ones that were made it entertaining. After losing, Will had to go to the bathroom and promised to return. He figured he’d call a cab or an Uber to take him home after the game was over. Leo was too far gone to drive, and Will didn’t really trust anyone else that well.

As he left the bathroom, he saw Nico stumbling slightly, his hand out to steady himself with the wall. While Will debated whether he should offer assistance or not, Nico’s head snapped up and his eyes immediately found Will. A lazy, drunk smile spread on his lips and he walked over to him, tilting his head slightly. “Hey.”

“Uh, hi,” Will answered. “Are you… okay?”

“Uh huh,” he answered. His eyes skimmed over Will, making him feel immediately awkward and self-conscious. “What have you had to drink?” he said, with only a slight slur under his words.

“Nothing,” Will answered. “And you really shouldn’t either unless you want alcohol poisoning.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he answered, the joy in his eyes dissipated for a second before returning. “You should have a drink.”

“I was going to go back to the university….”

“So soon?” Nico pouted. Will could’ve sworn he batted his eyes. His eyelids lowered, a small smirk tugged at the edge of his lips, and his hands came up to Will’s chest. “You should stay.”

“Wh-what?” he stammered, moving his hands away.

But Nico grabbed his wrists and pulled him over to the wall, fixing him with that drunk, bright smile. “Shut up.” And he leaned forward to kiss him, his hands pulling Will in by the nape of his neck.

He tasted bitter, like alcohol. But his lips seemed experienced. Once Will’s brain caught up, he pushed Nico back, which he didn’t seem too happy about. “Hey, whoa, what the hell?” he said, keeping him back as he tried to lean forward again angrily. “Hey, stop. Nico, you’re very drunk.”

“Yeah no shit,” he snapped. “I’m very drunk, and I very much wanna make out with a hot guy, so shut the hell up and kiss me back.” He pulled Will in again, but Will panicked and held him back again.

“No! I- What?” he questioned. “Okay, no. Nico, you need to- wh- _whoa!”_ Nico’s hand had slid down, groping him over his jeans. He felt his cheeks burn red as Nico dipped his head to kiss his neck and trail his way to his lips. Finally getting a grip on himself, he grabbed Nico’s arms and forced them to his sides. “Uh-uh. No. This is very, very wrong. Nico, you’re drunk, you’re in public, you need to get home.”

“What’s the big deal?” he snapped, his eyes more out of focus than they had been a few moments ago. “I just wanna make out with you.”

“You don’t like me. Like at all,” he pointed out.

Nico scowled and pushed him back. “Fuck you then. I’ll find someone else.” Immediately, Will grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Ha, I knew it,” he teased, wrapping his arms around him.

“ _No,”_ Will said, aggravated. “You need to come back to the school before you do something stupid.”

“Can I do you?” he asked with a smirk, his hand caressing Will’s face gently. Will’s face heated up faster than he could’ve ever thought possible. Nico took his shock as a chance to try to kiss him again. It was hard not to kiss back. It was an immediate reaction for Will, especially with someone as attractive as Nico.

But he could still taste the alcohol and he could feel his uncoordinated hands. So he grabbed his hands and pushed him “Nico, come on, let’s go.” He didn’t specify why, but he pulled out his phone and ordered a ride back to school.

While he waited for the car, Nico kept trying to advance on Will, trying to pull him into a kiss or away from people. Finally, the car got there to pick them up and Will dragged Nico into it. In the darkness of the car, Nico’s hand trailed slowly over to Will’s lap, and immediately, Will grabbed his wrist to stop him. But it only made Nico chuckle. Then he used his other hand and Will had to grab that one too. But by making sure his hands kept still, Will couldn’t keep him from leaning forward and pressing little kisses and licks to his jaw and shoulder that made him shudder despite himself.

When they finally got to the school, Will had to help Nico walk straight because his entire body would pitch forward or off to one side, with him constantly mumbling, “I’m -kay, I’m -kay.” He helped him into the building and managed to get him into the elevator without any RA’s catching them.

In the elevator, Nico tried roaming Will’s body again, much to his frustration. “Okay, _stop,_ ” he snapped. “That’s enough, Nico. You need to go to bed and relax. Stop it.” Nico furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, his cheeks turning bright red with drunk anger.

The elevator stopped at Will’s floor and he dragged Nico along to his room. His roommate always left during the weekend, sometimes returning at four in the morning, sometimes not returning until noon. Regardless, Will doubted Nico would be much of an inconvenience to his absent roommate, and he didn’t mind sharing his own bed. He wanted to be sure this idiot didn’t choke on his own vomit in his sleep.

He nudged Nico into the room and helped him onto the bed. “Go to sleep,” he commanded.

“Fuck you,” he muttered back. But Will could only roll his eyes. He went into his bathroom to change into a t-shirt and sweatpants before returning. He laid down on the edge of the bed and tried to get the covers over himself, but Nico wasn’t having it.

Will thought he’d fallen asleep. There was no way he could have still been conscious, much less mobile. But he was, and he rolled onto Will to kiss him and grind against him. “Nico!” he hissed. “You need-” Nico kissed him and shut him up, and even though Will tried to push him off, Nico pinned his hands down.

“Shuddup,” he slurred. He sat up, straddling a very shocked Will as he removed his jacket. “Just kiss me and let me make you feel good.” He leaned back down to kiss his neck, and Will screwed his eyes shut. It felt so exhilarating… and maybe he wouldn’t have minded a one night stand with a sober Nico, but he was _drunk._ He had no idea what he was doing or saying or asking for. And no matter how good it felt, Will didn’t want anything like this, not even a one night stand.

He moved to get Nico off of him gently, surprised when Nico let him. Nico’s eyelids drooped low and his breaths started coming faster, mixed with groans and soft whimpers. “Shit,” Will groaned, hoping Nico didn’t throw up on him. He heard him gag and his protective, wannabe doctor side took over. “Hey, whoa okay, come on, let’s get to the bathroom, man.” Nico remained still as a statue and Will had to drag him off the bed and to the bathroom.

The second he had him in front of the toilet, Nico hunched over and began expulsing all the alcohol from his system and then some. Will kept him upright because left alone, he’d lurch forward and hit his head on the bowl or risk giving himself the worst swirly in the world.

He was thankful then for having grown up watching over his little sister. He’d grown accustomed to helping her when she got sick and threw up. Besides, he wanted to be a doctor one day. He’d have to deal with vomit and so many other things. This wasn’t too bad for him.

Nico’s hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, his lips glistened with dribble and vomit, his eyes half lidded and unfocused- all of the bad-boy, introverted, hipster-hot, sexy look gone in his state of absolute vulnerability. Suddenly, as he stared at the porcelain, he muttered, “I fucking hate my life.” Will’s lips parted in surprise, and then Nico was retching again, coughing and dry-heaving because there was nothing left in his stomach.

“It’s okay, let it all out,” Will said softly, rubbing his back.

“-M done,” he sputtered. Will helped him up and helped him to the sink to help him rinse his mouth and nose. Using a hand cloth, he wiped his face and dumped it into the hamper. His shirt was stained and so were his jeans, which made Will leave himself a mental note to check the bathroom floor.

“Is it okay if I change your clothes, Nico? You got yours dirty.” Nico was limp and staring emptily at the floor. He nodded and remained on the chair Will set him on while Will grabbed some clothes for him. He took a deep breath and sighed before reaching forward to peel his shirt away.

As Nico’s arms came back down, Will noticed pale, jagged scratches on each of his arms. His eyes widened as he looked at the scars that curled around his bicep, and he noticed other little things. Little burn marks along his arms, scars from scrapes and cuts on his back and side, little paper thin cuts along his hands, and the seemingly permanent calluses from guitar strings on his fingertips. His entire upper body was subtly mutilated, and Will didn’t know if it had been on purpose or not. He didn’t know if he wanted to know.

He helped him into the other shirt then felt his cheeks warm as he had to help him out of his jeans. Considering how difficult that was, and how Will had landed on his ass as he tried pulling them away, the awkward frustration overcame the embarrassment. He managed to help him into shorts then helped him onto the bed again. As he moved him over, he saw little scars and bruises along his legs. Scars that could’ve been from careless child’s play, bruises that looked like they could’ve been from a game of soccer or football even.

Pushing aside his immediate assumptions, he crawled into bed beside him. “Hey, if you feel sick just wake me up, okay?” Nico groaned and nodded as Will covered him with his comforter. Within seconds, Nico was asleep, his eyes moving under his eyelids.

Will couldn’t help the worry overcoming him. _I fucking hate my life._ That had been about as much as he’d been able to get out of Nico regarding his inner thoughts. Sure, a lot of people said they hated their life. Will heard it all the time. He heard a group of girls say it when they found out they would have a test the next class. He heard a guy say it when he couldn’t figure out how to ask a girl on a date. He’d said it himself from time to time when homework got so stressful, he could barely think.

But he’d never heard anyone say it the way Nico said it. So empty, so certain, so tired. There was no exaggeration when he said it. It wasn’t just a phrase to express his own stress. Nico truly hated his life, and Will had no idea why.

***

Nico’s stomach felt sore. His limbs felt heavy. His head felt bruised. His tongue was dry. He couldn’t remember anything after he’d walked to the kitchen after his shot challenge.

He groaned and opened his eyes, trying to gauge his surroundings. It wasn’t his room. It wasn’t Leo’s. It definitely wasn’t Jason’s house. He turned his head when he realized there was someone beside him.

He nearly went into a tirade.

Beside him, sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly open, strands of blond hair over his face as the rest splayed on the window, one arm under the pillow the other bent over his head, was Will. Nico suddenly felt sick and didn’t even care if he woke him up- he scrambled over him and dashed for the bathroom.

He kneeled down at the toilet and gagged, but he had nothing in his stomach left to expunge. “Nico?” Will went into the bathroom right along with him, which Nico found bizarre.

“Get out!” he snapped.

“Oh, please. Who do you think was helping you stay upright last night?”

Nico scowled and looked away. That’s when he realized he was wearing clothes that weren’t his. “This isn’t…. These aren’t my clothes.” He looked over at Will who was leaning against the door, his hair in a disarray, his soft blue eyes, steady on him. Panicking, he picked himself up and walked over to him, gripping the front of his shirt. “What… what did we do last night?”

Will sighed and pried his hands away, not breaking eye contact. “Nothing. Relax.”

“Then why am I here in _your_ room, wearing _your_ clothes, waking up in _your_ bed, next to _you?”_ he asked through clenched teeth.

Will’s cheeks tinged pink, but his eyes remained calm. “You got really drunk at the party. You started hitting on me, trying to kiss me, trying to… uh, you know.” Nico felt his stomach fall, and his hands started shaking as he stared at Will. “So I called an Uber and got us back here. But I don’t know where your dorm is and I figured you might choke on your own throw up, so I brought you here. You tried coming on to me again, but then you started getting sick. You….” Something in his eyes tightened, turned solemn and worried, and Nico hated it. What had he done? “You’d gotten your clothes dirty. So I asked if I could help you change into different clothes and you said yes, so I did and then I put you back to bed. That’s all.”

He pressed a hand to his forehead and walked away from him anxiously. “Oh God. I tried to kiss you? I tried to fuck you?”

Will’s cheeks burned red and he scratched his head. “You actually managed to a few times. But yeah.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” he hissed. He turned away and looked for his clothes, for his shoes at least. “I have to go.”

“Nico, wait,” he said in a voice so gentle it caught him off guard. He froze and tried to catch his breath as he waited for Will to speak. “I…. Look, I know you don’t like people worrying about you. I know you don’t like people prying. But I’m worried.”

A cold shiver ran through Nico’s body and he reached out a hand to steady himself with the desk. “You have a really bad hangover. You should lay down. I’ll get you water.” Nico wanted to tell him off. He wanted to tell him he didn’t need or want his help. But he did. He wanted someone. And considering he hadn’t told Nico off after the way he acted with him, both sober and drunk, he figured Will didn’t deserve it.

Instead of getting angry, he let Will sit him on the bed as he looked for a water bottle and some pain medicine. “Look, thanks for worrying. Thanks for taking care of me last night. But it’s just me being a teenager, being a college kid.”

“No it’s not,” he said softly, handing Nico his medicine. Nico stared at him. How could he tell Nico what he felt? He had no idea what it was like in his head. “Last night, you said you hate your life. And I know everyone says that, but you… you say it differently. You mean it.” Nico felt his breaths hollow and he tossed back his pills, not wanting to look into his stupid calming blue eyes. “Nico… when I was helping you change… I promise I didn’t mean to see, but… you’re covered in scars and burns and bruises.”

Nico grit his teeth and shut his eyes. “I ride a motorcycle,” he muttered. “I play sports when I get bored, it gets rough.”

“And the scratches on your arms?” His voice wasn’t accusing. It was soft, and inquisitive. He was sincerely worried. More worried than Nico had ever known anyone to be.

“I got attacked by a dog once. It was stupid. It was private property, and I was just being a stupid rebellious teenager. Fuck the rules, right?” He shook his head and sighed in defeat. “I trespassed and the dog just attacked me. I hadn’t even realized I’d been scratched. Not until way later.” He rubbed his arm and grimaced. “I remember I’d started freaking out that day, when I was back home. I don’t remember why. Just that my thoughts were racing and overlapping in my head, and they wouldn’t fucking stop. And every time my thoughts run too fast, I take a shower. A really hot shower, you know, the ones where the walls get condensation from the steam and you feel like you’re sweating in the water and your skin is red and steaming when you get out.” He looked at Will, surprised to see how focused he was, how concentrated he looked with that worried furrow of his eyebrows. Nico sighed and shrugged. “I did that to calm down, to shut my brain up. And my arms started burning. God, it hurt so fucking bad. And I was so distracted by the pain, by trying to stop the bleeding that I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to be freaking out because of my racing thoughts. They… they stopped racing.”

“Did you start hurting yourself to get distracted?” Will asked. There wasn’t a trace of disgust or discomfort in his voice. Only worry, understanding, and curiosity.

He shook his head and shut his eyes as he rubbed his forehead. “No. No I could never bring myself to. But I put myself in situations where I can get hurt. It keeps people from asking and it gets the job done. Reckless and impulsive. That’s how people see me. They don’t realize that it’s not that… I know damn well what I’m doing.”

“You’re self-destructive and hurting.” Nico looked at him in surprise, but his eyes were still that calm, gentle blue. That’s exactly what it was. He was looking for a way to self-destruct. He was looking for a way to become nothing while being able blame something other than himself. “That’s why you do things that get you hurt. That’s why you smoke so much. That’s why you drink until you can’t even walk.”

Nico swallowed hard and felt his body slump in defeat. “Is this when you tell me it’s okay? That it’s understandable, and it’s normal, and it’s fine and you know how to make it all better?”

“No,” he answered, sounding appalled for the first time. “No, it’s not okay. None of it is. It’s not okay that you feel so alone, so desperate for destruction. It’s not okay that nobody has noticed. It’s not okay that you need physical pain to distract you from the rest. It’s not.” Nico felt tears stab at the back of his eyes and shut them. He didn’t want to cry. Not with this sort-of stranger. “Nico,” he whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at him. “What made you feel like this? Since when? Why? Help me understand. I want to help you.”

“Why?” he breathed. “After the way I treated you-”

“You got defensive. You don’t want to seem weak. You got scared. I get it. I don’t think anyone wants a stranger trying to pry into their personal life. And you were super drunk last night. So that stuff doesn’t count.” Nico frowned and rubbed his head which was pounding obnoxiously. “Okay, why don’t you just lay down for a while? Rest. Take a nap. I’ll bring you some food that’ll help your stomach feel a little better. And then we’ll talk. Okay?”

“S-Sure,” he stammered, laying back down. His body felt exhausted. His mind. His heart. He just felt tired. Will nodded and pulled the covers over him. He gave him a small smile and grabbed some things from his mini fridge before leaving.


	3. 3

When Will got back, Nico was sleeping soundly, much to his relief. Part of him was scared he’d make a run for it as soon as he was gone. He put the plate of food down on his desk and walked over to wake Nico. He shook him gently, whispering his name until his eyes fluttered open.

“I brought your food. Sit up, you can eat on the bed.” Nico did and leaned against the wall tiredly. Will gave him the food and bit his lip. “It should help with your nausea.”

A dark eyebrow arched and his deep brown eyes flickered to him. “You cook?” Will shrugged. Nico hummed and started eating. Will bit his lip and sat down at the chair by his desk. “So-”

Before Nico could finish, the door lock jingled and Cecil came in. He sighed in exhaustion and stopped short when he saw Nico. “Oh. Hey.” Nico nodded at him. Cecil’s eyes flickered over to Will and he raised an eyebrow. Immediately Will’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “I’m Cecil Markowitz, Will’s roommate.”

“Nico di Angelo.” There was a small pause that made Will uncomfortable. “Uh, did you want me to leave or…?”

“Oh, no! Nah, it’s cool,” Cecil said. “Sorry I just thought… there was something following that.” Nico frowned and looked back at his food. “Not good at socializing is he?” he muttered. Will nudged him.

“Don’t be a dick,” he hissed.

“I can handle it,” Nico said. “Also, you guys don’t know how to whisper.” Will rolled his eyes. “This is good by the way. Thanks.” Will gave him a tight smile and tried to think of a way to kick Cecil out. But that would be a little hard considering it was also Cecil’s room.

Cecil saved him the trouble. “Okay, well I’m going to go study at the library. Nice meeting you, Nico.” Will watched him leave and saw him wink quickly before he left the room. He couldn’t help but groan internally.

He turned to glance at Nico as he ate. He seemed to be calculating every movement. Finally his eyes, so dark they were nearly black, flickered up to meet Will’s and he wasn’t sure what to say.

Nico spoke first. “You never answered why.” Will frowned. “You want me to talk. You want to help and understand, but you didn’t answer why.”

“Because you want help. I heard it. And you’re still here.” Nico furrowed his eyebrows and stared at his food. “Is it so bad to want to help someo-”

“I don’t want you feeling obligated to help,” he interrupted, frustration clear in his voice. Will stood and hopped onto his bed, but Nico wouldn’t look at him. “My friends tried. But they don’t understand. And I’m not angry with them for it. I don’t understand myself.”

He didn’t answer. He looked at Nico, looking pale and tired and… defeated. Just by looking at him, it seemed that he didn’t expect anyone to stick around. He’d given up on himself and he expected everyone to do the same. “Let’s give it a shot,” Will suggested softly.

Nico’s eyes widened in shock. Was he serious? Did he really think it’d be any different with him? And still…. “I don’t know. I mean… part of me wants to. I want someone to know. But then….” He shrugged and looked at his hands. He looked at all the little scars that crisscrossed on his palm and the callouses that came from guitar playing. “The other part of me feels like I’d be showing weakness.”

The corner of Will’s mouth twitched up and he bit his lip. “I mean, I saw you completely out of it, hurling into the toilet last night. I don’t really think you have anything to be ashamed of.” Nico groaned and dipped his head. “Besides,” Will added softly. “It’s not weakness. You’re still here aren’t you? You obviously have a lot of strength to keep going after so much pain.” Nico let his eyes flicker up to Will. His expression was kind. Inviting. Relaxing. “Let me help,” he murmured.

Nico took a deep breath and nodded. Suddenly, everything started spilling. How he’d lost his mother. How he’d stayed with a relative for a while before his father came back into the picture. How he’d lost his sister, how he went through his first heartbreak, how he went through school seen as a pariah, an outcast, how no one seemed to really care about what he felt or what he thought.

Long after he’d finished eating, and long after the sun started setting again, Nico was still talking, telling Will about the way his thoughts had slowly begun to become angry and hateful towards the world and mostly towards himself. He explained the change in his behavior, from careful to reckless. And Will questioned him on things he didn’t understand, on things Nico had skipped over. But everything else Nico had said, Will kept in his memory, referring to details even Nico hadn’t realized he’d mentioned.

He listened.

At that point, Nico was laying down, holding back tears and exhausted in every way. He’d talked until his voice was hoarse. He wasn’t used to talking that much. Will was beside him and he shifted down, parallel to him. His hand wrapped around his wrist, much to Nico’s surprise, and he pulled it up, inspecting it.

“Will you tell me what these are from?” he murmured. His fingers hovered over old and new scars that Nico had accumulated over the years. His fingers pressed lightly on the circles that were darker than his skin. “These are burns,” he said matter-of-factly.

“From my cigarettes,” he whispered back.

He noticed his eyes widen before his eyebrows narrowed. He began inspecting his hands. “These are cuts.”

“From glass. I broke a car window with my bike once. Didn’t even try to get up carefully.” Will turned his hand over and ran a finger over the scabs and bruises on his knuckles. “I have a bad temper,” he said.

“And the ones on your back? On your legs?”

“My body is an literal disaster, huh?” he answered. Will fixed his eyes on him angrily, and let go of his hand. “I told you I’ve never done anything directly or on purpose to myself. A bad temper doesn’t go well with… all the stuff that goes through my head.” He frowned and turned on his side, following the sewn pattern of the quilt on the bed. “There are good days. It’s not like I never truly smile or laugh, you know?” Will hummed and nodded.

He furrowed his eyebrows and watched him carefully, his eyes distant, unwilling to meet his. He turned on his side too. “I get it. It’s not like you’re a walking cloud of sadness, Nico. Everything’s on a spectrum right? Some days are better than others, some are worse. It makes sense.”

Nico’s eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted, trembling slightly. “If it makes sense, why isn’t there a way to fix it?” he whispered. Finally his eyes flickered up to him. He looked so broken. Afraid. Tired. “I’m tired of being like this. I just want to be normal.”

Oddly enough, Will felt a knot build in his own throat at Nico’s expense. But knowing Nico would probably shut down if he noticed Will feeling so hurt _for_ him, he tried to keep his face passive and his voice levelled. “I don’t know why we haven’t figured out how to fix it, Neeks. I wish that there was a way. But… it’s okay to not be normal, you know?”

Nico sat up, his hands yanking angrily at the roots of his hair. “I don’t care! I don’t care if it’s okay to be weird or different or whatever the hell you want to call this! I don’t care!”

“Nico,” Will murmured as he sat up and place his hands over Nico’s. He tried to make him loosen his grip, but his eyes were screwed shut, his features contorted into a miserable expression. “Nico.”

His hands went limp and Will pulled them away. “I don’t care, Will,” Nico muttered. “I just want to be normal.”

“What’s normal for you, Nico? What do you think is normal? Someone who’s happy every day? Someone who has never had a bad day or a bad thought in their life? Because if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m going to tell you right now, it’s not possible.” Nico’s eyes widened as his eyebrows narrowed. “What? Don’t get angry with me, I’m being honest. No one alive is completely happy every day. So tell me- what is your idea of normal?”

Nico’s eyes wandered around the room, his mouth opening and closing hesitantly, his cheeks tinged red. “I don’t know. I guess… normal is not wanting to stay in bed all day every day. It’s… not forgetting to eat, and finding the energy to get up and shower and leave your room. It’s feeling like things will be okay somehow instead of feeling hopeless and empty and angry and tired all the fucking time.” Slowly his voice diminished to a hoarse, broken whisper. “It’s not this.”

Will nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Well, why don’t we start with the way you’ve been coping?”

Like the flip of a switch, Nico’s expression twisted into anger. His jaw clenched, his breaths came fast, his eyebrows narrowed, his nostrils flared. “ _Coping?”_ he repeated. He crawled over Will and got off the bed. Will saw him reaching for his boots and quickly started after him. Nico whirled around and shoved him back. “What the hell do you think this is? Who the hell do you think you are? Coping? I’m not a fucking psych patient, I’m not a-a f-freak, okay? And you’re not a fucking doctor or my dad to try and tell me how to act!” He turned and started for the door, but Will pulled him back. “Don’t touch me!” he snapped, shoving his hand off. “You feel sorry for me, fine. That’s on you. But I don’t need your pity, or the pity friendship-”

“It’s not pity!” Will insisted, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Would you please calm down and stop trying to run away for a second?” he pleaded. Nico stared at him with wide, confused eyes. “I’m not pitying you. Yeah, I feel bad for you, you’ve been going through a lot of shit. But that’s not pity, that’s…. that’s empathy. I just want you to know that someone cares, okay?” Nico’s eyes darted between Will’s and his breaths slowly began to level. “Yes, coping is frankly the right word. And I know I’m no doctor, I know you’re not a patient, and no, you’re not a freak. But Nico, even you know that putting cigarettes out on your arm is stupid, right?” Nico lowered his gaze. “You can’t keep hurting yourself even if it’s indirect, Neeks. It’s a way of coping with the bullshit, but it’s not healthy for you.”

“So what do you want me to do? Meditate? Yoga? You want me to write about my feelings and make little smiley and frowny faces for each day on a calendar?” Will’s eyebrows furrowed and Nico sighed. “Yeah. I’ve gone to therapy. Didn’t really do much.”

“It doesn’t work for everyone,” Will admitted. “I wasn’t saying you should do that.” Nico rolled his eyes and moved Will’s hands away. “Please don’t go,” Will whispered.

Nico gulped and furrowed his eyes. “Why not?”

Okay. It was a stupid request, and Will realized that once Nico asked that. He bit his lip and sighed. “At least don’t go without letting me know if you’ll let me help you.” Nico looked at him curiously. “Friends. Say we can be friends. That you’ll let me help you, that you’ll know you can talk to me if you need to. I’m not like Leo or the others, I won’t shrug it off or wait for it to pass. I want you to know you can ask me for help. That it’s okay to need help.”

Nico couldn’t stop staring at him in shock. He couldn’t stop looking into those incredibly blue eyes, bright with urgency as he pleaded with him. He was so desperate to help. Maybe he had a white knight complex. Maybe he was just one of the few honestly good and kind people in the world. If it was the latter, Nico didn’t want to ruin him.

But he also didn’t want to let him go.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Friends.” He nodded and opened the door before hesitating and pulling his phone out. “Here, just… give me your number. If I feel like I need help, I’ll message you.”

Will looked like he was going to say something in protest, but he didn’t. Instead he just nodded and took the phone. He gave the phone back and Nico saw he’d messaged himself. He raised an eyebrow and Will shrugged. “Now you can’t blow me off.”

Nico scoffed and pocketed his phone. “You’re really weird.”

Suddenly, his freckled face brightened and he laughed lightly, giving Nico a smirk. “Thanks.” It sounded like he meant it.

Nico turned away and started down the hall. A few doors down, he heard the clock of the door shutting. At the end of the hall, he took a moment to get over the whiplash.

Had he really just exposed everything about himself to a stranger? Had he really kissed him last night? Had Will really put up with him trying to touch him and vomiting and stumbling? Had Will really listened? Cared?

Yes. The answer to everything was yes. And frankly, it was the scariest thing Nico had ever experienced.

 ***

The next day, after his first class, Nico’s phone buzzed. _Meet me at the café?_

Nico furrowed his eyebrows and frowned at the text. After sleeping off the emotional rollercoaster of the day before, he felt a bit stupid. He’d shown his weakness and now Will knew that side of him. He was now vulnerable to Will, and he didn’t like it at all. It gave him an uncomfortable sinking feeling.

But he also knew that he’d end up seeing him again eventually. Was there a point to trying to ignore him?

He didn’t answer. But he did go to the café. The head of golden blond hair was seated near the windows, his head bent over a paperback textbook, a pen at his lips. Lips Nico had kissed. And he couldn’t even remember it. Did he want to?

Someone walked past him, brushing his shoulder, and apologizing before continuing to laugh with their friend, and it pulled Nico out of his thoughts. He walked over to where Will sat and pulled the chair across from him back to sit down.

Will looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You know, usually people-friends- communicate and text back when asked a question.” He shrugged and raised his eyebrows slightly as if to say, _Crazy, huh?_

Nico sniffed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, and some people don’t sit where the sun beats down on their back.” Will looked over his shoulder and the sun glinted of off his hair and made his eyes sparkle and his freckles disappeared for a second. The outline of his face seem to glow.

Then he turned back, smiling, and Nico wanted nothing more than to leave the stupid café and the stupid sun, and the stupid glowing blond. “I like warmth. Light.”

Nico snorted and leaned back in his chair and extended his legs. “Then you won’t like being my friend for long,” he muttered.

“I meant that in a literal way, not metaphorical. And I don’t know. There’s a little light in everyone, I think.” Nico furrowed his eyebrows. “Do you have plans for lunch today?”

“I- wait what?” he stammered, blinking away the confusion. “A-Are you…? Wait. What?” Will furrowed his eyebrows. “What, like a date?” he hissed.

Will’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned red. “No! Neeks, friends go-”

“Nico.”

Blue eyes rolled at his expense. “ _Nico._ Friends go out to eat sometimes, you know? Haven’t you ever gone to eat something with Leo or Jason or something?”

Nico furrowed his eyebrows. “On campus, I guess if they stop at my room with their food. But I don’t really like going places with people.”

“You go to parties.”

“There’s alcohol there. I get to forget. I don’t have to pretend to be having fun. At least not as much.” Will hummed and twirled his pen between his long, tanned fingers. Nico found his eyes drawn to the rapid movement, the total control with which he manipulated the pen as it blurred for Nico. He shut his eyes and sighed. “I usually only go somewhere nice with someone when I want something from them,” he admitted softly.

He heard Will take a deep breath and he let it out on a trill. “Well. I don’t want anything from you. Except your company, at least. And I don’t think you want anything from me.” That was debatable. “We’re just… friends getting a burger or something. And you don’t have to pretend to have fun. I won’t be offended.” Nico looked at him with one raised eyebrow. “Okay, maybe I’ll be a little hurt. But I’ll be expecting it, so…. I mean if you want.”

Part of him wanted to say no. He wanted to say he was busy and go back to his usual routine of class to dorm to smoke breaks and repeat until he was done and lost himself in writing songs or watching Netflix.

And there was a part of him that wanted to say yes. He wanted to know what it was like to be around Will when he was angry or drunk or emotionally drained. He wanted to try being around someone for the hell of it.

He’d never wanted to say yes before. And maybe that’s why he said it this time.

Will smiled triumphantly and packed him book away. “Come on, then,” he said, cocking his head. Nico followed, still apprehensive. He didn’t like the things he felt around Will. What bothered him was that he didn’t dislike it as much as he should.

As Nico followed, he nearly laughed out loud. “God, you _would_ be someone to have a pastel blue punch buggy.”

Will frowned and leaned against it. “First of all, it’s periwinkle. That’s also her name. Second, she’s a hand-me-down. Third, she runs great. Fourth, do you want to get food or not?”

Nico snorted. “Okay, Pastel.”

“Periwinkle,” Will insisted. Nico shook his head at him as he reached for the handle. “She looks silver at night, if that helps.”

Nico groaned. “Don’t-don’t incriminate yourself further, please.” Will rolled his eyes and got into the car. Nico got inside and took a deep breath. “Mm, let me guess. You have pop music on your radio, right?” Will smirked and shrugged. “No. Classical?” His eyebrows furrowed as he smiled and pulled out of the lot. “Okay… country. You’re definitely a country type of guy.”

Will laughed. “What because I’m from Texas?” Nico frowned. He actually didn’t know that. Sure, he said “y’all,” but that was even said in the north sometimes.

“So… what’s on your radio?” Will shrugged and bit his lip. Nico reached out and turned on the radio. His jaw dropped when he heard Eminem rapping and Will immediately joined in. “ _No._ No fucking way. No. No!” he said, staring at Will in surprise. Will looked smug and he shrugged, not faltering in his quick words for even a second. “What the fuck…?” Nico whispered, staring at him in awe.

The song ended and the radio host came on, talking about a contest. Meanwhile Will burst into laughter. “You look really confused and broken right now, dude.”

Nico scoffed. “Well I mean, what _the fuck?”_ he exclaimed. “You _rap?”_

Will chuckled, his eyes sparkling. “Appearances aren’t everything, Nico.” He winked and Nico scoffed again. “I actually like a lot of music. I just happen to be in my rap phase again. I’m sure I’ll be on my alternative rock next month. Then love ballads the one after that.” He shrugged.

“Can you freestyle?”

Will opened his mouth then frowned. “That, I can’t.” Nico laughed and nodded.

“Well, still. Damn.” Will pulled into a Sonic and parked the car. “Sonic?” Nico questioned.

“Yeah. Is that okay? You mentioned yesterday that you used to come here a lot as a kid.”

“No, yeah. Yeah. I just haven’t been in so long,” he murmured, looking at the familiar stands and colors. Then he looked back at Will. “Wait, you remembered that?”

“Uh, yeah,” Will answered, as though that were the obvious thing to do. Nico smiled slightly and looked away. “Hey, feel free to change the station if you want.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “And miss out on hearing you rap again? Yeah, right.”  Will laughed and shook his head. “Can you rap that one really fast Eminem song?”

Will thought for a moment. “You mean Rap God?” Nico nodded. “Yeah.”

“Liar.”

Will laughed again and Nico couldn’t help but smile. The sound was so bubbly and happy and honest. It was contagious. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal.” Nico hummed. “I’ll show you I can rap that insanely fast verse in Rap God… if you sing me a verse of one of your songs.”

Immediately Nico frowned. “Uh, no.” Will groaned and began pleading with him. “Why would you- I mean, why?”

Will thought for a moment. “Well… you’re a song writer. And your songs are incredible. Obviously, you sing because you must have taught Leo how to sing it. And I’m curious.” Nico furrowed his eyebrows. “I’d like to hear you sing.”

He let out a long breath through his nose. “Compromise,” he muttered. “I’ll… sing a song on the radio. But you don’t get to see my songs unless Leo’s performing them on stage.”

A smile spread on Will face and his eyes softened. “Deal. In fact,” he said as he pulled an aux cord out of the glove compartment. “We can do a duet.” Nico’s eyebrows shot up and he took an exasperated breath. Will chuckled and connected his phone. “Do you know this one?” Nico looked at the screen.

“If I’m just singing and not rapping, then yes.” Will clicked his tongue appreciatively and pressed play. “Monster” began playing and Nico sang tensely. Will rolled his eyes and smirked at him before taking the first rapping verse.

He exaggerated it, making faces and using his hands to talk. It made Nico smile and laugh. He was fascinated with how quickly his lips moved, fascinated with the way he seemed to not care what Nico might think of him, and he was simply being himself and having fun.

Suddenly it was Nico’s turn again. This time, Nico actually sang and he saw the change in Will’s face. His eyes widened, his cheeks colored, his jaw dropped. Nico chuckled and Will stopped the music. “I… I need to recover, holy shit,” he breathed. He stared out the windshield and laughed softly before turning to look at Nico again. “Holy shit,” he repeated.

“Shut up,” Nico grumbled.

“Why… why don’t you ever sing yourself?”

Nico bit his lip and sighed. “I don’t want anyone knowing it’s me. Knowing what I feel and… how it affects me.” Will hummed and nodded. “Are you uh, planning to order food any time soon?”

Will smiled and turned to the menu board. Nico tried his best not to look at him for too long.


	4. 4

Ever since they’d gone to get Sonic, Nico seemed a bit distant. He would talk to Will if he saw him, but he’d find a reason to leave. At first he didn’t mind. They were plausible reasons. He had to get his homework before his next class, or he needed to get his charger, or even because there was a show about to come on that he loved.

It wasn’t until he’d run into him while he was smoking that he realized it was on purpose.

He saw Nico at a table outside. He’d just sat down and he was pulling out a carton of cigarettes. He was alone, not really looking at anything in particular. He didn’t have a book or a laptop or any form of homework. It was just Nico in his leather jacket and scuffed boots with a newly lit cigarette pressed against his lips.

He walked over and nudged his shoulder. Nico looked up at him and offered a smile. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey. I thought you were trying to quit?”

Nico let out a long stream of smoke, away from Will and shrugged. “I am. Today’s a cheat day.” Will hummed. “Baby steps,” he shrugged.

He scratched his head and took a deep breath. Will nodded and figured he had no right to tell him how to quit. “Well, hey, I was going to watch that new movie that just came out, the one with the obsessed boyfriend or something. Did you want to go with me?”

Brown eyes, so dark they looked like onyx, flickered up to him. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly and sniffed. “I have an essay due online, I can’t. But thanks.” He flicked his cigarette then put it out on the ash tray. “I think I should work on that. I’ve been procrastinating here for a few hours already.”  

Will raised his eyebrows and clenched his jaw. He only hummed. The lie hurt, and it made him wonder what other lies Nico might have told him. The worst part was that Will knew he would’ve believed him if he hadn’t seen Nico walking and sitting down no more than ten minutes ago. And he’d put out a new cigarette just to get away.

Maybe he should’ve let him walk away. That had offended him enough to where he should’ve. He’d have done it to anyone else. But he remembered Nico mentioning his distance from his other friends, and he remembered Leo saying Nico never talked it through. More than anything, he remembered the surprise and confusion in his eyes when he offered help and asked to be friends.

Nico wasn’t used to people wanting to help, wanting to be around.

“You know, you don’t have to lie to me,” he called after him. Nico turned and furrowed his eyebrows. “If you don’t want to talk to me, you can just say so. But you don’t have to keep making excuses to get away from me.”

The guilt spread on his face. He sighed and turned back to sit down again. “That’s not… it.” Will tilted his head and began playing with a loose string on his flannel. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

He hummed thoughtfully and glanced around the seating area, the vines that swirled through and around the iron fence. “Am I annoying?”

“Not in a bad way.” Will looked at him in shock, his mouth agape and his eyes wide. “I just mean you’re not like… smart-ass-know-it-all annoying. It’s not like I can’t stand being around you. You’re just… really stubborn and really… happy.”

“Well, you’re stubborn too, you’re just really… sad.”

Nico actually snorted. “Exactly. That’s why you’re annoying. In a good way.” Will rolled his eyes. “But that’s not it either.” He sighed, his smile fading away slowly. “It’s not like I don’t want to talk to you. It’s not like I need to get away from you because you repulse me or something.”

Will bit his lip and kicked at the pebbles on the floor with the tip of his shoe. “So… what? You’re just usually distant from people?”

“No! I mean, yes, but that’s not….” He sighed and groaned into his hands. Then he took a breath and interlocked his hands, his eyes focused and determined on Will. “I can’t drag you into this. I can’t let you get mixed up with the shit in my head. You don’t need it, you don’t deserve it.” Will frowned and pursed his lips. “I’m… scared to be around you. I’m scared I’ll mess you up. I’m scared I’ll get close to you and when you can’t handle me anymore, you’ll disappear and I’ll… I’ll be alone again.”

“So you’d rather stay alone than let someone in.” Nico tore his gaze away and Will crossed his arms. “Dude, I’m not telling you I need to know every little secret. I’m not saying we should talk about your mental state every single time we hang out. I’m not saying I can fix it either. I’m saying that if the thoughts become overwhelming, or you need someone to pull you out of that state of mind where everything is shit and everything is hopeless and pointless, then text me, and I’ll try my best to help. Even if we just sit in silence. And if you do want to let out every little thing going through your head, then okay, I’m here. I won’t just ditch you out of the blue.”

“That’s what everyone says,” he whispered.

Will sighed and bit his lip. “The movie starts at eight. Be at my dorm around seven thirty so we can go watch it. We won’t talk about our thoughts. Just food, actors, and psychotic plots.”

“Just two teenaged guys being teenage guys,” Nico scoffed.

“Exactly.” Will stood and shrugged. “If you’re up for it. I’ll let you smoke in peace now. Don’t forget to quit.”

He walked away, putting his earphones in and Nico was left dumbfounded in his seat. He hated how easily Will could take him by surprise. He always knew what to expect from people. He knew how to read them. But when it came to Will, he was completely lost and confused. When he thought he finally knew him, he’d do something that confounded him all over again.

He scoffed and lit another cigarette as he furrowed his eyebrows. Of all people. Of all possibilities. He really came out of nowhere.

“I fucking knew it!” Leo shouted shaking his shoulders from behind.

“Leo, what the _fuck?”_ Nico exclaimed, swatting him away.

He came around to sit where Will had been, smiling widely, his curls bouncing right along with him. “‘Oh we just talked, Leo. Oh it was a one time thing, Leo. Oh, it was just carpooling, Leo.’ You’re so full of shit.” Nico raised an eyebrow. “What really happened the night of the party? What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” he answered. “I told you, I was drunk, so he watched over me, and the next day we were just talking.” Leo squinted at him. “Could you drop it please?”

Leo sighed and relented. Then he interlocked his hands and said, “There’s a party tonight, do you want to go?”

“What time?”

“Nine to whenever. I figured we’d carpool. You can invite Will if you want.”

Nico shook his head. “No, we’re- I’m busy. I’ll go after.”

Again, Leo looked at him suspiciously. “You said ‘we.’ Who’s ‘we?’” Nico frowned and flicked the ash off his cigarette. “Are you and Will going on a da-ate?” he sing-songed.

“It’s not a date,” he snapped, anxiously taking another puff.

But Leo laughed aloud and smiled triumphantly. “So you are going with him! Where to?” Nico scowled and rolled his eyes. “Nico, come on, dude. I’m happy for you.”

“There’s nothing to be happy about,” he protested. “It’s just this movie he wanted to see, and he’s trying to make me more social.” Nico scoffed and shook his head. “I’ll head to the party after, okay? Who’s hosting?”

“Percy. He and Annabeth got into an argument so he’s trying to relax.” Nico furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn’t an expert on dating, but something told him throwing a party wasn’t what you were supposed to do after an argument. “So… have fun on your d- oh sorry, _not-_ date. And I’ll see you later, okay?” Nico rolled his eyes again and waved lazily.

When he was done with his cigarette, he went back to his dorm and paced back and forth for a while. He had a roommate, but ever since the guy got a girlfriend, he was usually at her apartment. Nico didn’t mind having a double dorm room to himself.

He strummed his guitar lazily, singing the song Leo had sung at the café the day Will first went up to talk to him. It felt like it had been such a long time since then. But it had only been a week. And within that week, it felt like everything had turned upside down.

Before he realized it, it was already seven thirty and he rushed to brush his teeth, debated whether he should use cologne or not, and grabbed his phone and jacket. He raced out of his residence hall and kept himself from running to Will’s. He was in the elevator, and when it opened, he saw Will looking at his phone.

“Hey,” he said. Will looked up and his eyes widened. “Sorry, I’m a little late.”

“You came,” he said in surprise. “I-It’s okay. I was just heading out.” He stepped into the elevator and Nico scooted over. “Were you running?”

“What? No.” Will held back a smile and didn’t press. They made their way to the car and got in. Will managed to get off campus before Nico talked again. “So there’s a party starting at nine.” He raised an eyebrow. “I was going to go after we got back. Did you want to go too?”

“Mm, party’s aren’t really my thing. Thanks though.” Nico didn’t answer and Will looked over at him. There was a furrow in his brow and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Um, not to be the dad friend, but… are you sure you want to go to another party?” His eyes flickered over to him. Will averted his gaze and focused on the road. “I mean… are you going to try and get really drunk again?”

In his head, he thought back to Nico slurring as his hands wandered over Will, keeping him against the wall. “I just want out with a hot guy.” He shifted uncomfortably at the idea of Nico finding another “hot guy” and making out with him just because he was that drunk. He felt both angry and offended at the idea. Then he felt panicked because what if that guy did take advantage of Nico’s state? Wouldn’t that just hurt Nico? Or would he not care? Did Will want him to?

“Hello? Did you hear me?” Will blinked and shook his head.

“Sorry, no. What happened?”

Nico frowned and crossed his arms. “I said I wasn’t sure. I usually get drunk at them, but I don’t have to.” Will hummed and gripped he steering wheel a bit tighter. “Have you ever gotten drunk?”

“No.” He looked over at Nico and saw his mouth quirking up into a smirk. “What?”

He shifted and began fiddling with his fingers as he looked ahead at the road. Will frowned and looked at the road before glancing back at Nico. “Well…. What if you go to the party and maybe actually have a drink for the first time in your life?” he suggested. Will was about to protest, but Nico spoke over him. “I won’t drink this time. I’ll watch over you. Just like you watched over me.”

He hesitated and frowned. “I’ve had a drink. I just don’t like it. Parties aren’t very fun for me.”

“Maybe that’s because you’ve never tried to get drunk.” Nico laughed and Will looked at him worriedly. “I’m sorry I just- oh God. I just imagine you’re the type of drunk that turns into a total party animal,” he said between fits of laughter. “I can see it now. Will Solace on the coffee table, red cup in one hand, shirt in the other.”

“Shirt?”

“You’re performing a strip tease.”

Will’s eyes widened and he swatted Nico’s arm, but Nico dodged the hit and laughed. “Stop imagining me stripping!” It only made Nico laugh harder.

He lowered the window and poked his head out as they drove. “Hey everyone, Will Solace likes to strip when he’s drunk!” Will yanked him back, accidentally swerving the car in the process. The cars next to him and beside him honked, but Nico was filled with raucous laughter. “I’m going to assume I’m right until you prove me wrong.”

“You’re blackmailing me,” he muttered as he pulled into the movie theater. “And also, you’re going to pay for that. I don’t know how but you will.” Nico smirked cockily and Will rolled his eyes. He got out of the car and Nico followed. He looked at him expectantly and Will bit his lip. “Fine I’ll go. But you don’t get to drink anything!”

“Deal,” Nico said with a wide smile. He walked ahead and Will groaned.

He wasn’t sure if he’d said it just to prove he wouldn’t strip- God, he hoped he didn’t strip- or if it was because he didn’t want Nico getting drunk and making out with someone…. Someone who wasn’t him, if he was honest.

He decided to put it away from his mind for the time, and they got popcorn and nachos and sodas before going into the theater.

It wasn’t too bad being there with Nico. There were no awkward moments. They were quiet, but that was okay. They both reacted to the movie, cringing, laughing, snorting, gasping, once even jumping in their seats and proceeding to laugh at the other. When the movie was over, they both rambled on over the plot.

“I don’t know, the husband was kind of pointless as a character, you know?”

“Okay, but the transition scenes.”

“The girlfriend’s acting sucked.”

“Did you notice the way they pieced the hints together?”

“And the way they filmed the fighting!”

“Exactly!”

Will chuckled as he realized he hasn’t seen this part of Nico before. This upbeat, rambling, giggly version. All Will could see was his head of raven hair as he walked along the sidewalk, his eyes up as he looked at the movie posters outside. But even as he walked he seemed lighter.

He wasn’t walking with that laid back gait he used at school. When he turned, he wasn’t scowling. “I saw that one when I was little. With my family,” he said pointing at one of the old movie trailer posters. It was slightly faded since it was so old, but it was an iconic movie, so the theater didn’t take it down.

“How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” Will noted. Nico nodded and looked at the poster with a small smile. “How old were you?”

“Mm. Maybe three. I don’t remember being at the theater, and I didn’t remember the plot at all until I saw it again. But there’s pictures where my mom is holding me and my sister stood next to me us. My dad was on the other side of the poster. And we were all wearing Christmas hats.” He chuckled. “My mom made me and my dad the Grinch. Her and Bianca were Cindy Lou Who.” Will laughed softly and gauged his expression. He seemed happy still. Nostalgic. But he didn’t seem upset. “I loved it because it was taken with a Polaroid camera.”

“Where is the picture?” Will asked.

Nico started walking to the car and hugged himself in the chilly night. Winter was coming. “In one of my memory boxes. I like to put stuff in shoeboxes. My dad would tell me I’d pull it all out one day and wonder why the hell half of it was in there.” Will smiled. “He’s probably right. But I’ll also know it was important for some reason. I put it in the box for a reason. You know?”

Will nodded and they leaned against his car. “What’s in the box?”

Nico shrugged and kicked at the ground. “Prom tickets. A pamphlet about coming out. My graduation cap and cord. Music sheets. Strings that fall off my guitar. Little pieces of junk, you know? Stuff most people throw away.” He nodded and wondered at how much history one of Nico’s boxes could hold. If he saw them, would he understand Nico more? Would he know what things he considered important? “You’re right. Periwinkle looks silver at night.”

Will turned to look at the car and laughed. “I told you so.” Nico smiled and looked away. “Did you still want to go to that party?”

“I told Leo I would,” he said. He glanced over at Will. “And I won’t drink. I’ll watch after you.”

Will groaned and winced. “I don’t think I’ll drink more than one, just so you’ll see that I have had a drink before.” Nico scoffed and nudged him playfully before turning to go to the passenger’s seat.


	5. 5

Will seemed a little tense. Nico thought he was bad in social gatherings, but Will looked even more ready to bolt than he ever had. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I just… parties bore me, and I really don’t know what to expect with this one.”

“You’ll be fine,” Nico said, patting his shoulder. He nudged him in and people immediately began greeting him, much to Nico’s surprise. Once they’d gotten past a group of people, Nico raised one questioning eyebrow at him. “How could you not like parties when so many people seem to know and like you?” he asked. Will grunted in response.

“Hey, you guys made it!” Leo said. His eyes were glazed over already. “Come on, Nico, there’s a whole bottle of Bailey’s waiting for you.”

Nico bit his lip. He smiled and nodded. “Something tells me you already drank it.”

Leo laughed and shook his head. “Nah. I know it’s your favorite.” He turned to Will and smiled wider. “Hey man! Good to see you at another party! Feel free to get whatever you want.”

“I thought this was Percy’s party,” he pointed out.

Leo snorted. “He’s so shit-faced right now. Or close to it.” Will glanced at Nico worriedly and Nico frowned. “He’s fine. Me and Jason and Grover are helping him.”

“But you’re drunk too,” Will said.

Leo hiccupped and rubbed his neck. “Friends get drunk with friends,” he muttered. “I need another drink.” He turned away and Nico shook his head.

“Don’t worry, I won’t do that if you do decide to drink a lot.” Will scoffed and glanced around wearily. “If you didn’t want to come you didn’t have to, you know? I wouldn’t have minded.”

Will’s cheeks turned pink and he rolled his eyes. “Come on, what do you suggest I have first?” he questioned. Nico laughed and shook his head, nudging Will into the living room where there was a bar with all the drinks. “I won’t get drunk.”

“Okay,” Nico said with a smile. “Then we’re going big.” He grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured a shot into a red cup. He handed it to Will and laughed at his confused expression. “That’s a shot. Trust me you won’t be able to handle even a full fourth of the cup.” Will narrowed his eyes and sniffed the cup.

“Jesus, is that pure alcohol?” he exclaimed. Nico laughed at his expense. Will grimaced, took a breath, then tossed the cup back. He started coughing after swallowing it and covered his mouth. “Nope. Nope, that was horrible.”

“It’s horrible to everyone,” Nico said. “The only people who drink it are people who really hate themselves.”

It was supposed to be a joke. But then Will asked, “What were you drinking the day you got drunk?”

Nico’s smile melted away and he looked away from Will and at the bar. “Vodka,” he answered. Before Will could say something, he pulled him along and gave him a smile. “Come on, you have to learn to have fun at parties.”

“Where are we going?” he asked. Nico smirked and they went outside to the backyard where music was blaring and lights that had been plugged in with extension cords were flashing. “No way,” Will muttered.

“What you don’t dance?” Will shook his head. “Come on, it’s easy.”

“Dancing at a party is basically sex with clothes, and I’d really rather not,” he breathed.

“That’s an interesting way to put it,” Nico laughed. “Then what do you want to do? You want another shot of something? I’m pretty sure if you got one more you’d be a little more okay with dancing.”

“No one would even want to dance with me,” he muttered.

Nico’s smile faltered. He’d never seen Will so uncomfortable. So uncertain. And it finally clicked for him; Will Solace was insecure. Insecure in the way that kept him from having fun or dancing or talking to people who had a vague idea of him. He was insecure and Nico couldn’t really believe it.

Will Solace was gorgeous. From the tanned skin covered in freckles to the resplendent blue eyes and golden waves of hair and that goddamn perfect dimpled smile. He had no reason to be insecure. But Nico knew saying so wouldn’t make it better.

Instead, he took his hand and smiled. “I would. Dance with me,” he said softly. Will’s eyes widened, but he followed Nico to the crowd of people who were grinding and jumping and swaying and laughing. “No one is watching you,” he assured.

“You are,” he answered. Nico rolled his eyes and put his hands at Will’s sides, moving him gently.

“And you saw me drunk, stupid, vomiting, and pathetic. Relax.”

Will gulped and his breaths hollowed. “Can I get that other shot?” Nico frowned and turned Will around. He pulled him closer and heard Will gasp in surprise. Nico was careful to keep a bit of distance between their bodies while still maneuvering Will’s movements. “Neeks? People are looking.”

Nico’s eyes darted around quickly. Everyone was still dancing. Most of them were drunk. Many eyes flickered to and away from them. “Half of them want to be you. The other half want to be me.” He turned Will back so he would face him. His cheeks were bright red from the cold and maybe the nervous embarrassment.

Then Will began moving on his own. Nico smiled and clapped appreciatively. “I feel really stupid,” he muttered.

“You’re doing great. And I’m not saying it to be nice.” Suddenly the song changed to a group dance, and Nico yanked Will beside him as the others quickly got into place to dance. For a few songs, Nico and Will continued to dance, and slowly, Will got used to it.

An hour later, they’d gone back inside and Will asked him what Bailey’s was. So Nico had him follow to where he knew his friends would hide the bottles meant for him. He pulled the Bailey’s bottle from the fridge and showed it to him. “Want to try it? It’s not as strong as vodka. It’s like… coffee. Sweeter actually. This one you can actually fill a cup with without dying.”

Will laughed and grabbed a cup from the half full package on the floor. Nico poured him half the cup, in case he didn’t like it. Tentatively, Will drank and he blinked in surprise. “Okay, wow. That’s… way better than the shot of vodka.” Nico laughed and bit his lip as he watched Will finish his drink. “Can you fill it this time?”

“Okay, but drink it slowly. If you drink too much, it’ll go to your head fast.” Will nodded and took his cup. “Come on,” Nico said with a light chuckle. He led him to his group of friends. He’d never been this sober this far into a party before. It was a little strange, but he also didn’t feel a need to.

He heard a thump and turned back to see Will wincing as he fixed a picture back onto a tall wooden stand. “Oops.” Nico’s eyebrows went up and he smirked. “What?”

“Are you drunk already?”

“No,” he said. “I’m fine. Just…. I mean there’s like… I don’t know how to explain it,” he frowned.

“A buzz?” Will nodded. Nico rolled his eyes and patted his shoulder. “Alright, come on.” He looked into Will’s cup and bit back a smart-ass response. “Okay, so I’m telling you now, based off the fact that you’re already buzzed, if you finish that you will probably be a good level of drunk.” Will shrugged and gestured for Nico to keep walking.

As they walked, someone called for Will and Will turned, smiling and quickly began conversing. Nico stood aside, smirking. The change was evident in his posture, in his face. He was relaxed, confident. Nico tilted his head as he watched him smile and laugh. It wasn’t fair that someone so kind, so sweet, so caring, so honest, so... amazing was so insecure. And it wasn’t fair that it would only go away through “liquid courage.”

He blinked in surprise as he cleared his head. Why was he so invested in this guy? He didn’t want to drag him down further. But he wanted to know so much. He was torn between distancing himself and never wanting to leave his side. And he hated it.

The last person he’d felt this way for…. Well he hadn’t even been sure if it went away…. But then he hadn’t even thought about it for a whole week. Did that mean…?

Suddenly Will was in front of him, his eyes half closed, his lips curled into a soft smile, and small laughs and giggles escaping his lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever talked with a stranger that long. This is great. Is this what drunk always feels like?” His eyes sparkled as a familiar beat resonated through the house. “Oh! Let’s go dance!” He tugged on Nico’s hand before he could protest and they stepped out into the cold where everyone was dancing and shouting, singing along.

Unlike the first time, Will quickly blended into the crowd of people and began dancing. Nico blinked in surprise as people danced around him and laughed with him, singing at the top of their lungs.

Then he saw a girl go up to him, a sly smile on her face, her hands running up his arms, and he scowled. He stepped forward and pulled Will away from behind. “Nico!” he said happily. “Hey!” He wrapped his arms around him, much to Nico’s surprise. He wasn’t a hugger. “Let’s dance!”

Nico obliged if only to keep him away from anyone else. He looked so happy, and frankly, half asleep. Eventually, Nico managed to pull him away from the crowd and led him back inside to the warmth because his hands were freezing.

“I’m so happy you’re my friend, Neeks. It’s so great. I’m really happy. Thanks for being my friend. You’re great. You’re wonderful.” He chuckled and held Nico’s hand against his face.

Nico gave him a small smile and looked at his flushed cheeks. “Go figure. You’re an affectionate drunk.” But Will just giggled. He saw someone stumble past the sofa they were on and his eyes widened when he saw Percy struggling to stay upright. “Hey, Will, I need you to stay right here, okay. Can you promise me that?” Will nodded, grabbed a pillow, and shut his eyes.

Anxiously, Nico bit his lip and went around to help steady Percy. “Hey. You okay?”

Percy shook his head. He looked devastated. Drunk and devastated. He began slurring, and Nico sighed as he held him up. “She bruhk up wi- me,” he muttered. “I dunno wha- did.”

“I’m sorry, Percy,” he said sympathetically. Percy stared at him for a second then leaned forward and pressed his lips against his.

For months, Nico had wondered what it would be like to kiss Percy Jackson. And he’d wanted to be with him for so long. He’d wanted to hold him and be held by him. He use to fantasize about the day he would kiss Percy and be kissed back.

Now it was happening. Percy was kissing him desperately, albeit sloppily in his drunk state. His hands were at the nape of his neck pulling him in. His teeth grazed his lips. His lips tasted like alcohol.

And yet Nico didn’t want it. He didn’t enjoy it.

He pulled away and pushed Percy back gently. “Okay. Um. Percy, I think you should go to bed. I’ll get everyone out of here, but you need to sleep.” Percy tried to talk but he stumbled, despite standing still. “Oh God, okay.” He pulled Percy back and helped him to his room, vaguely wondering if this was what Will had to deal with. At least Percy was his friend. Will had helped him as a stranger, knowing nothing more than what an asshole he could be.

He put Percy in his bed and helped him take off his shoes. He put the trashcan by his bed and left the door to his bathroom open for him. He bit his lip anxiously and shut the door.

Thankfully, Will was still on the couch. Nico went outside and unplugged the music. As people booed at the sudden silence, Nico had a moment of whiplash. Never in his life had he thought he’d be the one to try and stop a party.

“Sorry, guys, but our host is going through stuff, so we’ve got to cut this short,” he shouted over them. “Go home.” They groaned, but dissipated quickly. It was early for a weekend, so maybe they’d all end up at clubs. He went inside and shooed people away, telling them it was time to go. A few of his friends were passed out in chairs, or on a couch, or the floor.

He walked over to Will and shook him gently. “Hey,” he whispered. Will woke up and broke into a smile. He patted his face affectionately, and Nico couldn’t help but chuckle. “Give me your keys, we have to get back,” he whispered. Will dug into his jeans, yawning and handed Nico the keys to his car. “Come on, upsy daisy,” he said, pulling him up.

“You’re such a great person,” he slurred. “I’m so happy you’re my friend.” Nico shook his head and took him to his car. Will kept repeating how wonderful Nico was and how happy he was he was that they were friends. Meanwhile Nico drove to the dorms as Will rambled on and on.

Then out of nowhere, he started crying. “Whoa, what happened?” Nico asked in alarm. Will shook his head and Nico hurried to find a parking spot. Then he turned to Will and grabbed his wrist. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“It’s just so unfair,” he moaned. “You’re such a good person, y’know? You’re really great and all this shitty stuff happens to you and it’s not fair. And you don’t even realize how amazing you are. Because all of this stuff just hurts you and keeps you from seeing the good in yourself. And I don’t want you to want to die, I don’t want you to want to hurt yourself. I want you to want to live, and hang out with me, and be my friend, and laugh and live and stuff. Did I say live already?” At that point, he was crying profusely, which made Nico panic.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he soothed, wiping away the tears anxiously. “Hey, it’s okay. Life isn’t always fair. I’m here right? We’re friends. It’s okay. Don’t cry. Come on, let’s take you to your dorm.”

Will sniffed and checked his pockets. “I think I left the key in there,” he mumbled. Nico looked at the keys in the car ignition and frowned. “Can I stay with you? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Okay,” he whispered as he turned the car back on and drove to his own dorm hall. He parked and got out, helping Will as they got up to his room. “Do you want some spare clothes?” Will shook his head and looked around with wide, curious eyes. “This one’s mine,” he said, gesturing to the bed. Will clambered onto it and sighed.

“It’s nice.” He frowned and looked around. “How’d we get here?” he muttered.

“I drove,” Nico answered as he kicked off his boots. He was surprised he was forgetting such recent things. He climbed onto the bed. Will scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him, causing his breath to hitch. He could feel his heart pounding through his chest.

He thought back to the kiss with Percy and how completely detached he’d felt. About how upset he’d gotten when a girl tried to dance with Will. About how easily Will caught him off guard and made him stay on his toes.

“Hey, Will?” he whispered. Will hummed, and Nico lifted his face to him. “Do you mind if I try something?” His eyes were so fascinating. So bright. So blue. They left Nico speechless all of a sudden. Filled with confusion, Will’s eyes sparkled and drifted in and out of focus on Nico.

Then he leaned down in and pressed his lips against Will’s. Electricity and warmth surged through him, making him dizzy in a beautiful way, unlike the way alcohol ever could. He pulled Will over him and cupped his face, wondering when the hell this blond piece of work had wedged himself so deep into Nico’s heart. It was so sudden.

Nico didn’t know much about him. He knew he rapped. He knew this was the first time he’d gotten drunk. He knew he was insecure. And very stubborn. But Will knew Nico’s past. He knew about the small things, things Nico hadn’t bothered to ask him.

As they kissed, Will’s body pressed against his own, his lips responding, Nico wanted to know it all. He wanted to hear him talk for hours and figure out what made him laugh, what made him cry, what made him angry, what made him happy. He wanted to know everything.

Realizing that, made him panic. He turned his face, and Will hovered over him, his breaths soft and fast. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“Why?” Will questioned.

Nico furrowed his eyebrows and laid him back down. “Because you’re drunk. And I can’t do this to you. I can’t drag you down with me, I can’t depend on you then wait for you to disappear, I can’t.” He shut his eyes. “I really like you, Will. And that scares me. I want to be around you, but I also want you to stay away from me-”

“That’s mean,” Will grumbled. “You can’t make me. You’re my friend, why do you want me to go away?” He was crying again, and even though it was just because he was drunk, it broke Nico’s heart.

He shook his head and wiped his tears. “Even drunk off your ass you’re stubborn as hell,” he whispered. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around him and shut his eyes. “Go to sleep,” he prodded. Within seconds, Will did.


	6. Ch. 6

His mouth was very dry. And there was a gross morning breath-mixed with alcohol aftertaste in his mouth that made him grimace. His head felt fuzzy and pressurized. As he opened his eyes, he realized he wasn’t home. He didn’t recognize the place at all, and his heart went into overdrive.

Then he realized someone’s arm was draped over his torso, and someone’s body heat was behind him. “Please be Nico, please be Nico, please be Nico,” he begged under his breath. He turned and let out a breath of relief when it was. Then he got confused. Why was Nico hugging him?

Slowly, he moved Nico’s hand away and got off the bed. He rinsed his mouth and found a bottle of water in Nico’s minifridge which he drank greedily. The night before was very fuzzy in his mind. He remembered dancing. And he remembered talking and laughing. He vaguely remembered a car ride and crying and… a kiss? His cheeks flushed and he shook his head. He remembered a kiss, but he couldn’t place it on a timeline. He couldn’t remember much, but he was sure he must have kissed Nico. He didn’t even want to think about what could have possibly happened to make Will kiss him.

He wondered if Nico would tease him for it when he woke up…. He wasn’t sure if he should wait for Nico to wake up or go back to his dorm. Then he realized he didn’t have his keys. He hoped Nico had them. He didn’t have the money to get new ones.

With nothing to do, he began to look around at the dorm walls. There were posters for bands and concerts. The roommate’s side had a lot of indie music, bands that Will had never heard of, with psychedelic art on the posters. Nico’s side had a lot of older rock bands like the Beatles, Guns N’ Roses, the Smiths, and similar bands. There were also little quotes written on torn notebook papers taped in random areas of the wall. Taking a closer look, Will realized they were song lyrics or book quotes.

Then he saw the journal on the desk. It was open and even though he knew he should look away, he looked closer, keeping his hands behind his back. It was the song he’d performed with Leo at the open mic night. It was fascinating to see the scribbles, the scratch-out marks, the side notes all over the page. He was itching to see the rest of it. He wanted to turn the pages and see what other melodies flowed through that mysterious mind of his.

Instead he stepped away and let his eyes skim over other things. He saw a few books piled at the edge of a desk. Mainly classics that teachers would require kids to read in high school. Two seemed like they were for pleasure, but they were also pretty old books. Colorful sticky notes poked out of all of them, which made Will figure Nico really liked to read them, even if they were just required.

He heard the bed shift and turned to look at Nico as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked around, squinting at the light. His hair stuck up in odd places, but the sight made Will’s heart stutter. When his eyes found him, he gave him a small smile. “Morning,” he muttered, his voice thick and heavy with sleep.

Will gulped and smiled back. “Morning,” he said softly.

“How are you feeling?”

He shrugged and leaned against the desk. “My head hurts a little, but I’m okay.”

“How much do you remember?”

Again he shrugged. “Bits and pieces, but I can’t really place it on a timeline. Was I any trouble?”

Nico chuckled and shook his head. “Not at all. You were a surprisingly well-behaved drunk.” Will laughed and blushed.

“So no stripping?”

Nico’s laughter filled the room. “No, no stripping.” He got off the bed and went to his sink to brush his teeth. “What time’d you wake up?” he asked through the toothpaste.

“About ten minutes ago maybe,” he said. He didn’t look at him as he thought of having to remove his arm from around him. He pointed at the posters. “I was just looking around at stuff. I didn’t touch anything,” he assured when Nico raised an eyebrow.

“It’s fine,” he chuckled. He rinsed his mouth and ran a hand through his hair. Will kept wondering if he’d mention the kiss. With his cool demeanor, he wondered if that kiss had even been with Nico. “Want to stop by the café? I hear they have new lattes for the winter.”

“Sure,” Will answered. “Um, do you by any chance have my keys? Or my phone?”

Nico went over to his closet and fished in his jacket pocket to pull out his keys. “Yeah, here. But I think your phone’s in your car still.” Will nodded. “You want an extra jacket? I think there’s a cold front today.” Before Will could answer, Nico gave him a thick jacket. He smiled and put it on. “Come on.”

Will followed Nico out of the room, out of the dorm hall, into the chilly air that made him curl into the jacket. They rushed to the café, because Will wasn’t about to be out in the cold any longer just to get his phone.

The warmth enveloped them and Will noted the flush of Nico cheeks, and the redness of his nose after the cold. Nico’s eyes met his and he smiled as he blew into his hands for warmth.

There was something off about Nico. Will wasn’t quite sure what it was, but he kept glancing at him as he stood in line and looked at the new menu. He was still happy. Or at least not brooding like he usually was. But it wasn’t the same as yesterday.

Once he’d ordered himself a latte, and hot chocolate for Will, they sat down at a table facing each other. Nico drummed his fingers on the table and looked at him curiously. That’s when he realized what it was. His eyes weren’t as happy as they were yesterday. They were solemn and tired. His smile didn’t reach them, and it created a contrast in his face.

“Tell me about your life back home,” he said suddenly.

“What?” Will blurted, caught completely off guard. “Wait. What?” Nico’s eyebrows rose and he looked at Will in confusion. “I mean… what do you want to know?”

He shrugged. “Anything. What was middle school like for you? Who were your friends? What’s your home like? Did you date?” He shrugged again, his eyes on the table. “Whatever.”

Will furrowed his eyebrows and chuckled awkwardly. “Um, okay.” He proceeded to explain that he had a little sister back home, that he would watch her after school every day while his mom worked and that he only had a few friends which he’d hang out with at school. He never really went out because he was always busy with school work and his little sister, but he didn’t mind. He told him about how he’d had a crush, but he never got the guts to talk to him because he didn’t think it’d amount to anything, considering how popular the guy had been. He told him about how awkward middle school was, how he’d been on the basketball team one year, and how things got a little less chaotic in high school. He told him about how he wanted to become a doctor, but he wasn’t sure what specialty yet.

Nico focused entirely on him, only interrupting him to ask questions or for clarification, and once to get their drinks and bring them back. When Will was done, he realized they’d been sitting there for hours, people had come and gone, barista shifts had changed, the light outside had changed. And they were still there.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to talk so much,” he said as embarrassment flooded his cheeks.

“Don’t apologize. I asked. I wanted to hear you talk.” Will furrowed his eyebrows and chuckled at that concept. Nico rested his chin on his hand. “You’re oddly insecure,” he noted.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s your problem,” Nico explained. “You don’t talk about yourself if someone doesn’t ask. But you listen to them for hours. A lot of people know you and like you a lot, but you never stop to have a conversation, and you hate being in public too long. You keep mentioning things like ‘no one would want to dance with me’ or ‘it wouldn’t have gotten anywhere’ or just other little things that make it seem like you’re not meeting some expectation or something.”

Will closed his eyes and grit his teeth. “Okay. So? Everyone’s insecure. Besides, that tends to happen when you spend most of middle school getting teased or rejected or something.”

“Teased and rejected?” Nico questioned.

Will grimaced and tried to explain without sounding stupid. “I know it was a long time ago, and I know middle school is tough for everyone, but I’d hear little things like… I don’t know, my legs were too skinny, or I had too many freckles, or girls teasing their friends for crushing on me and the retaliation of ‘why would anyone get a crush on that guy’ and stuff like that. I mean, it sounds stupid, but it just sort of followed me I guess. I’m always wondering what things aren’t right or worrying that someone I might like would never like me because of it.” Nico shook his head and chuckled. “What?” he said defensively.

“Nothing,” he said softly. “It’s just… nice to know you’re not so perfect.” He shrugged. “I guess we’re both a little messed up.” Will hummed and looked down at his own hands, covered in freckles. “Hey,” Nico said, pulling him out of his thoughts. “It may seem a little weird, but… you’re actually very attractive. So don’t worry about that.” Will’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed.

He laughed it off and shook his head. “You’re just saying that because we’re friends.”

“No, really,” Nico insisted. “Trust me. My drunk ass wouldn’t have tried to make out with you if you weren’t. And I’ve heard the way people talk about you. Nothing but good things. And at the party last night? It was hard to keep track of you because people kept trying to steal you away from me.” Will’s lips parted in surprise and Nico gulped. “You know, I mean from where I could keep an eye on you.”

“Right.” Nico nodded. “Well. Thanks. For the pep talk.” Nico scoffed and drank his latte.

He cleared his throat and scratched his head. Suddenly Leo was at the table, looking nervous. “Hey, guys. Um, Nico…. Annabeth wants to talk to you.”

“Abo- uh. Okay. Where is she?”

“Looking for you.” Nico grimaced and cursed under his breath. “She’s probably almost here.”

Nico rolled his eyes and got up. Will sat awkwardly, unsure of what was happening. Nico didn’t say anything before he walked out of the café. He saw Annabeth through the windows, walking towards him, her expression angry. “What’s going on?”

Leo bit his lip and sighed, taking Nico’s seat. “I guess you’ll hear about it eventually,” he sighed. “Percy threw the party yesterday because he and Annabeth got into an argument, and I found out later that they’d broken up. But they’re sort an on-again-off-again couple.”

“Right.”

Leo sighed and glanced back where Annabeth was digging into Nico, jabbing her finger into his chest, tears filling her eyes while Nico looked at her with a pained expression. “Okay… so…. Nico’s had a crush on Percy for a long time. I think they met during orientation, they ended up being roommates for it. And when classes started he still liked him. But Percy was dating Annabeth.”

A ball of lead dropped in his stomach. Ice spread in chest, and he tried not to look disappointed. “Okay,” he said.

Leo frowned. He looked like he didn’t want to go on, but he’d already said a lot. “Basically, Nico admitted it to Percy once. He was drunk and he told him, but Percy was really cool about it. Annabeth was too. They’re Nico’s friends after all.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” he muttered, his eyes on Annabeth as she shoved Nico away from her.

Leo sighed. “That’s because Percy and Nico kissed yesterday.”

Will’s stomach flipped and the blood drained from his face. “What?” he questioned, choking the word out.

“I can’t explain, I didn’t see. But other people did, and they saw Nico go into his room and then Nico was the one to send everyone away, so I mean… you know rumors started, and they got back to Annabeth.” Will stared at the table and felt his hands start shaking. “Hey, I mean, it might not have meant anything. Percy was really drunk, and Nico tends to get touchy when he gets drunk, he’ll kiss anyone who offers. I’ve seen it.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and thought back to that stupid party where Nico had pressed him against the wall, smiling and completely unfocused. _Fine I’ll find someone else,_ he’d said. “Yeah, I bet,” he answered. “Um. I have homework to do. If Nico comes back in, could you just tell him I had to go?” Leo nodded solemnly. Will got up and left through the other door of the café. He went to his car and drove it to the parking lot belonging to his dorm hall and he headed up to his room.

He wasn’t sure why he was so upset. They were just friends. And it’s not like Nico did anything with Percy…. Right? He couldn’t remember when they’d gotten back. For all he knew, Nico could have left him…. But he wouldn’t have done that to someone as drunk as Percy had been, would he? Had Nico left Will alone for him?

He had so many questions, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers. He and Nico were friends. That was it. There was no reason to be upset or hurt. There was no reason Will should be feeling so betrayed or angry.

He pulled out his backpack and spread out his homework on his bed. He organized it into an order he knew he would be able to get through if he sat down and focused. Instead of pondering over Nico and what had or hadn’t happened the night before, he submerged himself into math and anatomy.

While he studied, his roommate came in and whistled. “You didn’t come back last night,” he noted.

“You were here?” Will questioned in surprise.

Cecil shrugged. “I had a show I needed to binge. Where were you?”

“Party. I stayed at a friend’s.” Cecil hummed and gave him a smirk.

“So there’s this rumor going around about your fr-”

“I don’t really care about rumors,” he muttered. “I’m going to get a snack.” He got up and went down the stairs to the vending machine in the lobby. He wasn’t really hungry and he wasn’t really in the mood for a snack, but he figured he could stash them away for whenever he was. He got a bag of chips and started back up the stairs.

When he got inside, he saw Nico at his bed and nearly ran back down the hall to get away. But that was ridiculous, and this was his room. Nico got off his bed and started to speak, but Will interrupted him. “Oh did you want your jacket?” He grabbed it and handed it over. “Here you go. Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“Will, can I just-”

“Look, I didn’t mean to leave without telling you, but I have a lot of homework. And you were a little busy.” Nico looked at him guiltily, pleadingly. “Everything okay?” Will asked nonchalantly.

“I don’t know, is it?” he snapped. Will’s eyes widened and Cecil cleared his throat. Nico turned away, his cheeks flushed. Cecil stood and waved awkwardly before leaving the dorm. “If you could just let me explain, Will.”

“Explain what?” he asked, keeping up his careless attitude. “Leo explained it already, don’t worry.”

“I can imagine Leo explaining, so trust me, can I do it for myself?”

Will sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What is there to explain? You kissed Percy. Annabeth’s pissed off with you. Okay. Are you okay? I’m okay. You watched over me and you got me back safe like you said you would.” He shrugged. “Now I have a shit ton of homework, so…. I can’t talk right now.”

Nico furrowed his eyebrows, and Will could see him clenching and unclenching his jaw. “So… you don’t care at all.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Why would I? That’s none of my business. We’re just friends, and I’m here for you if you want to talk, but right now, I really need to get this done.”

“Friends,” he repeated hollowly. “Okay. Have fun.” He left the dorm, and as the door clicked shut, Will couldn’t help but wince.

He hadn’t meant to push him away. But he couldn’t sit and listen to Nico go on about his feelings for Percy, and kissing him, and Annabeth yelling at him. He couldn’t do that to himself.

Maybe it was his own fault for being so nice. For being so caring. He didn’t want to like Nico. Nico was the kind of guy everyone wanted to be with, and Nico knew it. It was obvious in his confidence and his demeanor. Will couldn’t bear the thought of Nico hating himself or hating his life because to him, Nico was exceptional.

He was incredible, perceptive, honest, he had the face of an angel, and a damaged heart that Will wanted to protect. He was strong in every way possible, and seeing him smile or hearing him laugh gave Will secondhand joy that he’d never felt before.

But he was also stubborn and pessimistic and defensive. Speaking to Nico meant being careful about how you said things because he was always waiting for a blow. And still, Will felt affection for those parts of him. Because they made him who he was, and he really couldn’t blame him for being that way.

He had a crush on Nico di Angelo. A stupid, unrequited crush that would only make their new friendship awkward and tense. The smart thing to do would be to put some distance. But Will didn’t want to. Even if it meant getting hurt, he didn’t want to stay away from Nico. He just needed a little time to get over the initial blow of finding out Nico’s heart belonged to someone else. And time to let it sink in that someone like Nico could never look at Will in that way.

Cecil came back and looked at Will worriedly but when Will turned away, he didn’t press.


	7. Chapter 7

He knew it was stupid, but he didn’t care. Those self-destructive tendencies were creeping back in to him, and he was frustrated. Will had said to talk to him if he ever felt upset, but how was Nico supposed to talk to him when he was upset _because_ of him?

He drove to Percy’s place and knocked on the door rapidly. Percy opened it, and immediately, guilt coated his features. He opened his mouth and Nico stopped him. “I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupted. “I just need the bottle of Bailey’s in your fridge. Now.”

Percy blinked in surprise and let him in. He went to the fridge and grabbed the bottle for him. “Nico, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt-”

“Oh my God,” Nico groaned. “Look, I don’t care. You were incredibly shit-faced and all I did was send you to sleep. I can handle Annabeth losing her shit with me. This isn’t about you! It hasn’t been for a long time, okay?”

Percy’s green eyes were wide with shock and his cheeks were pink. He lowered his gaze and nodded solemnly before Nico left. He went back to the university, exchanging his car for his motorcycle and tucked the bottle under the seat.

It was early, but the sky was dark. He went to a dirt road a few miles away. It was often used for lame street races for amateur cars and drivers who thought they were Vin Diesel. Nico liked it for his bike. He went around it once, getting the feel of the terrain. Then he pulled out the Bailey’s and drank from it, setting it down near a tree before kicking off again. He sped up and tried the makeshift ramp, which only resulted in him losing his balance and falling with his motorcycle on top of him.

He groaned, but after taking a few deep breaths, he was able to pull himself up and get going again. He tested his speed, sloppily tried to do tricks, and constantly fell off. He disposed of his jacket, feeling exhilarated with the rush of riding and each time he fell, the rocks would scrape his skin, or his motorcycle would burn him, the metal hot from the engine. Usually, he’d fall a few feet away from his bike, but he didn’t mind. And the more he drank the more reckless he became.

Until he became exhausted and was laying down with his motorcycle as a rest. He finished his bottle, but it wasn’t as strong as vodka, so he didn’t feel as out of control as he had the last time he’d gotten drunk. It didn’t help that the bottle hadn’t been completely full when he took it. He groaned and looked at the new bruises and scrapes that littered his arms and the tears in his jeans, the dirt that coated him from each fall.

He pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket and lit one to calm down and focus. He was a good level of dizzy, close to drunk, but not quite. It would probably fade away in about an hour. He didn’t think he could make it back to school, but he wouldn’t have minded staying out there in the cold where he couldn’t think of anything besides his cigarette, his bike, and his dizziness.

He looked up at the sky and saw a few stars twinkling, scattered across the sky. He’d forgotten why he went out there, but he didn’t try to figure it out because he knew he’d succeeded in distracting himself.

He finished his cigarette and nearly put out the stub on the back of his hand before hesitating. That wasn’t good, and he knew Will would be upset if he saw a fresh burn on him, even if it didn’t even hurt him anymore. He sighed and put the cigarette out on the dirt.

Then he pulled out his phone and called Jason. “Hey. Uh, I’m at the dirt track. I can’t ride back,” he mumbled.

“On my way, man,” Jason answered. Twenty minutes later, the headlights to a pickup truck pulled Nico from the sky and Jason got out of it. “Hey.” Nico nodded and stood clumsily, grabbing his jacket in one hand. His fingers were numb. “Dude, why aren’t you wearing your jacket it’s freezing,” Jason said as he put Nico’s motorcycle in the back.

“Can’t feel it,” he muttered. Jason ushered him into the truck and drove him back to the school. Nico tied his bike up and thanked him before going up to his room and taking a shower. His scrapes stung slightly with the water, but he didn’t mind. He’d felt worse things.

He got redressed and plopped himself onto his bed, feeling drained. Then he heard a knock on his door. Thinking it was just an RA, he ignored it and covered his head with a pillow. The knock came again, harder, and Nico groaned as he got up.

He was more than a little shocked to see Will with a scarf and hoodie standing at the entrance. “Sorry,” he said when he saw Nico. “You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Oh.”

“Are you feeling better?” he asked.

Nico rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “What are you doing here, Solace?”

Will sighed and rubbed his arms. “I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I blew you off earlier when you needed to talk. I said I’d be here for you and I wasn’t.”

“Whatever, it’s fine. I’m fine now.”

Will didn’t answer. Nico wouldn’t look at him. Then he felt his hand on his arm, and Will began inspecting it in shock. “Are these… new?” he asked, looking at the bruises and scrapes. “Nico, what did you do?” He yanked his arm back angrily and scowled. Will’s features contorted and he ran his hand through his hair. “ _Come_ _on_ , Nico! You’re going to let some stupid guy that kissed you when he was drunk make you go and-”

“ _Stop,”_ Nico growled, through clenched teeth. He could only think of Will, drunk and confused and emotional, kissing him back the night before. And here he was in front of him, without a memory of it. “Just go back to your dorm, Solace,” he muttered.

Will furrowed his eyebrows and sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…. Look, I’m here for you, okay? I won’t say stupid stuff like that anymore, I promise. Just let me help you out.”

“I don’t need your help!” he snapped. “Stop trying to be my therapist, for the love of God, Solace!”

“I’m not trying to be your therapist! I’m trying to be your friend!” Nico scoffed and nearly shut the door in his face, but Will held his hand out and stopped it. “Nico, don’t! Please don’t push me away.”

Nico stared at him, angry and hurt and frustrated. “Don’t you get it?” he spat. “I have to push you away. I’m a fucking mess, I ruin everything I touch, and I don’t want to ruin you! We can’t be friends, and I don’t want you to be my therapist-”

“Well I think I can handle myself, Nico. I want to be your friend, and I don’t care how long it takes for you to realize I’m not going anywhere. I’m waiting.”

Nico’s lips parted in surprise, his breaths fast and shaking. “But I don’t… want… to be your friend,” he whispered.

The change in Will’s expression tore him apart. His eyebrows rose, he averted his gaze, and his cheeks had turned bright red with embarrassment. His jaw clenched as he shut his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. He scoffed lightly and licked his lips as he stepped back. “Right. I guess that makes sense.” He swallowed and started to leave, but Nico couldn’t let him.

“Wait, don’t go,” he called desperately. “You don’t get it, Will. I’m not good for you. Being my friend will only drag you down. And despite that- I do want to hang out with you, and I want to talk to you and watch movies and eat junk food and listen to you rapping so fast I can’t separate the words. And you want me to just be your friend, but I can’t do that. Because I’m just caving deeper, needing you more, and I don’t want to need you. Because then-”

“Nico, what the hell are you trying to say?” Will interrupted. “Because you’re going in circles. We shouldn’t be friends, but you want to be friends, but you don’t want to want to be friends, I mean what the hell do you want from me then?”

Nico stared at him and took a shaky breath. He had nothing to lose. And he was tired of not understanding himself either when there was only one thing he knew he wanted.

With his piercing blue eyes on him, Nico’s heart went into overdrive. He put his hands behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

He felt Will gasp against his lips, but then he was kissing him back. Nico could hardly believe it. The kind, wonderful, beautiful Will Solace was actually kissing him back, sober. He could feel the warmth of his hands at his sides, his fingers pressing gently into his skin, pulling him near. He could feel the movement of his jawline, the warmth of his neck. He could feel his lips warm, tentative, and soft.

Nico slid his tongue along Will’s lip, urging him to let them part, and he heard a small groan in the back of his throat. Will’s fingers dug deeper, one hand rose to face, and Nico couldn’t bring himself to stop. He wanted nothing more than to be there in his arms, pulling him close, kissing him wholeheartedly.

“This,” he whispered. “I want this.”

Will looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, his blue eyes intense, his freckled cheeks rosy. “But… Percy….”

“Was drunk and kissed me, and I pushed him away and put him to bed. I don’t like him anymore.” Will was looking at him, with eyes so dilated, there was only a small ring of blue around them. “Just… please tell me you kissed me back because you like me and not because you don’t want to offend me.”

“Only if you tell me you kissed me because you like me and not because you’re drunk.”

Nico pressed his lips against Will’s softly. “I’m not drunk.”

They heard footsteps, and Nico turned, surprised to see his roommate. “Uh, hey,” he said.

“Hey.” He cleared his throat and looked at Will. “We should… go somewhere to talk.” Will nodded and Nico grabbed a jacket and a spare for Will. He stepped out and gave it to Will, then took his hand to lead him out. They made their way into the cold, with no real idea of where they were going.

Then Will tugged him in the direction of his dorm. Instead of going into the building, they went to the parking lot and got into the backseat. Will leaned over to turn the car on so the heater would run. Both of them struggled to remove their larger jackets before sitting in awkward silence. “You should know that all of this is very confusing for me,” Will whispered finally.

Nico glanced over at him, his heart pounding with the proximity, with the warmth, with the knowledge that they’d kissed _each other_ while sober. It made his head hurt that they both liked each other, and they both wanted the other to like them, and yet they were so uncertain and confused about what to do. “It is for me too,” he answered. His blue eyes flickered to him, reflecting the light from the parking lot lights outside.

Nico sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I… I’m very confused myself. I like being with you. I like hanging out with you, whether we’re doing something or not, and that’s… weird because I don’t like being with people for long. Yeah I can handle a party, I can handle class, but it takes a lot of mental preparation. With you… it doesn’t. I’m not trying to be anyone, I’m not putting up my guard.” He looked at Will, his eyes so focused and attentive. “I just know that being around you makes me feel… nice.” He furrowed his eyebrows and began to fidget with his hands. “But I also know how fucked up I am. Okay, I have periods of time where nothing is okay and I stay in my room, sleeping, not showering for days at a time. Sometimes I get so angry that I’ll say the things I know will hurt someone even if I don’t mean them.” He took a breath and looked at Will. “I’m a mess, Will. And I don’t how to fix it or if I ever will. I do know that if you stay around me, even if just as a friend, I’m going to hurt you. Whether through something I say or by making you feel the same way I do, by making you fall into the same rut I’m in. You can’t pull me out. But I can drag you in. And I don’t want to do that to you, you don’t deserve that, okay? You’re good and kind and caring and-”

Will placed his hand over Nico’s mouth. “Stop,” he said. “I never said I could make your depression go away. I know it doesn’t work that way. I can’t snap my fingers and make it disappear. But I know what it does. I won’t be confused if you don’t talk to me for a few days, I won’t feel it’s my fault if you don’t want to talk. I would understand. I do understand.” He sighed and pulled his hand away. “I really like you, Nico. And it’s not because I think you need help, it’s not because I feel sorry for you, it’s not because I have some White Knight complex.” He blushed and began tugging at his hair, not looking at Nico. “I get nervous around you. I feel happy. I don’t feel like I have to watch what I say so you’ll still talk to me. My… my heart beats faster when you’re close, when you smile at me because I made you laugh, and oh God, Nico, your laugh.” Nico’s breath caught as he spoke. “Your laugh is one of my favorite sounds,” he whispered. “When Leo told me about Percy…. I guess I hadn’t really realized what I felt for you until then. I wouldn’t let myself. Because it seems impossible that someone like you could like me.”

“You and your insecurity,” Nico chided softly, turning Will’s face towards him. “Anyone would be crazy not to like you, Will Solace.” Will stared at him, the apprehension clear in his eyes.

Slowly, Nico leaned in again, his eyes on Will’s lips as they parted in surprise. He slid his hand to the side of his face, pulling him closer. Will pulled away and turned his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not… good at kisses.”

“Says who?” Nico murmured.

Will looked at him, his cheeks flushed, his eyes bright. “I’ve just… I don’t kiss people often.”

Nico squinted his eyes and fought back a smile. “Have you been kissed before I kissed you, Will?”

“Yes!” he said indignantly. “Just… not by someone who liked me. It was either a dare or part of a skit. Then you were drunk, and that was the first time since.”

Nico bit his lip and ran his thumb over Will’s bottom lip. He could feel his shuddering breaths. “I can’t remember the first time I kissed you,” he admitted. “But you did just fine last night.”

Surprisingly, Will let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God, it _was_ you.” Nico raised and eyebrow and smirked. “I just… I mean, I remember kissing someone, and I figured it was you, but… you didn’t say anything so I panicked.” Nico chuckled and leaned against the back of the passenger seat. “So… you actually like me?” he questioned.

“Yes,” Nico answered. “It’s… terrifying actually. I’ve never wanted to be around someone this much. I’ve never wanted to actually try. I’ve never… cared.” Will looked at him skeptically and Nico shook his head. “I liked Percy for a while. But I never bothered trying to get anywhere. I only ever admitted it because I was drunk, and then… after that we were just a little distant. I guess I didn’t care.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. But… I did wonder what it was like to kiss him. To have him kiss me back. To be honest, I didn’t like it. I didn’t get excited, I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished some major goal, or…. I just felt worried for him.” He slid his hand closer to Will’s, touching his fingertips. “It’s not like that when I kiss you.”

“What’s it like?” he said in a voice softer than a whisper. Nico looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, and leaned into him again, pressing their lips together. There were no words good enough to express what he felt when he kissed Will. There was a fire in his veins, peace in his mind. For that moment, his brain shut up and let him immerse himself completely in the kiss, in Will. He pulled back and Will’s nervous breaths were cool against his lips. “Oh,” he whispered. “So… we… are we…?”

Nico bit his lip and took a deep breath. “It might be a complete disaster. We’re not very compatible. But I don’t want to just be your friend.”

“And I don’t want to stay away from you.”

“Then I guess we’re screwed, huh?” Nico chuckled. Will nodded and leaned forward.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it didn’t matter. It was late, and their actions or lack of had no consequences. They could have stayed there until morning if they wanted, and it wouldn’t have mattered. Time was frozen for the time. It was frozen just for them, so they could become accustomed to each other’s lips, so they could hear whispered reassurances, so they could build hope in something so raw and new.

Time didn’t matter. He only cared that he was there with Will. That he’d kissed him. That Will kissed him back. That his brain wasn’t shutting down, and for once, he felt okay. He felt normal. He knew it wouldn’t last. But that’s how he felt at the moment, and he would enjoy it.

Will was tracing the scars of old and new scrapes on Nico’s arms lazily, his head on his shoulder. Meanwhile, Nico was creating pictures with the freckles, barely visible in the dark, on Will’s hand. “Hey, Neeks,” Will yawned. Nico hummed. “I’m getting sleepy. And I don’t want to sleep in my car.” Nico chuckled and sat up, stretching as much as he could in the confined space.

They put their jackets back on and Will shut the car off. It was colder than it had been when they first went outside, but Nico didn’t mind. He could hardly feel it with Will’s hand intertwined with his own.

He walked Will to his dorm since it was the closest. Before disappearing through the door, Will hesitated and looked at Nico with bright red cheeks. “Um. So. Just to be sure…. We’re… dating now, right?”

Nico bit his lip and cupped his face to peck his lips. “Yes,” he whispered. Will broke into a smile, wide and honest and beautiful. It made Nico’s stomach fill with butterflies.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Good.” He wrapped his arms around Nico and hugged him tightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” he whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

Will saw Nico at the café the next morning. If he was completely honest, he was a little scared to go up to him. The previous night felt so surreal, he was sure he’d made it all up. But his lips were chapped and he was still wearing the jacket Nico had let him borrow. It was the only reassurance he had that the night had been real.

He walked over to where he was sitting with his laptop open. “Hey,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.

Immediately, Nico’s eyes lit up and he smiled. “Hi,” he breathed. “Morning. Did you want to get a drink? I haven’t ordered anything.”

“Sure. I have class in a bit, but I have time.” Nico stood and smiled at him as he started for the line. Will stood with him, unsure of what to say. Then Nico pulled his sleeves up and Will frowned. “You never told me where you went yesterday. Those are new.”

Nico looked at his arms and frowned. “How can you even tell?” he scoffed.

Will crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “For one, I have a little sister who got scrapes every day. For another, I want to become a doctor. I’ve been training my eyes for those things for years.” Nico rolled his eyes and ordered the drinks, already knowing what Will wanted. They stood aside and Will nudged him. “So?”

He sighed and bit his lip. “I was on my bike. My motorcycle, I mean. There’s this road I like to go to.” He scratched his head and sighed. “I took my cigarettes, my motorcycle, and that bottle of Bailey’s I’d left at Percy’s and rode my bike until I could only feel the cold.”

Will frowned and tensed. “You told me you weren’t drunk.”

“I wasn’t! I swear. It takes a lot for me to get drunk. About half a bottle of Bailey’s wasn’t going to do it. And by the time I got back and showered and you came by, even the buzz had worn off.” Will pursed his lips and Nico tilted his head to meet his eyes. “I meant everything I said yesterday.”

“Okay,” he answered. “But you have to stop turning to alcohol when you get upset.” Nico grunted and gave him a smile. They got their drinks and Will held his with both hands so he could warm up. “So,” he started. “How did yesterday go… with Annabeth?”

Nico grimaced and shook his head. “Ah. She was really upset and it took a lot before she believed me when I said I had nothing to do with that particular moment. But she was still angry. With both me and Percy actually.” He shrugged. “It’s not really my problem. Where’s your class?”

“Chase hall,” he answered. Nico nodded and went outside, gesturing for Will to follow. “You don’t have class today?”

“I do, just later. I don’t mind walking you.” Will smiled and took a sip from his drink. As they walked, Will’s hand brushed against Nico’s and he blushed slightly, unsure. Nico froze for a moment, and out of the corner of his eye, Will saw him glance at their hands. Then Will felt the warmth of Nico’s hand sliding slowly into his, interlocking their fingers. Will looked at him and laughed awkwardly. “This is new,” Nico chuckled. “Holding someone’s hand. I like it.” Will bit his lip and felt a blush creep into his cheeks. “Hey, you believe me, right? That I wasn’t drunk.”

Will pulled him to a stop and held his chin in his hands, making him meet his eyes. “Do you promise you weren’t drunk?”

“I promise,” he breathed, his eyes wide and dark.

“Then I believe you,” Will answered. His eyes fell to Nico’s lips and he leaned forward pecking them gently. Surprisingly, a light blush began coating Nico’s cheeks. “Come on,” Will said with a smile, pulling him along to his class.

They had time to kill, but it was better to be waiting in the warmth than in the cold. Nico leaned against a pillar and Will stood beside him, playing with his hand and the new sensation that came from it. His hand was rough, and he could feel the callouses, the scrapes. He ran his finger over the knuckles, down each finger, inspected each little scar that decorated it.

Suddenly, his voice pulled him away from his observations. “What are you thinking?”

He looked up from his hand and chuckled awkwardly, lacing their fingers together again. “Nothing really. It’s just… your hands sort of tell a story. It’s intriguing.” Nico smirked and raised an eyebrow. Will bit his lip, holding back an embarrassed smile. “Could you say it?”

“Say what? Intriguing?”

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “No. I mean… what am I to you?”

“Mm. A pain.” Will glared at him and he smiled cheekily. “A miracle?” he amended. Will gave him an exasperated look and Nico pulled his hand away to pull him closer. He placed a hand on his cheek and bumped their noses together. “My boyfriend,” he whispered. Will smiled and Nico pulled him into a kiss.

He still couldn’t believe it. Even with the tender tone of his voice and the sweet smile and the gentle touches, it was hard to wrap his head around the fact that someone so unrealistically fascinating could have paid attention to him. Will’s heart sped up like a jackhammer when Nico was close, and butterflies burst in his stomach any time he smiled. He couldn’t imagine Nico feeling the same things when it came to Will. He couldn’t imagine him pining after him, getting nervous around him, feeling completely awed by him the way Will felt.

“Mm,” he hummed as he pulled back and caught his breath. “Somehow I don’t think anyone else around us would appreciate our display of affection,” Nico chuckled.

“Like I care,” Will scoffed, pressing his lips against Nico’s again. He laughed against the kiss and Will pulled back. “Okay you’re right. Plus I need to get to class. I’ll see you later?”

“Definitely.” He leaned forward hesitantly and kissed Will’s cheek, causing him to fight back a sudden fit of pathetic giggles. He smiled and turned away, giving him a wink before disappearing through the door.

Will made his way to class feeling elated and pleasantly dizzy. An alcoholic buzz could never compare to the buzz Will felt with Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico was making his way back to his dorm, hoping to cram in a little studying before a test in his next class. It was nearly impossible to concentrate. He couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t breathe, but for once it was for a good reason.

As he sat at his desk, he could only think of Will’s blushing face, of the sparkle in his eyes when Nico called him his boyfriend, of the jolt of electricity that surged through him when he said it. He couldn’t believe that someone who knew almost everything about him, someone who knew how fucked up and how messy he was still felt anything for him.

Ever since they had established they were dating, Nico felt like he could take on the world. He felt euphoric, high on excitement and adrenaline, like nothing could bring him down. He knew it wouldn’t last. He knew his depression would creep back in at some point, but at that moment, he was absolutely invincible.

Unable to contain his energy, he pulled out his journal and flipped to a blank page where he began scribbling the words to a chorus furiously. He pieced together verses with Will in mind, trying to capture this feeling of elation.

After several scratched-out words and looping letters, he realized he had two minutes to get to class and had to shove his journal into his bag.

After his exam, which he miraculously managed to recall lectures for, he arrived at the café and sat down to finish his song. A few moments later, he saw Will come in with Leo. After buying a cookie, he sat down beside Nico. “What are you doing?” he questioned, leaning against him.

Nico moved his arm and put it around his shoulders, shutting his journal with his other hand. “A song. But you can’t see it yet.”

In front of them, Leo was staring with furrowed eyebrows and a tilted head. His eyes flitted between them, and both Will and Nico began to blush. “W-Wha-Wai-I….” Leo stammered. “Are you two… a thing now?”

“Boyfriends, to be exact, the inaccuracy bothers Will,” Nico muttered, using his sarcasm to mask his embarrassment.

Suddenly Leo jumped onto the couch and began shaking Nico, causing Will to scurry away and Nico to let out a stream of profanities while Leo laughed in victorious glee. “I knew it! I fucking knew it! And you said you weren’t into him, you lying little shit!” he teased.

“Get off, you animal!” he growled, shoving him away. Will was laughing on the other side of the couch, which made the torture worth it. “Leo, I’m going to murder you.”

But Leo wasn’t done. “’Oh, of course I don’t like him! What’s his name again? Why would I like him, with his pretty face and sparkling eyes, oh, no, Leo, of course not, you’re crazy,’” he mimicked.

“Are you done?” Nico grumbled, feeling the rush of blood in his face.

“Are you kidding? I’m never letting this go. Ever.” He turned to Will and held up a hand for a high five which Will gave him. “I knew it. And you met thanks to me. You’re welcome. I accept cash as a thanks.”

Nico rolled his eyes and pulled Will back near him. “Actually, the first time was when we ran into each other at a turn. Before our class,” Will said. “Then I saw him again at the karaoke night.”

“Where he was a total jerk to you. God knows how you got this precious sunshine to fall for you, Nico.” Nico rolled his eyes and flipped him off. “Oh man,” Leo said with a smile. “So did this just recently happen?”

“Last night,” Will said, nodding.

“Oh shit,” he said. “Does anyone else know?”

Nico shrugged. “Probably anyone who’s seen us holding hands. We haven’t really been announcing it to everyone, but we’re not hiding it either.” Leo nodded and scoffed in disbelief as he sat back on the couch beside them. “By the way, I have a new song for the next karaoke night.”

“Good deal, we’re doing that again,” he said with a smile. “Okay, I have to go get some homework done because I procrastinated and it’s due in… an hour and a half. Bye guys.” He waved and smiled, disappearing into the building connected to the café.

Will scooted nearer, tugging Nico by his jacket “So you think I have a pretty face and sparkling eyes?” he laughed, his breath warm against Nico cheeks, sending shivers down his spine.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, his cheeks flaring.

Will laughed and leaned against the couch. “No one’s ever said something so nice.” Nico raised an eyebrow. Those weren’t real compliments. They weren’t nearly as nice as everything he had to say about Will now. “And you pretended not to know my name?”

“Wait,” he interrupted. “What…? What do you mean no one’s ever said anything so nice?” Will blinked in surprise and furrowed his eyebrows.

Then he shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean I know that was probably you being annoyed with me, but I don’t know. People don’t bother to really comment on my appearance except for ‘you have really nice eyes,’ you know?” Nico frowned and hummed.

It didn’t seem fair that Will, who was so sweet and kind and open and happy wouldn’t get told more compliments. Nico knew he’d heard things about him. The freckled blond who was always studying at the café. He heard girls whisper about how cute he was. Nico knew he got compliments. He knew girls and guys alike talked about him, and they either talked of him like he was royalty or the scum of the streets- there was no in between. But he never cared.

Maybe Will didn’t either, but he deserved to hear those compliments more than anyone. Still, the idea of Nico himself gushing about everything that made his heart beat faster made him anxious and embarrassed.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Will questioned.

Nico blinked and smiled slightly. “No reason,” he whispered. He pulled him into a kiss and felt his stomach flip at the excitement.

Will cleared his throat and his cheeks turned bright red. “You know, people are looking.”

“Good,” he muttered, pulling him in again. And he meant it. He wanted people to know Will was his boyfriend. He wanted people to see that this wonderful person was with him, that Will wanted to be with him.

Will pulled back and chuckled, placing his hand over Nico’s mouth. “I need to study,” he said. “I can’t do that if you keep shoving your tongue down my throat.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Oh you want me to shove my tongue down your throat?” Will’s eyes widened and pushed Nico back with a hand on his face.

“It was just an expression.” Nico laughed and stopped trying to kiss him.

He stood up and kissed his temple. “Okay, I’ll let you study. I want to take a nap after that horrible test I had to take.” He fiddled with his hand and smiled at him. He didn’t want to go. “Text me?”

“Yeah,” Will answered with a smile that made Nico’s heart skip a beat.

Will watched him go and bit his lip, trying to hold back a smile. He pulled out his notebook and his laptop as well as his textbook and set them out on the bench table in front of them. A few moments later, a shadow settled over his things and he looked up to see a boy looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. He had dark hair and hazel eyes. He was tall, wearing a beanie, a scarf, and a heavy jacket. He hesitated a moment before asking, “You’re dating Nico?”

Will’s lips parted in surprise and dread began to creep into his chest, causing his stomach to tighten. “Yes,” he answered. The boy looked away and hummed. “Why?” he asked.

His hazel eyes flickered back, distant and sad. “He’ll tear you apart. I just thought you’d like a warning. A guy like Nico doesn’t know how to love someone. He only knows how to ruin them.”

“Excuse me?” he answered, feeling heat spread up his neck. Who was this guy to tell him anything about Nico?

The guy sighed and shook his head. “It seems crazy, I know. At first he’s charming and sweet. Then he gets whatever he wants and disappears. Nico doesn’t date. He only screws people over.” He shrugged and stepped away. “I just thought you should know.”

He walked off and will was left dumbfounded and unsettled. Nico’s voice rang in his ears. _I have to push you away. I’m a fucking mess, I ruin everything I touch…._

He tried to ignore it. He tried to push away the doubt that had begun creeping into his mind. Hadn’t Nico admitted to him what a mess he felt like? Hadn’t Nico urged him to stay away for his own sake? Surely… that meant Nico cared about him. Will had no idea what dating was supposed to be like. He’d never dated anyone before.

Suddenly, he felt like everyone was looking at him, thinking the same thing: _Nico di Angelo doesn’t date. He’s going to ruin you._ Suddenly the stares didn’t seem surprised or envious. They looked like they were filled with pity.

He clenched his jaw and gathered his things to make his way to the library where he could hide among shelves and stay away from the eyes of strangers. He was there for hours, unable to study as well as he usually did because the hazel-eyed boy’s words of warning were on a loop in his brain.

Then his phone buzzed and he jumped slightly. He checked it and saw a text from Nico. _Hey Einstein. You’ve gone MIA for six hours. Need a break?_ Will checked the time and was surprised to see he had in fact been sitting there for nearly six hours. He texted back that he’d drop his things off at the dorm and meet him at the café.

He gathered his things in a rush and again, tried to forget what he had been told earlier. He didn’t want Nico knowing he was doubting him. Not only because he might get offended by it, but because he felt stupid for feeling that way. He was always worried that someone might not actually like him. He never showed it, but the thought was always there. He already felt he liked Nico more than Nico could possibly like him. He didn’t need to keep feeding that thought.

After he dropped his things off and grabbed a snack to keep some form of nutrient in his body, he started to leave to meet Nico at the café.

But Nico was already there, waiting against the wall across from his dorm. Will staggered back in surprise and furrowed his eyebrows. “Hey, what are you doing here? I said I’d go meet you at the café.”

“I know. But.... There’s always a lot of people at the café. And….” He dipped his head and took a breath. “Okay, so I’ve never dated anyone before,” he said. “I have no idea how to be a boyfriend. So…. I’m just going to do everything I’ve seen boyfriends do on TV.” He pulled his hands out from behind him and held out a small box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates and a bag of Twizzlers in one hand, and a small stuffed bear holding a sunflower. Will’s eyebrows shot up and his jaw fell open. “I remember you saying how much you and your sister loved Twizzlers when you went to the movies and how you’d save up to buy the big boxes of Ferrero chocolates.” He gulped and took another breath. “And, on TV they’re always giving stuffed bears, and this one had a sunflower, so….” He gave Will and nervous smile.

Will’s heart was beating so fast he could hardly think. He felt warm all over. He took the things from Nico with shaking hands and smiled, unable to believe it. Then he pulled Nico into a kiss filled with so much affection, they staggered back against the wall.

“I take it I did a good thing,” Nico gasped.

Will nodded and pressed his lips to Nico’s again, holding him as close as he possibly could. Maybe Nico had been destructive for the hazel-eyed boy. Maybe he did struggle to take relationships seriously. But hadn’t he admitted it all to Will? Hadn’t he urged him to stay away for fear of dragging him down? Hadn’t he mentioned he’d only ever used people? And now, hadn’t he just said he had no idea how to be someone’s boyfriend? But he was trying. He cared.

And that meant more to Will than anything that might be in Nico’s past.


	9. Chapter 9

Later in the week, Nico and Will were waiting in the café for Leo. They were sitting at a table, scrolling through their phones. Will glanced up each time the door opened, expecting Leo. But Leo was always late.

Once, when he looked up, he saw the hazel-eyes boy from before. He frowned and hesitated for a second before nudging Nico. “Can I ask you something?” he said nervously. Nico looked up from his phone and raised an eyebrow. “Who’s the guy at the last table by the windows? The one with a plaid scarf.”

Nico’s eyes flickered over, scanning for the person Will meant. Will watched him carefully and saw the slightest hardening of his eyes. “I have no idea. Why?”

Will grit his teeth and looked at Nico expectantly. Finally, Nico looked at him. “Please don’t lie to me, Nico,” Will said softly.

Nico lowered his gaze and licked his lips. “He’s just someone I messed around with once. He’s really no one important.” Will frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to tell if he was lying. “You don’t believe me,” he noted. “What’d he tell you?”

“Nothing you haven’t told me.” Nico blinked in surprise. “He told me you don’t date. That you take what you want and disappear.”

His expression hardened and jawline tensed. It was something Will loved to see, but he knew now was not the time to admire his boyfriend’s exceptional jawline. He sighed and interlocked his hands, ducking his head. “He wanted to date. He thought I did too. But… I didn’t.” He looked at him, his eyes dark and brooding. His hands reached for Will’s and encased them. “I have never dated anyone before you, Will. I didn’t lie about that. That guy is just one of a few people who I led on too long. And I’m not doing that to you.” Will nodded tersely, pressing his lips together as if to say, _what are you gonna do?_ Nico’s brows furrowed together. “Will, I don’t ever want to hurt you. Do you understand that?”

“Of course I do,” he answered. “I don’t want to hurt you either. But I do want you to be honest with me.”

Nico snorted and shook his head. “Well, I don’t think it’d be very helpful if half the time you ask who someone is I have to answer it’s someone I messed around with.” Will arched an eyebrow and glared at Nico. Nico’s eyes widened and his cheeks flared. He cleared his throat and pulled his hands away. “Forget I said that.” Will rolled his eyes and returned to scrolling through his phone.

A few moments later, Nico scooted his chair over to Will and nudged him. He looked up to see him biting his lip nervously. “Did I fuck up?” he whispered, his eyes wide and anxious.

Will stared at him and slowly a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “No. So long as you’re not messing with anyone else while we’re dating, and so long as you’re not messing with me.”

“I promise I’m not. I might not know how to be a good boyfriend, but I do have common sense.”

Will laughed and over to kiss him lightly on the lips. “You’re a good boyfriend. Relax.”

“Hey guys,” Leo said, coming up behind them. He patted Will’s shoulder and looked over at Nico. “Hey, ready to go?”

“Yeah!” Nico kissed Will’s cheek and stood up.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Working on the song,” Nico said. “We perform it tomorrow.”

“And I can’t go with?”

“No!” he said. Will was about to protest when Nico leaned forward and kissed him, his hands on either side of his face. “Baby, you are the light of my life, okay? But I need you to stay away from us for the next two hours.”

“That’s… that’s both a compliment and an insult,” Will muttered, still trying to gather his thoughts after hearing Nico call him “baby.”

Nico smiled and kissed him again. “I know. I’m sorry. But it’s a surprise, and I don’t want you hearing the song until we perform.” Will hummed and nodded in defeat. Nico smiled and kissed him again.

“Jesus, you two, come on,” Leo groaned. “Honestly, it’s hard to believe you were avoiding each other at one point.” He gripped Nico’s arm and hauled him away. “See you later, dude.” Will waved and watched them leave. Leo looked over at Nico and smirked. “You’re blushing.”

“Probably,” he admitted. He chuckled and pulled his jacket closer into himself. “I don’t know. I feel so good right now. And being with him makes me incredibly happy.”

“Yeah, I’ve noted from your song,” Leo smiled. “You’re sure about tomorrow? I know you’re really open about your relationship, and although the school isn’t too big…. You’re bound to come across someone who isn’t cool with it.”

Nico shrugged. “Probably. I’ve dealt with that before. That doesn’t change anything though. They can’t force us apart.” He sighed and pulled out a cigarette to smoke before getting to the dorms. “I can’t smoke when I’m with Will,” he explained when he saw Leo’s inquisitive expression. “Lucas spoke to him.” Leo’s jaw fell open. “Something about how I don’t date and I take what I want and disappear.”

“He’s not wrong, Nico.”

Nico rolled his eyes. “I know. But that was with him. It’s not like that with Will. I need him to know that.” He frowned and watched the smoke drift away. “I’m actually scared to lose him, Leo. I don’t want to fuck up.”

Leo put a hand on his shoulder. “I know. I can tell by the way you are with him. By the way you talk about him. People change, Nico. And you’ve changed for him. He’ll see that if he doesn’t already. And maybe this song will help.” Nico nodded and put the cigarette to his lips again.

This happiness he felt was temporary and he knew it. It had happened before. When he got his acceptance letter, when he turned eighteen, when he got his license, his car. He had periods of joy and excitement any time something good happened to him. But they always faded and he fell right back into the rut of anger and melancholy and exhaustion. He was afraid that when he fell back to that, because it was inevitable, even if Will was still around to hold his hand or kiss him or smile at him, then Will would feel it was because he wasn’t enough.

He was enough. He was more than enough. Nico had never experienced a high period this long before. Maybe his low was close, but he’d been up for a longer amount of time than any of his previous highs. And it was because of Will. Because he made him happy and excited and it was new. Because Nico was always trying to be sure Will knew he was good enough.

For a while, Will had watched out for Nico’s mental instability. Now Nico was watching after Will’s self-esteem. He only hoped he could continue doing so on days that he barely had enough energy to sustain himself.

For the next few hours, Nico and Leo went over the song, singing it over and over, tweaking chords and beats. Half the time they were procrastinating, making jokes, laughing and completely off topic. But they were confident about the song. “Thank you for this,” Nico said as they walked to the café again. “You’re a good friend.”

Leo chuckled and raised an eyebrow at him. “Dude. Who are you and what have you done with Nico?” Nico rolled his eyes and put out the cigarette he lit when he left the dorm.

It wasn’t surprising that Will was still there, earphones in, a textbook open. He had flash cards off to one side and a pen behind his ear as he looked between his textbook and laptop. “Do you ever give yourself a break?” Nico questioned, sliding into the seat beside him.

He leaned over to kiss him, but Will cringed and blocked his face. “Uh-uh. You reek of cigarettes.” Nico groaned while Leo laughed at him. “You’re supposed to be quitting.”

“I am,” he insisted. “I’ve gone from smoking a pack a day to half a pack a day,” he said. “You should be proud of me. And reward me with kisses.” He leaned forward again, but Will put his hand against Nico’s puckered lips.

He was smirking, his blue eyes mischievous. “Not when you smell like nicotine and burning paper.” Nico frowned and grabbed his notecards instead. “How was your music session?”

“Pretty cool,” Leo said. “It’s going to be pretty great tomorrow I think. We need to spread the word. Get a lot of people here.” Will nodded appreciatively. “You get front row seats,” Leo added.

“I sure hope so, considering all the build up,” he said, nudging Nico playfully. Nico smiled and stood to buy a pack of gum.

“What?” he questioned as he popped one into his mouth. “If you won’t kiss me until the cigarette smell is gone, then I’m going to try and get rid of the smell.” Will rolled his eyes and returned to his textbook. “What’s this for by the way?”

“Anatomy. It’s really tedious. I have to recognize muscles which is hard because they all the same piece of pink meat to me.” Nico grimaced at the description. “If I study the stuff as we’re learning, maybe I won’t have to cram so much for the final.”

“Speaking of finals,” Leo said. “Could you help me in the French one? I’m losing my shit in there.” Will chuckled and nodded. “Okay, I’m going to go find food. I’ll see you guys later!” he stood and left while Nico looked after him, chewing carefully.

Will continued to look at his cards and textbook, his eyebrows coming together as he thought. Nico could almost see the gears turning in his head. He had a habit of chewing his pencil and biting his lip when he was deep in thought. His blue eyes skimmed the pages and the screen quickly.

Nico could take the time to count his freckles. He was on the 22nd freckle on Will’s left cheek when Will finally glanced at him. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Can’t I stare at my boyfriend?” Nico pointed out. Will blushed and covered his eyes. “You need a break. Come on, let’s go get something to eat.” He helped him put away his things and took his computer bag from him as they walked to his car.

Immediately Will’s hand slipped into Nico’s and Nico couldn’t help the smile that began spreading on his face. They bought some Chinese takeout and took it back to Nico’s room to eat. They were sitting cross legged on the bed, watching Friends on Netflix.

What Nico loved most about being with Will is that it wasn’t exhausting. It didn’t tire him to be around him because Will didn’t push him to interact more than he wanted. Nico didn’t feel pressured to fill the silences. He didn’t feel like he had to keep talking or smiling. Being with Will was relaxing and calm.

After eating, Nico sat beside Will, leaning his head over his chest. Will wrapped an arm around him and brought him in closer, his hand lazily sliding up and down his arm. Nico hadn’t been in this position before. It was such an intimate embrace, and yet it wasn’t sexual. He nervously placed his arm around Will’s torso and chuckled.

“So this is what cuddling is like,” he murmured. He glanced up at Will and smiled.

A soft, gentle smile spread on Will’s lips. He pulled Nico’s chin toward him and kissed him gently. Nico couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He’d been waiting for Will to finally kiss him again. “It’s nice,” Will murmured.

Nico propped himself up on his elbow and bit his lip. “Does it really bother you that much that I smoke?” he asked.

Will blinked in surprise and furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, it _is_ bad for you. And I don’t like the smell. But it’s your choice, right?” Nico hummed. “Just know I’m not kissing you when you smell like nicotine.”

“That should be enough motivation to quit then,” Nico smirked, leaning up to kiss him again.

He just couldn’t get tired of it. He couldn’t stop kissing him, he couldn’t stop feeling exhilarated at the feeling of his soft lips, at the small smile that tugged at his lips when he wouldn’t stop kissing him over and over, at the gentle way his hand rested against his face or pulled him in by the nape of his neck. He couldn’t stop appreciating the fact that this wonderful, beautiful, incredible person… was his.

“What the hell have you done to me?” he murmured against Will’s lips.

***

The next day, Will dragged him to the café about half an hour before the performing would actually begin. “I like being early to places,” he muttered. “Besides, I’m supposed to get a front row seat and the last time this happened, the place was insanely full.”

Nico laughed and tugged on a strand of blond hair that had fallen in front of his face. “I would’ve gotten you a front row seat even if there was no space left.” Will rolled his eyes and sat down, pulling Nico to sit beside him.

He leaned into him, and when Nico didn’t move, he tugged on his arm. “Hug me back,” he complained.

“Oh, sorry,” Nico answered, wrapping his arms around him. He planted a kiss on his temple and pushed his hair back. “You’re so needy.”

“I have a boyfriend now, I get to be needy.” Nico chuckled and took his hand, humming softly under his breath. “Are you nervous?” Will asked.

“Nah. Maybe just a little. But that’s just because you’ll be listening.”

Will turned his head toward him and frowned. “So you don’t usually get nervous?” Nico shook his head. “How?”

Nico shrugged. “I never really gave a shit what other people thought. Just by playing my guitar I was more skilled than half of them. I knew they wouldn’t pay attention to the songs, they just pay attention to Leo. So I never really had anything to be nervous about.” His eyes skimmed over the features of Will’s face. “Now I give a shit what you think. Now I want to make you happy and impress you and I know you’re watching me and listening. And it makes me a little nervous.”

Will had turned red and his freckles began disappearing under his blush. More people started arriving in groups, taking up seats, putting tables together, making space for people who had to stand. The steamer kept going off at the bar, orders kept getting called out. The chatter grew obnoxiously loud and people were signing up to perform.

Leo arrived and asked if Nico had signed them in yet. When he shook his head no, he sighed in exasperation and wrote them into a slot before it was filled. He came back and began unloading pieces of what Will realized was an electric drum set. “You have electric drums?”

Leo laughed as he assembled it. “I wish I could have my actual set here, but sadly, it’s too big and too much of a hassle for a single performance.” He fiddled with his set, testing it to be sure it worked. Then he set it up at the far back of the small platform serving as a stage.

When he got back, Nico stood to set his guitar up. Will glanced around the café and whistled. “There’s a lot more people here now. Did you actually promote it?”

“Social media and word of mouth are very effective,” Leo smirked. “Besides, the ladies love a drummer.” Will laughed and watched as Nico set his guitar up. His expression was much like the one he had the first time he’d seen him- complacent, brooding, stoic. His brows were furrowed, his eyes focused, his body relaxed, not caring about the loud chatter of the crowd.

A few moments later, Nico returned to sit beside Will, smiling the second he looked at him. He sat and they talked to Leo, becoming part of the noise until someone went up to the mic. “Holy shit,” the guy laughed. “Okay, so- shit, this is the biggest crowd we’ve had all semester guys!” A cheer rose in the café, deafening since it was such a small place. “We’re way over capacity, so, if we could just keep a path to the counter clear and all exits unobstructed that’d be great. We may prop a door open, so it’ll get a little cooler in here. Thank God for windowed walls, right?” The people outside laughed and waved. “Alright let’s get started.”

People began going up, performing love songs on ukuleles, singing covers of songs, reading a piece of poetry. One was so hilariously crude, Will couldn’t stop laughing. Leo and Nico were losing it on either side of him, but Nico’s laugh was what entranced Will.

More people performed, more people arrived to watch. Then finally Nico and Leo were called. Nico leaned over and kissed Will’s cheek. Will actually felt nervous _for_ Nico. It was frustrating and confusing.

Then, instead of Leo taking the mic, it was Nico. “Uh, hey everyone. I know I’m not usually the one singing, but… this is a special song.” He glanced over at Leo and smirked. “And Leo doesn’t want to give you lovely ladies the wrong idea.”

Leo stared at him and spread his arms, a drumstick in each hand. “Bro. Thanks.” Nico winked and chuckled, returning his attention to the crowd.

Behind him, Will heard someone whisper, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that dude smile before.”

“I know he always looks pissed,” someone answered.

“Okay. Here we go.” The electric guitar echoed through the café, Leo’s drums created a beat, and Will watched with anticipation, leaning forward and resting against his interlocked hands.

The song started and Nico’s raspy, low voice filled the café. Will could sense the change in the crowd. The awe. The fascination. But then he was pulled in by the lyrics.

The lyrics were words mocking darkness, shouting in victory at how much better he felt, how much lighter. Then his eyes fell to Will and suddenly Will couldn’t breathe. He was smiling, singing to him, thanking him, molding him into a symbol of hope and light.

Then suddenly the instruments stopped and Nico had his hand on the mic, speaking quickly into it. Will’s jaw fell open as he realized he’d written a rap into his song. It was teasing, playful, affectionate, and Will couldn’t help but smile and cover his face with his hands as he looked at him.

The last few lines were the fastest of them all and then the guitar came back, a single note vibrating as Nico tilted the neck. When the drums began again, the crowd cheered and hooted in response to the rap. But Nico’s eyes were on Will. He winked and when the cheers had settled a bit, he continued to sing, filling Will with joy so immense he could hardly believe it.

Leo ended the song with a final defiant drum solo. Whistles and applause and cheers filled the café. Nico removed his guitar and gave it to Leo, hopping off the platform. The second he was on the ground, Will was pulling him into a kiss.

The girls that had been sitting behind him gasped and exclaimed, “Wait, he’s gay!” Someone aww’d. Someone said, “Oh shit.” A lot of people said a lot of things.

But Will was only aware of the kiss. He pulled away and smiled at him. “I’m glad you liked it,” he whispered. Will laughed and hugged him tightly.

“Don’t worry about me, guys, just putting everything away, it’s cool.” Nico rolled his eyes and laughed, pulling away to help him. When they’d packed up and the next person went up, they returned to Will. “We should drop out of college and just start touring, dude. I’ve never heard a crowd cheer that much.”

“Well, you’re a good promoter,” Nico noted. He looked at Will and bit his lip. “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Where are you going?” Will whispered, so he wouldn’t interrupt the performance.

Nico hesitated and looked away guiltily. “Just right outside. I’ll be back quick.” Will frowned and Nico kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry. It’s just a habit that I smoke a cigarette after performing.” He nodded and kissed his cheek lightly. He left and Will watched him go outside, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his jacket.

He turned to talk to Leo but saw him talking to a girl. “You’re not gay are you?” she asked.

“Uh-uh, totally straight and totally single.”

“Good. I love drummers.” Leo laughed nervously and glanced back at Will. He gave him a thumbs up and Leo whisked the girl away to talk without disrupting performances.

Will glanced back at the windows and saw Nico smoking near the same pillar he’d been the first time Will talked to him. The memory tugged at his chest and he stood, walking toward the door. He stepped closer to Nico. He wasn’t the only one outside this time. But his posture was the same. His expression the same.

Will bit his lip and shivered in the cold. “Hey,” he said.

Nico looked at him and his eyes widened. “Hey. What are you doing out here, it’s cold.” He pulled Will closer and wrapped the arm that wasn’t holding a cigarette around him. Nico looked up at him worriedly, but Will only smiled. “What?”

“The first time we talked, we were right here. And you were smoking against the pillar just like that.” Nico smiled and looked down. “You rapped,” Will noted.

“Yeah. That took a lot of practice,” he answered. He put the cigarette to his lips and kept the smoke in his mouth as he looked up at Will, shivering in the cold. Then the smoke swirled out of his nose and through his teeth. Despite the fact that it was unhealthy, and that he didn’t like the smell, Will couldn’t help the stutter of his heartbeat at the sight. There was something exotic about it. About the look in his eyes. “I want to sing it again to you. More personal.”

“Okay,” Will answered with a smile. He leaned against the wall beside him, and Nico was careful about blowing out his smoke.

Then a blond girl with a beanie and gray eyes, hand in hand with a dark, tousled-haired boy with green eyes walked up to them. Will felt Nico tense beside him, his arm fell away, instead finding Will’s hand and gripping it tight. Will kept his gaze down, not wanting to look at the teenaged guy who resembled a Greek god.

“Hey, Nico,” Annabeth greeted.

“Hey,” he answered. Will glanced at him and saw the defensiveness in his eyes. The unease. “What’s up?”

“We heard your song,” Annabeth said.

“It’s the first time you actually sing one. You have a good voice, dude,” Percy said. Will bit his lip. He had a nice voice. He didn’t want to look at him, but he couldn’t help it. He glanced up and saw the green eyes looking back at him.

“Thanks,” Nico answered. “Like I said, it was a special song.”

“Yeah, we can see that,” Annabeth said with a smile. She looked over at Will too and Will tried to stand up a little straighter. “Listen, Nico… about the last time I talked to you-” Nico groaned and took an extra deep breath from his cigarette. “I’m sorry,” she said, ignoring him. “I overreacted. You’re my friend. You’d never-”

“So this is my boyfriend, Will Solace,” Nico interrupted, smoke seeping from his lips as he spoke. “Will, Annabeth- Percy.”

“The famous on-again, off-again couple,” Will murmured. Nico choked and turned away to hide his laughter. Annabeth and Percy glanced at each other and remained speechless. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you too. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Annabeth said, composing herself. She looked at Nico again and sighed. “I just wanted to apologize. And congratulate you. And tell you what a good job you did.”

Nico scoffed and offered a small smile. “Thank you, Annabeth.” She smiled and nodded, walking away a few steps. But Percy hesitated. “Yes?” Nico sighed.

Percy furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Will and then Nico. “I just…. I really am sorry about my behavior that night. And… I just want to be sure that we’re cool.”

Will kept his eyes on Nico. The cigarette was at his lips again, his eyes focused on Percy as he studied him. His eyes seemed to dart between Percy’s, and it made Will nervous. Nico’s lips slowly stretched into a cocky smirk and he flung his cigarette to the ground. He pushed away from the pillar, closer to Percy, the smoke dissipating in the cold. Will realized his hand wasn’t intertwined with his own anymore.

Then, the smirk unfaltering, his eyes completely focused, he said, “We’re fine. I told you it hasn’t been about you in a long time…. And I meant it.” Percy clenched his jaw and nodded. “Come on, Will,” Nico said, taking his hand and pulling him away. Will walked beside him and glanced back to see Percy taking Annabeth’s hand as they walked the other way. “I’m sorry about that,” he told him.

“It’s okay,” Will answered. He tried not to let Percy’s appearance stay in his brain, tried not to compare himself. He waited for Nico to get his guitar and amp from inside and walked with him to take it up to his dorm. Once they were there, Will tried to speak. “What was up with what you told Percy?”

“What?” Nico questioned. Will hesitated and Nico stood in front of him, studying him in a much gentler way than he had Percy. “What is it?” he asked.

“Well… the way you looked at him. And the smile. Then you said it hadn’t been about him for a long time.” He shrugged. “I’m just asking what you meant.”

Nico hummed and took his hands. “Percy apologizes because he feels guilty. He feels like he hurt my feelings or some stupid shit. And he doesn’t realize that I really didn’t care. I wasn’t hurt, I didn’t get my hopes up only to have them crushed, I didn’t feel used, I felt…. Nothing. The only thing that bothered me was that it became a problem between us.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “But the magnificent Percy assumes it’s always about him. I stopped pining after him a long time ago. And I just made sure he got it through his head.”

He said it with heavy sarcasm, but Will heard a small truth behind the words. Percy was the guy several people wanted to be or be with. And knowing that Nico had liked him at one point did tug at his self-esteem. They were so different in appearances. How could Nico have changed his tastes so suddenly?

“Hey,” Nico murmured, pulling Will’s face to look at him. “Don’t worry. I can see it in your eyes. Relax.” Will shrugged, and looked away. “Come on. Let me sing you your song. Acoustic version.”

Will raised an eyebrow. Nico grabbed a ukulele from between his bed and desk and began strumming it gently. He gestured for Will to get on his bed while he fiddled with it. Then he began to play, singing softly, slower than he had earlier. His eyes on Will, his cheeks flushed, swaying from foot to foot.

Will couldn’t help but smile. He couldn’t help his increase in heartrate. Not with those dark ebony eyes so intent on him, so filled with vulnerable affection it left Will dumbfounded.

Instead of rapping, he sang through the verse, making the entire song change from an upbeat alternative rock love song to a gentle, sweet love ballad. As the song ended, he got closer and closer to Will.

Will smiled and pulled him into a kiss, surprising Nico. “I thought you weren’t going to kiss me after smoking?” he questioned teasingly.

“This is an exception. Don’t let it go to your head.” Nico chuckled and put the ukulele under his bed. He leaned in to kiss Will again, and the sensation of his tongue slipping into his mouth made Will feel weak. Nico climbed onto the bed, his legs bent on either side of Will.

Will’s breaths hollowed and he felt warmth flood his face as Nico pulled him in closer. “When you say you’ve been kissed,” he whispered against his lips. “What exactly did you mean?”

Will bit his lip and looked at him. “Meaning I’ve been kissed. That’s all.” Nico tilted his head, his eyes skimming over Will. “What?”

“Nothing,” he answered. He kissed him again, this time leaning against him so he laid down. Will laid back properly on the bed, thinking back to the first time Nico kissed him. The neck kisses, the biting. It had been the only time he’d been in that situation, and Nico hadn’t done that since.

His hands slid down Will’s arms, wrapping around his wrists to pin them up on either side of his head. Then Nico’s lips trailed up his jaw, his teeth bit gently on his earlobe, causing Will to let out a shuddering breath. He left soft kisses along the side of his neck, making Will hum contentedly. Then Will felt his tongue licking the skin, his teeth bit down.

Will shut his eyes and sighed, biting his lip. Nico’s hands pulled away from his wrists sliding down his sides and under his shirt. Will whimpered and opened his eyes in a panic. “Nico,” he protested, grabbing his arms. Nico looked at him in confusion. “I… I don’t want to do… that. Yet.”

The confusion melted away into an endearing smile. He leaned down to kiss his lips softly. “I wasn’t going to,” he assured. “I promise. I just want to kiss you and make you feel good,” he murmured. “Do you trust me?” He nodded and Nico placed his hands on either side of his head again.

Again, his hands slid under his shirt, calloused, roaming his stomach and his chest. Meanwhile, he was sucking the sensitive skin at the side of his neck, making him whimper and moan and fidget. He bit his lip to keep quiet, but it became harder when Nico shifted to kiss his stomach. His tongue swirled against his skin, causing Will to arch his back, yearning for more but afraid of it. His teeth grazed his skin and he bit gently, coating the bites in apologetic kisses.

The need was becoming too much. Finally, Nico returned to his lips, kissing him softly, slowly, calming Will down, so he was left breathing shallowly. “You are absolutely perfect, Will,” he murmured as he settled down to rest against his chest.

Will gulped and wrapped his arms around him, pulling one of his hands up to his lips. His fingers smelled like cigarette smoke. He would never admit it to Nico, but as he brushed his lips over the calloused fingers, the smell was beginning to become comforting and familiar for him.


	10. Chapter 10

The second he woke up, a ball of dread formed in his stomach. Will was still asleep beside him, his arm under Nico. He could feel the heaviness of his own limbs, the desire to make time stop so he could keep sleeping. Slowly, he scooted closer to Will, resting his head against his chest, distracting himself with the slow and steady heartbeat.

Will shifted, and Nico went still. Then his arms wrapped around Nico and pulled him in closer, leaving Nico to sigh contentedly. He just wanted to stay there, wrapped in his arms for the rest of the day.

Almost as if the universe had read his mind, Will’s blaring alarm went off on his phone. He sat up with a gasp, leaving Nico to groan and cover his ears. “Why did you choose that alarm?” he hissed.

Will shut it off and yawned. “Because it makes me wake up,” he answered, his voice raspy and soft. Nico adored the sound. “I have to go get ready for class. I’ll see you later okay?” Nico nodded, and Will leaned down to kiss him lightly on his cheek.

When he left, the silence seemed to envelope him completely. _No, please no,_ he begged silently to whatever higher power might hear him. _I was doing so well. Please._ But it amounted to nothing.

He still waited for the last minute to get up and get to class, and he still found himself drifting in and out of focus. He still found himself staring blankly at his desk or at the board. He responded mechanically when anyone went up to him and complimented him on his song the day before.

It angered him. He knew it had been coming. There was no way that level of happiness would have lasted much longer. But even if he couldn’t stay that happy, why did it mean he had to fall so hard into an empty state again?

After class, Nico made his way over to the café, walking slowly so he could smoke a cigarette and calm himself down. He stood outside by the tables, trying to muster up enough energy to smile and not worry Will.

He looked up when he saw Will walking over to the café, talking to someone. Nico furrowed his eyebrows and watched as Will handed his phone over and spoke, the words indecipherable from this distance. Then the guy gave the phone back and waved as he turned away. Will went inside and Nico tried not to jump right to conclusions and assumptions.

He put out his cigarette and went into the café, scanning for Will. He was at the counter, smiling the second he saw Nico. “Hey,” he greeted as Nico walked up to him. He leaned in to kiss his cheek and scrunched his nose. “You were smoking.”

“Yeah, sorry, I should’ve warned you.” Will hummed and returned to his homework. “Uh, hey who was that guy you were with?”

“What guy?” he questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

Nico rolled his eyes and kept himself calm. “The dude with the ponytail. And the bandana on his head.”

“Oh, Paolo,” Will realized. “He’s in my anatomy class. We have a project to do and we paired together.” Nico nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. It meant nothing. They’d only been dating about a week; Nico couldn’t start getting jealous this quickly. “Hey, you okay?” Will asked.

Nico blinked and smiled at him. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just a little tired.” He shrugged and started folding a piece of loose-leaf paper Will had tossed aside. Will hummed, but didn’t press. Nico let his eyes wander, feeling exhausted just by watching the people interact around him. The good thing about Will’s studying is that he focused completely and didn’t expect Nico to make conversation.

Part of Nico wanted to run for cover in his room. He wanted to crawl into bed and shut everything out. He didn’t have the stamina today. The other part of him wanted to stay with Will because his presence wasn’t exhausting and he wasn’t expected to talk and being able to touch him if only lightly on the arm gave Nico reassurance.

He stayed close to Will, glancing at people and watching them come and go. He wondered how all of them were able to maintain their group of friends every day and smile every day and laugh and talk, come and go, happily every single fucking day. It was too tiring to Nico. He could barely manage to maintain one conversation a day with Leo.

Almost as if thinking of him had invoked him, Leo came around the table grinning so wide he looked like he’d slept with a hanger in his mouth. “You guys, yesterday’s gig was the jackpot for me!” he exclaimed.

Nico didn’t bite, so Will did. “What happened?”

“After the performance, this girl started talking to me. And when I went to my dorm, another girl wanted to talk to me. And all day today, there have been girls winking and smiling at me.” He clasped his hands together, his entire body tense with energy that could’ve fueled Nico for two more weeks. “This is fucking incredible.”

Nico kept his eyes on him, showing he was listening, but he didn’t speak. So instead, Will spoke again. “So have you had the guts to ask one of them out yet?”

“No,” he frowned. “I don’t know…. Nico, I was actually hoping for your help on this.” Nico’s eyebrow twitched enough to be inquisitive, and Leo continued. “You have always been really good at flirting and you know getting what you want.” Will shifted slightly and Nico clenched his jaw. “I don’t mean that in a bad way, and I mean, obviously it’s different now. But I sort of need you to… I don’t know train me? I’ve never had this many girls pay attention to me before.”

“Have you ever had any girls pay attention to you before?” Nico bit back before realizing what he’d said. He gulped and looked away from him.

Will seemed just as taken aback as Leo. “Nico?” he questioned.

“Whoa, hey, I didn’t mean to piss you off, dude,” Leo amended. “Honest.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I just… I’ll be back.” He stood without looking at either of them, his hands shaking as they searched for his cigarettes.

He hadn’t meant to snap at Leo. But his own lack of energy along with Leo’s excessive energy, and the tension of the reminder of how shitty Nico could be, _and_ the fact that he just assumed Nico would “train” him had pushed buttons Nico didn’t even know he had. He felt drained with the single interaction, and even the cigarette he’d lit with shaking hands, immediately numb from the cold, wasn’t helping.

A few moments later, Will stepped out, shivering immediately. He hurried to Nico who was quick to point his cigarette away. The apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose had turned red in the cold and his lips were shivering so badly, Nico wanted to kiss him to keep them warm.

His eyes were soft and paler than usual, maybe because of the clouded, gray weather of the day. They focused on Nico expectantly. “You know, I don’t really know what to make of the fact that you’d rather be out here in the cold with a cigarette instead of inside the warm café with your boyfriend,” he said softly. He wasn’t scolding. He wasn’t upset that Nico was smoking. He was subtle, but Nico knew he was trying to figure out if he was okay and what was wrong.

“What are you doing out here? You hate the cold.”

“Then keep me warm,” he said stepping closer, pushing his hand into Nico’s jacket. He looked down at him and smiled. “That’s better.”

“I smell like smoke, don’t I?” Nico questioned, putting one hand against his cheek. Will shrugged. “I just need to calm my nerves. I’m okay.” Will frowned, and pressed his lips against Nico’s cheeks. Nico wrapped his free hand around him, and flicked the ash off his cigarette with the other, keeping it far from Will. “Go back inside,” he whispered.

“Why’d you snap at Leo?” he asked softly, his breath warm against his cheek, the movement of his lips light as feathers against his skin. “Hmm?”

“I’m just tired today. Leo’s a bit too energetic for me.” He held him tighter and sighed. “I think I should go back to my dorm before I snap at anyone else who tries to talk to me.”

“Does that include me?” Nico scoffed and leaned his chin on Will’s shoulder. “Do you want me to go with you? Or should I leave you alone for a while?”

Nico bit lip and hummed thoughtfully. “I think I’ll take a nap. But could you stop by later so I don’t spend all day in bed?”

“Yeah,” he answered. He kissed his cheek and looked at him understandingly. “I’ll stop by after a few hours or so. Yeah?” Nico nodded. “Sleep well. Let me know if you need me before then.”

“Get back inside, you’re starting to turn blue,” Nico said softly, smiling at him in awe. Will rolled his eyes and pulled away, his finger lingering against Nico’s arm for a second before he turned to go back inside the café.

Nico sighed and started for his dorm, returning to his neglected cigarette until he was about to go inside. He kicked off his shoes as he got into his room and crawled into bed, bringing the covers up over his head and falling asleep almost immediately.

He didn’t wake up until he heard a knock at his door. He felt groggy and frustrated, but he managed to roll off the bed and go to the door. He checked the peephole and felt relieved to see Will. He opened the door mid yawn and waved tiredly. Will saw him and chuckled, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. The gesture was so sweet, so sudden, so comfortable, Nico gasped softly and felt a blush creep into his cheeks.

“Look at your hair,” he said teasingly. “Talk about a bedhead.” Nico groaned and pulled Will into the room, wrapping his arms around him sleepily. “Still sleepy?” Will asked softly. Nico nodded and inhaled the scent on Will’s jacket.

He smelled like coffee from the time in the café. But he also had a soft, sweet scent that seemed to be part of him. It was comforting and warm and Nico wished he knew what it was.

“Nico?” Will murmured, walking with his arms around Nico. Nico grunted in response. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing,” he assured. “I’m okay.” Will hummed and held him tighter. “I missed you,” he whispered, feeling his stomach tighten with nervousness like it did anytime he was more emotional or affectionate than he was before Will.

Will smiled as he pulled away and leaned in to kiss him. “I missed you too.”

“Did you get a lot of studying done?” he asked as he climbed back onto his bed and leaned against the wall.

“Yeah. Paolo met up with me at the café and we started our final project.” Nico bit his lip and hummed. “Want me to tell you about the project?” Nico nodded and gestured for Will to sit beside him. Will did and he leaned against Nico and began talking.

He spoke about a professor Nico didn’t know, mentioned bones and muscles and other words Nico had no idea even existed. He talked about the project and how complicated it was and a final exam that was coming up in addition to it. His voice was soft, and it didn’t wear Nico out as he listened.

Having him there, beside him, talking softly without needing Nico to do the same felt comforting. Even if Nico’s mind was tired, he could listen to Will’s voice talking about things Nico didn’t quite understand. Eventually, Will ran out of distractions and instead sat there beside him, making patterns on Nico’s hand.

“Can I ask you something?” Nico murmured. Will nodded.  “Remember how you said that no one can ever be happy all the time? That there’s no one who’s never not had a bad day?” Will nodded. “So does that mean you’ve had really bad days?”

“Of course,” he answered. “I think everyone has at some point.”

Nico furrowed his eyebrows and faced him. “What were your bad days like? How bad could they get? How did you get over it or what’d you to feel better?”

For a second, Will didn’t answer. His eyes became a little distant as he thought, his brows furrowing. He looked at Nico, his eyes solemn, his cheeks pink, and pulled away. Nico frowned and looked at him questioningly as he pushed up his sleeve. “I’m not sure if you can see, but….”

An uncomfortable, cold feeling settled in Nico’s stomach as he gently took Will’s arm. They were very faint, but he could discern the thin, light, crisscrossed lines along his arm. His lips parted in surprise and he looked back up at Will, unable to believe that those scars belonged to this boy who was always so optimistic and happy. “Will….” He sighed and nodded, his eyes on the covers. “What… why?”

Will pulled his sleeve down, covering the scars that Nico never would’ve seen if he hadn’t been told to look. “Like I said, middle school was… hard. The way they talked about me… like I wasn’t worth a second look, like I was embarrassing, like….” He sighed and shook his head. “My bad days got really bad. And I made sure my parents wouldn’t notice because I didn’t want them to feel like it was their fault. I didn’t have anyone who offered to help. I didn’t have anyone who understood.” Nico stared at him, keeping his entire focus on him. “I never pitied you, Nico. I felt bad for you, yeah. Because I know what it’s like to reach those low points. And maybe mine was just an aftereffect of being indirectly bullied, and low self-esteem, and yours is depression which is different. But I mean… I understand.”

Nico tore his eyes away and took his hand, gently pushing the sleeve back up. They looked so faded, so light. “When did you stop?” he asked.

“When my sister was born,” he answered. “High school wasn’t as bad as middle school. I’ve still always worried about what people thought of me. I’m still worried about making a fool of myself. But it’s not like it was when I was… you know a little kid, going through puberty, dealing with jerks. Besides- I had my sister to worry about. I care more about what she thinks. And I didn’t want her to see me broken by other people at school.”

Nico furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re so much happier now. Aren’t you?”

Will nodded and smiled. “Like I said things got better. I guess I was lucky. Now my bad days usually just end up with me watching a movie and stuffing my face with food for the night so I can refuel and… try again the next day.” Nico felt a chill run through his body.

Seeing him there in front of him, knowing he’d been in a spot so similar to Nico’s at some point, he felt lucky. Lucky that Will got better and that he got to meet him and that he was there for Nico to touch. He pushed himself up onto his knees and leaned forward to press his lips against Will’s.

The kiss was filled with fervor, need, desire. Nico slid his hands into his hair, clenching the soft golden waves, pulling him closer. Will gasped against his lips, his hands gripped Nico’s sides, and surprised moans vibrated in his throat. He slid his hands up to Nico’s face to stop him for a second and pull back. Breathing heavily, he chuckled and looked at Nico with hazy, unfocused eyes. “Who’s pitying who now?” he chided teasingly.

Nico scoffed and smiled, his lips trembling as much as his breaths. “No, I’m not. I just… feel so lucky to have met you.” He leaned his forehead against Will’s. “You… you’re an incredible person, Will. You’re wonderful and amazing, and you’re worth it. Your worth every second I look at you and more. You’re-”

Will pulled him into a kiss, his hands warm and soft against his face. “You’re a dork,” he whispered.

He looked into his blue eyes, bright and sparkling, and felt both panic and peace at once. Because he felt safe in Will’s embrace, he felt like he could finally trust someone. But the last thing he wanted was to be vulnerable to someone. The last thing he wanted was to put his heart and emotions in someone else’s hands. He didn’t want to risk that. No matter how much he trusted Will.

***

For the next few days, Nico was the same. Quiet, distant, leaving to go to sleep until Will deemed it a reasonable time to check on him. Then he’d listen to Will ramble about something senseless until he ran out of things to ramble. Sometimes Will stayed with him, sometimes he returned to his own dorm.

But Nico never told Will what was wrong, and any time Will asked, he’d shrug it off.

“Hey, why the worried face?” a deep, accented voice said, pulling him from his thoughts. “You okay?”

Will blinked and nodded. “Yeah sorry. Just lost in thought.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he suggested.

“It’s not really a discussion topic,” he said awkwardly. “I’m just worried about Nico.” Paolo nodded sympathetically, looking at him expectantly, waiting for explanation. “It’s okay, really. Let’s go to the library to find the other books for this project.”

He gathered his things and walked with Paolo to the library while they talked about a show that had blown up online. When they got to the library, they set their things down and Will immediately began spreading out his textbooks and a few of the books he’d shelved in a certain spot for this specific project.

Paolo fought back a smile and Will tried not be too self-conscious about his own organized manner of getting work done. So he was a nerd when it came to this, who cared?

The two of them poured over the books for hours, jotting down notes to be as precise as possible. “Doesn’t it feel a little condescending that we have to make a Play-Doh model of parts of the human anatomy?” Paolo muttered as he sketched out the placement of specific organs, muscles, and bones.

Wil snorted and rubbed his neck. “It’s an intro class. We should be happy our assignment is that basic. Even if it’s supposed to be as precise a possible.” He began chewing on his pencil when he noted the time on his computer. “Oh crap. I should go see Nico. We can meet up again next week and actually get to work on sculpting. Sound good?”

“Yeah definitely,” Paolo said. “I can get the clay. You’ve done most of the intellectual work and organizing.”

“Are you teasing me?” he frowned.

“No! No, I don’t mean to come off like that. I’m just used to being the one doing all the work, and it’s a nice change. So let me pitch in by buying the Play-Doh.” He smiled and held his hand out.

Will chuckled and nodded. “Deal.”

“Hope Nico’s okay,” he said as Will gathered his books. “See you in class.” Will nodded and started down the stairs to get to the door when he heard several people murmuring and rushing away from the door.

The expressions on their faces made him nervous. They were all looking at their phones, huddling in groups. A few moments later, he felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Paolo with the same expression. “We have to hide,” he said urgently.

“What’s happening?”

“Didn’t you get the text message?” he asked as he tugged Will behind a bookshelf where other students were sitting and huddling, confused and scared. The lights in the library went off and Will could hear the librarian telling students to get away from the windows and doors.

He pulled his phone out and cursed when it wouldn’t turn on. “It’s out of battery,” he hissed. “What is it?”

Paolo’s face was grim. “There’s an armed intruder on campus.” Will felt his stomach drop and he immediately hoped that Nico was safe in his dorm room, locked in, and hopefully sleeping.

“I need to find someone who knows Nico,” he whispered urgently. “I need to see if he’s okay.”

“Will!” Paolo hissed after him as Will started walking between the bookshelves looking for people. A few were familiar from parties, but didn’t have Nico’s number. None of Nico’s friends were in there. And he hadn’t memorized Nico’s number. The fact made him feel so stupid, he nearly broke down right in between the aisles. “Will!” Paolo said, finally getting close enough to Will to whisper and be heard. “Come on, you can’t keep moving around. Do you have his number?”

“I can’t remember it,” he said, his voice tight as it tried to remain steady.

“Okay, maybe I can find him on Facebook and message him,” he suggested. He pulled his phone out and Will began chewing on his thumb nail. “Fuck. I don’t get service in this building. And my wifi won’t connect.”

“It’s a library with dozens of computers, how can your phone not connect?”

“I have a shitty provider for data and I don’t know why the wifi won’t connect. Look.” He showed Will as he tried to connect and his phone refused. “Come on, I’m sure this will be over soon. Campus police are on the guy.” He pulled Will back behind the bookcase they were originally at and they sat down. Will curled into himself and squeezed his eyes shut.

In his mind, he thought of his mother and father, and Kayla, and Gramma. He thought of the last time he was with them and prayed he’d be able to see them again. He prayed he’d be safe and he prayed Nico would be okay and safe, and mostly that he wasn’t panicking or trying to text him.

An echo of thunder made all the students jump and gasp. Someone burst into tears, shaking and gasping. “There’s no fucking way there’s a storm starting right now,” Will hissed. Another message lit up the phones of several student and Will leaned over to read Paolo’s screen.

_Remain indoors and hidden. The armed suspect is highly dangerous. UPD is patrolling._

“No shit,” he muttered under his breath. He began chewing on his nail and ran a hand through his hair. “I really hope Nico is okay….”

“Isn’t he usually in his room while you study?” Paolo asked. Will nodded. “Then he’s safe.”

He leaned his head back against a shelf and looked around at the other students. He heard them whispering, crying softly, sending texts and getting chided for it by other students.

“Do you want the psycho to find us?” someone hissed. “I have to tell me mom where I am,” someone answered. “I have my brightness down,” someone else said. Someone else was crying so bad, they had to focus completely on staying quiet. A streak of lightning light the frightened faces and loud rumbling thunder shook the windows, causing everyone to huddle closer and try to control their panicked breaths.

***

Nico woke up, feeling slightly dazed, but much better. Rain was hitting his window loudly, a sound that was rather soothing to wake up to. He checked his phone for the time and frowned when he realized how late it was without Will stopping by the dorm. He unlocked it to send him a message and stopped when he saw the alert from the university.

His body tensed as he checked the messages and he went cold all over as he read them.

_Armed intruder on campus. All students enter a building and lock entrances._

_Remain indoors and hidden. The armed suspect is highly dangerous. UPD is patrolling._

_Intruder located near library. Remain calm. Police will begin evacuating other buildings._

His breaths came fast and panicked, and he sent Will a text asking where he was. He had no messages from him, and the fact made him panic. He started sending messages to his friends to see if anyone had seen him. Percy and Leo didn’t answer. Annabeth, Jason, and Piper responded that they hadn’t.

He began pacing, his limbs shaking, as he sent another message to Will. After a few seconds, he sent another. “Goddammit Will, answer,” he growled as he walked to the window. It was dark, and he could only see the siren lights of police cars.

He heard a series of gunshots and immediately stumbled away from the window. The sound was distant, like fireworks on New Years. But he knew they weren’t fireworks. In the dorm beside his he heard a shriek of terror and he crumpled to the floor, covering his ears.

Despite knowing how unlikely it was that Will was hurt, his mind leaped ahead. He felt like he’d lost Will. He feared leaving his room and being told Will had been in the line of fire. And he began to hyperventilate, unable to imagine life without that smile, without that laugh, without the quick-witted, sarcastic remarks. Will had to be okay. Nico couldn’t lose another person. He couldn’t lose someone he cared about again.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting pressed against the wall crying and unable to breathe when he heard doors getting opened. He looked at his phone and saw the final text.

_The intruder has been arrested. It’s safe to leave the buildings. There has been one reported fatality._

Nico nearly threw up on the spot, but instead, he yanked his shoes on and raced out of his room and out of the hall. The cold hair hit him hard, but he couldn’t bother to stop and think about it. Many other students were exiting the café, the dorm halls, the book store, and one of the dining halls. The crowds gathered, people were talking into phones, holding on to friends, talking, wondering about the fatality.

Nico ran to several groups, grabbing the first person he saw and asking, “Have you seen Will? Will Solace- he’s always at the café.” But no one seemed to have seen him. He was beginning to hyperventilate again, getting dizzy and panicked, when he heard his own name.

He looked up and saw Will’s wide worried eyes, his blond hair making its way through people as he raced for him. Nico didn’t even try to be polite, he shoved past people and ran until he had Will in his arms. “Are you okay?” Will asked.

“Am I okay? Are you? You didn’t answer me where the hell were you?” He pulled his face in for a kiss, desperate and afraid. “Where were you?” he cried, his voice breaking, his eyes wide on Will’s freckled face.

“I know, I’m sorry, my phone ran out of battery. No one had your number and there wasn’t service in the library-”

“You were in the library?” he croaked.

“The intruder didn’t go in. I guess they saw him near, and we heard the gunshots really close by.” He kissed him again and rubbed Nico’s bare arms. “God, look at you Nico, aren’t you cold? You’re shaking.”

“I was looking for you, I was so scared, I thought I lost you,” he moaned, refusing to stop cupping his face. “I thought I lost you,” he whimpered again.

“I know, darling, I’m so sorry, I’m here I’m safe. Come on let’s get you warm. We have to get somewhere warm.” Nico let Will lead him back to the dorms and it wasn’t until he was back in his room that he realized he’d been so cold his body was numb and shaking almost violently. “Come here,” Will said, pulling him in.

Nico basked in his warmth and scent. He was alive, he was okay, he was…. He was still here. “I can’t lose you,” Nico whispered. “You’re too important.”

“You’re not losing me,” Will assured. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He held him tightly and Nico focused on the quick beating of his heart to calm down. Nico’s phone began to ring and he pulled it out, surprised to see his father’s number on the screen.

“H-hello?” he questioned.

“Nico, are you okay? Are you safe?”

“I- yes. Yes, I’m okay, um… how did you…?”

“It’s on the news, Nico,” his father answered. There was a small pause and then, “You haven’t called. How are you doing? Do you know who… who was killed?”

“Nico,” Will whispered. “Can I use your laptop to video message my family?” Nico nodded and held up a finger, leaving the room.

“I’ve been fine, Papa.” He decided to leave out the many times he’d gotten drunk, the lack of motivation, the horrible fear he felt when he couldn’t contact Will. “And no, I don’t know.”

“Who was that? A friend?” Nico bit his lip and began stammering. “Nico?”

“It’s… yeah. A friend. Sort of. I… It’s hard to explain. Um. I’m okay, Papa. I got a little f-freaked out, but they caught the guy and… everyone else is okay as far as I know. I’m… I’m really tired so I’m… I’m going to go ahead and go to bed.”

“Are you coming home for the holidays?”

Nico sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sure, Papa. I can.”

“I love you, son. Be safe.” Nico’s lips parted in surprise and he gulped, trying not to let the knot in his throat be heard.

“Yeah. Me too. I will be. Goodnight.” He hung up and sighed, staring at the screen. Back home, his father had been tough, distant, bordering on verbally abusive. Nico had been dying to leave, to start over, to be on his own. Once college started though, his father seemed to change. He was far more caring, worrying about his wellbeing, trying to check up on him from time to time, gentle. It was strange for Nico, but he didn’t have the heart to be upset about it. Maybe it was true that distance made the heart grow fonder.

He went back inside and saw Will on his bed, talking to the computer. “-all just stayed behind shelves. There was a text that he was seen near the library, but he didn’t go in. It didn’t help that it was raining. It was horrible to see everyone crying and panicking.”

“Do you want to come home this weekend, sweetpea?” a soft voice with a slight twang asked.

“We can get you tickets to come home. Kayla really wants to see you.”

Will’s eyes flitted up to Nico, who hadn’t realized the amount of worry and terror that was on his face. “Um, no. No it’s okay. I have finals and projects. Break is coming up in about a few weeks anyway. It’s okay.”

“Who came in? Your roommate?”

“Uh no, I’m not in my dorm. I’m at my-” Nico began shaking his head quickly, and Will frowned. “Uh, my friend’s. His name is Nico.” He glanced up and raised an eyebrow. “Want to say hi?”

Nico bit his lip and shook his head. “They’re worried about you. Not me,” he said softly.

Will frowned and returned to the screen. “He’s camera shy.” Nico climbed onto the bed and listened as Will and his family spoke for a few more minutes until he began saying goodbye.

“I didn’t hear Kayla,” Nico noted when he shut the computer.

“It was past her bedtime,” Will answered. He put the computer aside and pressed his fingertips against Nico’s. “Is there a reason you didn’t want me telling my parents that you’re my boyfriend?” he asked softly.

Nico hesitated and looked at him nervously. He sighed and turned away, messing with the pattern of his bed covers. “I don’t know. I mean... we’ve only been dating for almost three weeks. Isn’t it… too soon? I mean… then I have to meet them.”

Will chuckled and shrugged. “Well yeah, you would after a few months maybe.”

Nico grimaced and shut his eyes. “People don’t usually like me, Will. Parents like me way less.” He opened his eyes and leaned over climbing into his lap, pulling him forward by his shirt. “Can we just appreciate the fact that we’re alive right now? I don’t want to think about the person that died, I don’t want to remember what it felt like when I thought I lost you, I don’t want to think about the future or the past or anything except this moment, right here, right now with you. Can we do that?”

He leaned into him, their lips close but not quite touching and Will’s eyes darkened slightly. He nodded and pulled Nico into a kiss more feral and lustful than any they’d shared before during their time dating. Nico’s hands roamed every part of Will, anxious to feel the warmth and the reaction of goosebumps on his skin, the reminders that he was real, that he was alive, that he was Nico’s.

Nico pulled back to catch his breath, but Will began to kiss his neck, causing Nico’s breaths to turn shallow and every nerve in his body to become hyperaware of every touch. Nico felt a smile tug at his lips as he tried to control his breathing. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Will’s ear and whispered, “You called me darling.”

Will chuckled as he kissed him, his hands at Nico’s back, pulling him in close. “Mhm,” he hummed. He kissed his jaw and the corner of his mouth. “Was that not okay?” he murmured.

Nico smiled and shook his head. “No, I… I liked it. It has a nice ring.” He leaned in and kissed his lips, softly at first. Then his tongue slid against his lower lip, begging him to part them, his teeth bit his lip causing a beautiful sigh to slip from Will’s mouth.

Suddenly Will was holding him close with both arms, shifting until he was on his knees, and he laid Nico down, hovering over him with trembling lips. Their legs were entwined, their breaths shaking and uneven. They couldn’t get tired of each other.

After spending so long, Nico wasn’t sure how long exactly, kissing and holding the other, they laid down properly to fall asleep. Will went limp almost as soon as he whispered goodnight. Nico kept his eyes on him and bit his lip.

That day, he’d been afraid he lost Will. He was afraid he’d never see him again. He was afraid he’d lost another person he cared about. And it had left him feeling confused and unbalanced and alone. Will had gotten through the barriers without Nico realizing it, and now Nico needed him.

He didn’t want to need him. He didn’t want to depend on him so much that he’d be lost if Will decided to leave or if something happened. But he did want to show Will how much he wanted him, how much he loved being with him. There had to be a way he could do so- shut down while still showing Will how incredible he was.

He didn’t want their relationship to revolve around his depression. He didn’t want their relationship to consist of Will talking him through his episodes, or for it to seem like therapy sessions where Nico vented about everything. He just wanted a normal relationship. He wanted the dates, the kissing, the jokes, the cuddles. He wanted to give Will everything he wanted. But he didn’t want to continue opening up about his emotions. He didn’t want to keep trying to decode his brain and his thoughts.

He couldn’t let himself risk being that vulnerable.


	11. Chapter 11

The day after the shooting, everyone was tense and quiet. The sky was clouded, it was cold, and it was windy. Nico hadn’t let him go since they left his room. The rumors of who had been the fatality circulated online. A few people had gone unheard from. Then one was confirmed.

Charles Beckendorf, a junior, someone Will had met during his orientation session. Will and Nico walked toward the café where someone was setting up a memorial shrine for Beckendorf next to an entrance with a roof over it to protect it from rain. They saw as a girl walked toward it, her pretty blue eyes wide and filled with tears, slowly as though she were in a trance.

As she neared the shrine, Nico’s hand gripped Will’s. A shriek pierced the air and Nico immediately hid himself in Will’s jacket, holding onto him tightly. Will held him protectively as he shivered. “Did you know him?” he asked.

“He was my RA,” Nico answered. “He was my orientation leader.” He looked up at him with his wide eyes, so dark brown and intense, filled with fear and uncertainty. Eyes that made Will forget where he was.

“Come on,” he said, starting for the café.

They heard someone call Nico’s name, and stopped. Annabeth went up to them, her eyes red and puffy. “Hey. You guys okay?” They nodded. She sniffed and hesitated. “Um… Percy was there. It was in the gymnasium.” She pushed her hair out of her face, wiping at her eyes as she did. “He’s… really distraught right now. Could you try to talk to him, Nico?”

“I don’t know how much help I can be,” he answered. He glanced over her shoulder and Will followed his gaze. Percy was sitting on a step, his head bent down, his hands in his hair. He was trembling, shaking his head. The girl’s sobs were the only thing heard aside from the wind. “I’ll see… what I can do,” he said, frowning. He glanced at Will and Will nodded, letting him go.

Annabeth let out a sob as Nico walked away and shook her head. “He keeps saying it should’ve been him,” she cried. “Beckendorf sacrificed himself to stop the guy from hurting everyone else. And Percy tried to stop him, but….” She sniffed and tears fell down her cheeks.

“He saw Beckendorf get shot?” Will whispered. She nodded and Will took a deep breath, wondering if Percy would be okay after that. He saw Nico hugging him, his brows furrowed worriedly. His lips were moving, but Will didn’t know what he was saying.

The cold was bitter, seeping into his bones, and he was anxious to get warm. “I’m going to check on Silena,” Annabeth said. “I’ll see you around, Will.”

He nodded and watched Annabeth go to the girl who was crying in front of the memorial. He leaned against a pillar and tried not to keep glancing at Nico and Percy. A few moments later Paolo came up to him and tapped his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay? Was Nico?”

“Hey,” he greeted. “Yeah, I’m okay. He was freaking out. When I found him he was in a short sleeved shirt looking for me. He was completely panicked.” He rubbed his face and furrowed his eyebrows. “I’ve only seen him that broken once.”

“Is he okay now?” Paolo asked, his eyes worried, focused on Will.

He nodded and gestured toward Percy and Nico. “He’s helping Percy out. Percy saw the shooting happen.”

“Oh shit.” He turned and looked at Nico and Percy, furrowing his eyebrows. “Wait. Them?” Will nodded, wondering what horrible thing or rumor he was going to hear next. “Huh. They seem… close.”

Will frowned and rubbed his neck. “They’re friends.” Paolo hesitated and glanced back at the two. Nico was talking to him, rubbing his shoulder as Percy leaned against him, talking over him. Paolo looked back and Will felt his nerves tensing. “What?” he snapped.

“Nothing,” Paolo assured. “It’s just…. Are you okay with that? I’m not trying to be a douche or anything, but… I’d be bothered.”

Will sighed and kicked at the ground. “Don’t encourage it,” he muttered. “I’m trying not to compare myself to Percy. Besides, I trust Nico.” Paolo nodded and bit his lip.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to insinuate you shouldn’t. I’m just going to stop talking.”

As Will nodded, approving of the idea, Nico came up and stood beside Will, his eyes on Paolo wary but tired. “How’s Percy?”

“Shaken up. Panicked. Feeling guilty. I calmed him down a bit. Enough to get him to talk to Silena and Annabeth.” He glanced at Paolo and nodded. “I’m Nico.”

“Paolo. Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Nico nodded and Will noticed the tension of his jaw. It made him nervous and slightly smug.

Nico was jealous. This incredibly attractive, rugged, beautiful guy who had everyone in his pocket… was jealous. “I’m going inside for a drink, you want one, baby?” Will tried not smile and nodded. Nico nodded at Paolo and gave him a halfhearted smile before going inside.

Will smirked after him and heard Paolo chuckle. “Wow, he’s subtle,” he joked. “Um, I’ll let you go so you can get back to him. And the professor gave us an extension on the project, so… whenever you want to start back up on the project, just let me know.”

“Yeah, okay. Cool. I’ll see you later.” Will smiled and waved as he went into the café. Nico was looking at his phone, seated so he could stand at a moment’s notice for their drinks. Will moved his chair over to him and took his free hand. He brought it up to his lips and bit it gently, getting Nico’s attention away from his phone. “You’re jealous,” he noted.

“What? Of the super tanned dude with the black eyes and silky hair and buff build? Nah. ‘Course not,” he muttered.

Will chuckled and shook his head. “Why? You know I like you. Besides you’re the one everyone falls for. I should be the one that’s on the lookout for someone trying to steal you away.”

Nico frowned and pulled his chair closer. “You really don’t get it, do you?” he questioned softly. Will hesitated, unsure of what he meant. Suddenly, he stood and walked over to grab the drinks he ordered. He gave Will his and sat down again, biting his lip. “You are seriously… dense,” he concluded.

“Wow, thanks.”

Before he could answer, Piper and Jason came rushing in and immediately over to Will and Nico. “Have either of you two heard from or seen Leo?” Piper asked, her voice shaking but loud.

“Uh, no,” Nico answered. “I texted him yesterday and he never answered.”

“He hasn’t messaged me. Last time I saw him was class two days ago.” Piper and Jason tensed and looked at each other with panic clear in their eyes. “What happened?”

“We haven’t heard from him. And after the shooting…. God, we don’t know where the hell he is!” Piper cried.

“I mean, he has to be okay, right? There was only one fatality,” Will said softly. “And we know who that was.”

“There was only one _reported_ fatality,” Jason said grimly. “For all we know, the shooter could have killed other people too.” Will looked at Nico who had turned pale and was reaching for his phone. He called Leo’s number and began to pace. “We already called,” Jason noted. But Nico wasn’t listening.

“Someone would have found him by now if something had happened to him,” Will reasoned. He walked over to Nico and tugged him gently back to his seat. “He’s probably out of battery. Maybe he needs time alone. But someone would have found him by now if he was… dead. So he has to be fine.”

“He’s our best friend,” Piper whispered as tears ran down her cheeks. “We can’t… lose him.” Nico’s hand slid into Will’s and grasped it tightly. Will squeezed back and sighed. “We need to know he’s okay.”

“He has a car. Let’s go see if his car is here,” Will suggested. “If it is, we search the campus. If it’s not, we can assume he’s off campus.” They nodded and started for the dorm Leo was in. Sure enough his car was there. “Okay. We’ll check his room. You guys check any place he goes to a lot.”

“We knocked on his dorm just an hour ago,” Jason said.

“He might’ve come back within an hour,” Will answered. “Go. We’ll let you know if we find him.”

Piper and Jason left, hand in hand. Nico and Will went into the dorm as Nico chewed on his lip. Will reached out and put his thumb on Nico’s chin, forcing his lip away from between his teeth. “How did things get so fucked up?” he whimpered softly. Nico led the way, knowing where Leo’s dorm room was in the first place. Nico knocked and waited anxiously.

When nothing happened he knocked again, harder. He tried the doorknob to no avail. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at Will anxiously. Just as Will was about to suggest they look somewhere else, the door lock turned.

It opened only slightly to show a very flushed, disheveled, unfocused Leo with a dopey smile on his face. “Hey guys,” he greeted.

Before Will could speak, Nico had his hands at his shirt and was shoving him back, forcing the door open. “Where the hell have you been? Do you realize how worried Piper and Jason have-”

“Uh, Nico?” Will said, his eyes on the girl that was standing awkwardly by Leo’s desk.

Nico’s eyes followed Will’s and saw the girl, but it only seemed to fuel his anger. “ _Figlio di puttana, pezzo di merda! Cazzo,_ Leo!” he shouted, shoving him back against the wall. Will had a moment of dizziness as he heard the smooth, vulgar Italian falling from Nico’s lips. He’d never heard him speak Italian before.

He yanked his ear and hauled him out of the dorm. Will smiled apologetically at the girl who looked shocked and confused. He left the dorm to see that Nico had shoved Leo into the study room. “Dude, what’s your deal?” Leo gasped. “I’m totally fine! I got a date, man! You should be proud of me!”

Nico shoved him. “There was a fucking shooting yesterday and you want me to congratulate you on getting laid?” he snapped.

“I didn’t-”

“Shut up!” Nico yelled, punching him in the arm hard enough for Leo to yelp and his cheeks turned bright red. “Piper and Jason have been going nuts, you never texted anyone back, you didn’t tell anyone where you were. At least charge your fucking phone, Valdez!”

“Neeks, take a breath,” Will warned.

“ _Vaffanculo,_ ” he snarled, turning away. “I’m going to tell Piper and Jason we found him.”

Leo rubbed his arm and grimaced. “What’s the big deal? I thought the message said there’d been one fatality, why were they worried about me?”

Will sighed and tried not to lose his patience like Nico. “Jason pointed out that it was only one reported fatality. There may have been more. Everyone’s been worried.” He looked over at Nico who was talking into his phone, glaring at Leo. “A message would’ve been nice. Percy witnessed the shooting. I don’t know if you knew him, but Charles Beckendorf was… the one who got shot.” Leo’s face fell, draining of color.

“Charles Beckendorf?” he repeated. “He… he was in my computer science class…. He would help me all the time, I- No. No way.” Will bit his lip and nodded. Leo ran his hand through his curls and took a shaking breath.

A few minutes later, Piper and Jason burst into the room. Piper hit him before pulling him into a hug, breaking down into sobs. Jason refused to look at him until he’d apologized a million times. Nico took Will’s hand and gestured to the door for them to leave.

Before they reached the door, Leo called out to him. “So this means you care about me, right?” Nico scowled and flipped him off.

They left the dorm and Nico shut his eyes for a moment before turning to look at Will. “I want to show you something.”

“What?” he questioned. But instead of answering, Nico walked faster, keeping his hand intertwined with Will’s. They walked back to Nico’s dorm hall, but walked to the parking lot. Nico led him to his motorcycle and Will raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are we doing?” he questioned.

Nico took out an extra helmet and sighed. “I don’t want to be around this today. There’s a huge aura of death and pain here and it’s bringing back bad memories. I want to get away with you, and I want to show you this place that’s important to me.” He held out the helmet and Will took it hesitantly. “Ever ride a motorcycle before?”

“Do I look like someone who’s gotten on a motorcycle?” he asked, putting the helmet on.

Nico shrugged. “No, but you also don’t look like someone who would know all the words to an Eminem rap song either,” he pointed out. “Come on.” He swung his leg over and gestured for Will to get on. After taking a deep breath, he did, and he wrapped his arms around Nico’s waist. “It’s not too far,” Nico assured over his shoulder.

And he started the bike, kicking off at a speed Will wasn’t expecting. He tightened his arms and felt Nico’s body rumble with laughter. He kept his chin on Nico’s shoulder and watched as they zipped along at the same speed as cars. Then Nico made a few turns that made Will dizzy until they reached an open range of space, taken up by a dirt road with tire marks.

Nico stopped the motorcycle and put his hand over Will’s. “We’re good.” Will got off and looked around, feeling like his legs were vibrating after riding the motorcycle. “I come here to think.”

“And get drunk?” Will recalled.

“Usually, yes. It’s my getaway. It’s usually only busy on Fridays. That’s when you get a showing of knock-off Fast and Furious drivers. That’s fun to watch sometimes.” He shrugged and got off his motorcycle, setting it up against a tree. “It’s no secret, but… I’ve only ever come here alone.”

Will smiled and kicked at the ground as Nico walked back over to him. “So you’re saying this is special.” Nico shrugged and nodded nervously. “What do you do when you come here? Just sit and stare at the dirt?”

“No, I ride,” he said gesturing to the motorcycle. “If it’s late enough, I sit and lay back to look at the night sky. I just… try to forget.”

Will nodded and began walking up the dirt road, looking at the tire marks. “So… the night I went looking for you, and you kissed me…. You came here right?” Nico nodded. “What were you trying to forget?”

There was silence for a moment, and Will wondered if he shouldn’t have asked. Then Nico said, “You.”

He turned around, surprised. He looked at Nico as he walked slowly catching up to him. “Me?” he questioned. “Why me?”

Nico smirked as he got close enough to pull Will in. He kissed him lightly on the lips, and rubbed their noses together. “Yes you,” he answered. He closed his eyes and sighed, but Will kept his open, looking at his distressed facial expression. “We’d kissed, and you didn’t remember. And that kiss made me realize how much I like you, and that was… really terrifying. Because that meant I was becoming attached to someone, and… I don’t do attachment. It means I can get hurt.” He took a breath, his eyes still closed, and leaned into him, leaning his head on his shoulder. “But I didn’t want to stay away from you. And I wanted to know as much about you as you did about me. Then the whole thing with Percy happened,” he groaned. “And you just… disappeared. So I thought… maybe you liked me too. Then I went to talk to you-”

“And I said we were just friends and I didn’t care about what happened with Percy,” Will finished, wincing at the memory.

Nico nodded and glanced back at him. “Because it wasn’t your business. I wanted to forget what I felt. I wanted to forget kissing you because you’d forgotten. I wanted to forget that I’d told you everything.”

“Did it work?” he whispered, not trusting his voice to be much louder.

“For a little bit,” he admitted. He smirked and pulled him in closer, making Will blush. “But then you come knocking on my door, insisting that you’re not going anywhere, with that annoying stubborn attitude and those stupid sparkling eyes and…. And I was tired. I was tired of pushing you away, and I couldn’t stand the idea of only being your friend.”

Will shook his head and ran his hand through Nico’s hair. “How could you possibly believe I didn’t like you? Everyone likes you, Nico. The only problem is that you’re so intimidating and closed off.”

Nico frowned and tugged Will’s jacket to cover him up. His fingers brushed the skin on his neck, icy cold. “Exactly. And I told you so much. I’m a mess. I’d have thought that would turn you off.” He smirked and pushed him away. “And don’t you start with me on the whole ‘everyone likes you’ thing, _darling.”_ Will raised an eyebrow and frowned at him. He sighed and took his hand.

Suddenly Will was on the floor with Nico laughing over him. “What the hell just happened?” he said in surprise. Nico rested his chin on his chest and smiled at him. He rolled his eyes shoved him off. “Why did you throw me onto the ground?” he asked.

Nico kneeled behind him and slid his arms around him, causing Will to tense and his heartbeat to speed up. He had on a thick jacket but even that wasn’t enough to keep the electricity from coursing through his veins. “The freckles on your hands,” he whispered in his ear. “Their smoothness and warmth. The strength in them, in your arms when you’re keeping me from falling apart.” His hands slid up his arms to his shoulders. “The way you shiver in the cold and your shoulders hunch.” Will felt Nico’s lips at his throat, brushing against the side of his neck while his hand caressed the other side. “The sound you make when I kiss you here,” he murmured, his breath hot against him. He kissed his neck and Will felt his face flush as he whimpered.

“The way your hair glints in the sun, the way one lock of hair seems to always fall in front of your eyes, the way it arranges itself to whatever side you toss it to as you run your hands through it,” he chuckled as his fingers ran through Will’s hair. He leaned forward and rested his chin on Will’s shoulder, but Will had his eyes shut, trying to control his breathing.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

Nico’s teeth grazed his earlobe and Will gasped before biting his lip to keep quiet. Nico moved to kneel in front of him and cupped his face. “How easy it is to make you blush. The freckles splattered like stars against your cheeks. The chiseled jaw, the warm, plump lips, the intensity in the blue of your eyes, the way they sparkle when you’re excited or determined, the way the darken when you’re turned on, the way they seem to react to the sky and weather, turning different shades of blue.” Will opened his eyes and looked at Nico curiously. “The little freckles on your chest, the softness of your voice, the warmth in your hugs.” He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Will. “The sweet scent I can’t place. The beating of your heart and how it keeps me calm.” He sat up and leaned in to kiss Will who was confused and warm and anxious. “Do you know why I just listed all of that?”

“I’m guessing it’s the things you like about me,” he answered softly.

Nico chuckled and bit Will’s bottom lip lightly. “It’s things about you that anyone would like, Will. You are… so insanely gorgeous it’s insane. I saw the way people looked at you at the party. I’ve heard them talk.” His hand caressed Will’s cheek as he stared at him in awe. “And I can’t believe you don’t see it. I can’t believe you don’t see how perfectly and imperfectly perfect you are. I can’t believe you don’t see just how many people are and can be attracted to you.” He grabbed his chin, tilting him up to look at him and Will nearly lost it.

He couldn’t handle the look those eyes were giving him. So intense, so curious, determined, and mysterious. He couldn’t handle the mischievous smirk or the sensation of one hand firmly grasping his chin and the other sliding down his arm. “Nico,” he breathed. Nico tilted his head and hummed, and Will pulled him into a kiss so dizzying, he forgot where he was.

He forgot the cold, he forgot the day before, he forgot the morning, he forgot the worry and fears, he forgot _everything._ All he was aware of was Nico in his arms, his lips so soft and dominant, his body warm and folding perfectly against him.

Suddenly Nico pulled away and stood. He held out a hand and smirked. “Come on,” he said. Nervously, Will placed his hand in Nico’s and stood. Nico led him to the motorcycle and handed him the helmet.

“Are we leaving already?”

“Just put it on,” he said, chuckling. Will did and after Nico got onto it, Will followed, wrapping his arms around his torso. Without warning, the bike took off and Will held on to Nico tighter. Nico’s laughter filled the air and the bike went faster. They left behind a trail of dirt and Will could only hold on to Nico for dear life as he turned and the motorcycle tilted before righting itself and continuing on its speeding path.

Suddenly they were in the air, and Will realized Nico had used a ramp. It felt terrifying and wonderful at once. He winced as they landed back on the ground, but Nico wasn’t fazed. He continued driving his motorcycle until they’d made an entire loop back around. He stopped and turned to look over his shoulder. “So?”

“I might barf, but it’s worth it,” Will groaned as he leaned his head against Nico’s back. “That’s incredible. It feels like flying.”

“Liberating, right?” He slid off and pulled Will along. Will stumbled and Nico caught him with a light chuckle. “Easy there, baby.” Will blushed and steadied himself. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. If you call me baby or speak Italian again I might lose my mind completely.” Nico raised an eyebrow and bit his lip.

“Don’t give me ideas,” he purred. Will bit back a whimper and pushed him away playfully. Nico snickered and followed him as he sat by a tree. As Will sat, Nico laid down with his head in Will’s lap. He began running his hands through his hair, soft and black as night. His eyes fluttered shut, and Will could see the curve of his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheekbones.

He was fascinating to look at. He was perfect. And he wasn’t. And Will adored that about him. There was a sort of privilege he felt in being the only one to have experienced Nico in his moments of weakness, in the moments where tenderness and gentle touches and whispers were shared. He was certain that no one else knew that part of him, and being the only one made Will feel special for once.

Nico had brought him gifts, he’d written him a song, he’d brought him to a place meant for his own escape, he’d cried with him, he called him pet names. How many people wished they could be in Will’s place? How many people wished they were the ones being kissed by Nico? Or held by him, or sleeping next to him, waking up to him? He was certain there were several. And by some miracle, he was the one lucky enough to be in that position.

“It feels like we’re the only people in existence right now,” Nico whispered.

“I know,” he answered. Nico turned and opened his eyes to look at him. Will could feel a blush creeping into his cheeks again. “I like it.” He smiled and reached out with his hand to touch Will’s lips. Nico’s face filled with wonder as his fingers, with their feathery touch, slid along his lip. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, grabbing his hand and kissing the pads of his fingers.

He gasped softly, his eyes fluttering for a moment before he sat up. “No reason,” he murmured, before cupping his face and kissing him.

He would never get tired of the taste of his lips. He would never stop feeling the million volts of electricity course through his body after receiving a kiss from Nico.

***

The next day, the school was holding a service for Charles Beckendorf. Much to his discomfort, Nico asked if he could sit with Percy during it. He would be beside Silena and other students who were in the gymnasium, but he was so overcome with grief, he’d asked Nico to stay with him. Will managed a smile and assured him it was okay, but Will couldn’t help the paranoia tugging at him.

The ceremony was painful. Will hadn’t know him too well, but when he’d met him during orientation, he seemed to be a funny, sincere guy. He helped everyone feel welcome and played football with some of them during their breaks.

The entire school seemed to feel shaken at the loss. Will couldn’t wrap his head around it. He had sacrificed himself. He must have known he’d get shot if he tried to stop the man. And he still did it. The idea made Will nauseous, and suddenly he wished Nico were there to whisper reassurances in his ear.

But he wasn’t. He was beside Percy, reassuring him, hugging him. Will shut his eyes and reminded himself that Nico didn’t like Percy anymore. That he had never wanted him as much as he wanted Will and he had never exposed himself to him as much as he had to Will.

He let the bitter cold distract him and focused on the words echoing through the speakers to the students and staff.

Once it was over, he started for the café, hoping to distract himself with drawing since he had no homework to focus on for the first time in a long time. On his way there, he got a text from Nico.

 _The ceremony had a bad toll on Percy. I’m going to take him home and make sure he’s okay. I’ll tell you when I get back, okay?_ Will grit his teeth and sent back a message assuring him it was okay despite the fact that he didn’t feel it was. He drummed his fingers against the table and sent a text to Paolo.

_Okay you were right. It bothers me._

A few seconds later he got one back. _Café?_ Then, _Be there in a bit._

Will grabbed a muffin and began tearing it apart without eating it. A few moments later, Paolo came into the café and sat down in front of him. “Did you by any chance let him know it’s bothering you?”

“Of course not,” he answered. “Also I appreciate that you immediately knew what I meant.” Paolo chuckled and grabbed a piece of the muffin Will had torn. Will sighed and bit his lip. “I don’t want him to think that he can’t have friends, you know? I don’t want it to seem like the smallest interaction makes me panic and insecure and…. I don’t want to annoy him. And the fact that it bothers me is honestly kind of embarrassing.”

“It’s normal,” he said. “Nico is your boyfriend.” He leaned forward and stopped Will from mushing what was left of the muffin with his thumb. “I see both sides. For one, what Percy saw was very traumatizing. It makes sense he wants help. I’m not sure why he needs it to be Nico, but I won’t pry. And on the other hand, I understand that it bothers you. There’s a lot of closeness and… isn’t it your first relationship?” Will nodded began chewing on his nail. Paolo smacked his hand away. “I think you should let him know. Before it gets worse.”

Will sighed and slumped in his seat. “And what’ll that do? I’ll seem like a paranoid boyfriend and he’ll just assure me it’s nothing to worry about whether it is or not and I’ll still be panicking.”

Paolo frowned and gathered the mess Will had made. “Okay. So what is it exactly that bothers you? He’s close to Leo too, right? That doesn’t seem to bother you.”

Will gulped his leg started bobbing up and down under the table. “Nico used to like Percy. They kissed before we got together.”

Paolo’s face fell and he looked down at the table. “Oh.”

“Yep,” Will said, trying not to think that the reaction meant anything. “He said he didn’t like him anymore, but…. I don’t know. Have you seen Percy? The green eyes, the tanned, smooth skin, chiseled features, unruly hair, the smirk!”

Paolo furrowed his eyebrows and put a hand against his mouth, trying to hide a smile. “I feel like Nico should be the one worrying about you falling for Percy.” Will scowled and Paolo cleared his throat nervously. “Sorry. Okay, I get your point. But…. Okay I have no solution, I don’t know Nico very well. But I really think he’d understand if you just told him. I mean it’s not like he’d cheat on you or something.” He didn’t answer, keeping his eyes on the table, feeling the cold anxious fear spreading in his chest.

In comparison, anyone would choose Percy. Nico had liked him at some point. Who was to say those feelings wouldn’t come back?

“Will?” Paolo murmured.

He looked up and shook his head. “I… I don’t know, really,” he whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

It’d been a week since Beckendorf’s death. Annabeth had finals she needed to study for, but so did Nico, so they alternated for who would stay the night at Percy’s and help him when he had nightmares.

Nico hadn’t even managed to fall fully asleep when he heard the screaming. He raced to Percy’s room and pulled the covers away, gripping his arms tightly. “Hey, hey, hey, sh, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe,” he assured. Percy’s breaths came fast and heavy. His hands were shaking, and his hair was matted to his forehead with sweat.

A sob ripped through his throat and he hid his face in his hands. It hurt Nico to see his friend this way. He had dealt with death. He remembered how he’d felt after losing his mother, more so how he felt after losing his sister. He used to get nightmares too. He used to wake up shaking, petrified. He used to think he could hear them, see them.

But he hadn’t seen them die. The news simply came to him. Percy had seen Charles Beckendorf throw himself in front of the attacker, he had seen the gun go off, he saw the blood, he saw Beckendorf, struggling in those last moments to get the gun away. He had seen it all.

“Hey, Percy, look at me.” He reached forward and pried his hands away. “Look at me, Percy. I need you to focus on my voice, okay? I need you to look at me and focus on me. Can you do that?” Slowly, Percy’s gaze rose to look at Nico. They were filled with tears, making the green glisten like a jewel. Nico took a deep breath and tried to think of things to say to make him feel better.

Will was good at this. Nico wasn’t. But Nico had dealt with death, and Percy knew Nico. He didn’t know Will. “Okay,” he said. “Do you maybe want to eat something? Or do you want to watch a TV show until you go back to sleep? Do you want me to distract you by talking about my homework?”

Percy hesitated and took a few deep breaths. “Could you tell me about Will?” Nico blinked in surprise. “You’ve never bothered to stop and date anyone,” he whispered. “Until him. Tell me about it. What it’s like, what made him different?”

“Why?” he answered, feeling his cheeks warm. “That’s… a bit personal.”

Percy chuckled and shrugged. “I know. But I want to know- what made the notorious Nico finally settle down?”

Nico grimaced and shook his head. “Dear God, tell me that’s not actually a nickname people gave me.”

“No,” Percy laughed. “I actually came up with that now. Pretty proud of it, actually.”

Nico rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You’re a dork, Percy.” He shrugged and smiled. But the smile was tense. His eyes were still anxious, distant. “I mean… I don’t know really. I guess…. I mean, he’s so stubborn. So stubborn and optimistic it’s frustrating.” Percy frowned and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “But I think I needed that. I needed him, stubborn and relentless and determined. Someone who paid attention. Who saw more to the world than what was there, who saw more to people, you know?” He bit his lip and thought of Will, so determined on making Nico realize he wasn’t alone.

“The way I saw it,” he continued, “I had two choices. I could either cut him out completely so I wouldn’t need him… or I could give in. And I wanted to be with him. I wanted… to kiss him whenever I felt like it. I wanted him to hug me when I was having a bad time, and know it was okay. I wanted… I wanted to be with him, be around him, and _know_ … that he wanted to be with me too. You know? That it’s not just pity or something, he… actually wants to be around me.” He shrugged and tugged at the hair at his neck. “He pays attention. He did from the start. So… I think that set him apart.”

Percy smiled and looked at him with vibrant green eyes that used to make Nico’s heart pound. Now he could only think of resplendent blue ones, filled with kindness, changing with the weather, but always so beautiful. “So,” Percy said, nudging him. “What are you doing here with me, then?”

“What?”

Percy scoffed and crossed his arms. “You’re head over heels in love with this guy, and instead of taking him out on a date on a Friday night, you’re babysitting me!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nico yelped, standing and pacing about Percy’s room. “Wh-who said anything about _love,_ dude? Okay, I’m not ‘ _in love’_ with anyone. I don’t fall in love, I can’t fall in love, and more importantly, he wouldn’t love me, so-”

“Nico, breathe,” Percy interrupted. He did, feeling his face heat up as he did. “Okay. First of all, it’s okay to fall in love. Second, I’m pretty sure you’re falling in love if you’re not already. And third, if he wasn’t capable of loving you, he wouldn’t be dating you.” Nico stammered and sputtered, unable to think of anything to say to that without sounding pathetic. “But seriously, you should get back to him.”

“It’s like two in the morning, Perce.”

“Those are the best kinds of dates!” he protested. “Go drive around downtown, check out the lights, go to a historical landmark, park somewhere and just stare at the stars, have a picnic, go to a 24-hour diner, anything.” He stood up and grabbed his chin, forcing Nico to look at him. The gesture made Nico panic for a second but Percy just made him look him in the eye. “It’s not your responsibility to watch after me. I’ll watch a TV show, I’ll call Annabeth to come by, I’ll call Grover. But it’s not on you. Go take your boyfriend out.”

Nico bit his lip and smiled. “You’ll be okay?” Percy nodded and put his hand on Nico’s shoulder. “If anything… call me, okay? You’re my friend, it’s okay.” Percy nodded again then turned him around and nudged him out of his room.

“Bye, Nico. Thank you.” Nico nodded and got into his car.

He drove back to the school, parking near Will’s dorm hall. He made his way to Will’s room and knocked on the door. He heard someone call, “One sec!” and then a moment later Cecil opened the door. His face fell and he looked slightly shocked. “Um, hey.”

“Hey,” Nico said, furrowing his eyebrows. “You okay?”

“Yep.”

“Is Will-”

“Nico?” he heard. Will came up behind Cecil. “I thought you’d be at Percy’s tonight. It’s two in the morning.”

“Yeah, he told me he’d be okay tonight. So I thought I’d come see you.” He stepped in and Cecil moved aside, looking worried. Will kissed him lightly and Nico walked over to the bed. “So are you up for- um. Hi?”

Paolo looked up from his phone as he laid on Will’s bed and smiled. “Hey!” Nico tried to keep himself from scowling. “Are you joining us?”

Nico hesitated and Will walked past him, taking his place back on his bed, much to Nico aggravation. “We’re having a Harry Potter marathon. We’re on the third movie, want to watch?”

Behind him, he could hear Cecil muttering anxiously under his breath. “Uh, no,” he answered, flatly. “Don’t let me interrupt your fun.” He glanced at Paolo and how at ease he seemed to be on Will’s bed. His stomach twisted and he clenched his jaw. “See you tomorrow.” He turned around and nodded at Cecil who seemed to feel the awkwardness the most out of all of them.

He left the dorm, and as he waited for the elevator, he heard footsteps coming towards him. “Hey.” He sighed and turned to look at Will. “What happened? You don’t like Harry Potter?”

Nico crossed his arms and ignored the elevator as it opened. “Oh, no, no, don’t let me intrude on your little sleepover with Mr. Brazil 2010, Will.” Will narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but Nico cut him off. “No! Don’t tell me I’m overreacting, or that I shouldn’t be jealous. Okay, I came to your room thinking, oh, maybe my boyfriend would love to go on a silly little date at two in the morning because why not, and I get to your room to see Ponytail lounging on your bed! Come on, even Cecil looked uncomfortable with that!”

“Oh, please!” Will snapped. “You say that like you walked in on him naked on my bed or something. We’re having a marathon! I figured since my boyfriend is too busy taking care of Percy, my friends would like to hang out.”

“Wait, so this happens every time I spend the night at Percy’s?” he exclaimed. “What the fuck?”

Will raised his hands in frustration and ran his hand through his hair. “Did you hear yourself just now? You spend the night at this guy’s house every other night, and I can’t have my friends over to watch a fucking movie?”

“No, no, no, it’s not the same, Will!” he shouted. “Percy saw something traumatizing okay? He has nightmares! He needs his friends.”

“Really? Is that why you’re doing this? Because last I checked, Percy had lots of friends. But you and Annabeth are the only ones staying at his place.” Nico clenched his jaw and stared at him. “What about me? Okay, I was stuck in a library with this psychopath loose! I get nightmares too! And you’re not here!”

“Stuck in the library with your new friend over there! Yeah, poor you,” he hissed. “And that’s not at all the same, Percy saw someone _die!_ ”

“First of all, the fact that I happened to get stuck in a library with Paolo and _dozens of other students_ is beside the point! And I’m not saying-”

“Hey!” they turned and saw the floor’s RA walking toward. “Do you two realize it’s way past quiet hours?” he snapped. He looked at Nico and frowned. “Do you even live in this hall?”

Nico rolled his eyes and pressed for the elevator again. “No. I’m leaving anyway.” He turned away, his jaw clenched, and ignored Will’s expectant expression.

“Sorry. I’ll stay quiet,” he muttered to the RA. Nico heard his footsteps as he left and with each step, his breaths increased. He got into the elevator, ignoring the RA looking at him in confusion, and left.

When Will got back to his dorm, his frustration was clear on his face. “Look, I didn’t mean to cause trouble. If you want, I can go talk to him-”

“No, this isn’t about you,” Will said, interrupting Paolo.

“Will, we could hear you two arguing all the way over here. It was very obvious what that was about,” Cecil pointed out.

“No,” Will insisted. He looked at Paolo and sighed. “It’s stupid that he can spend the night at Percy’s house, a guy he told me he used to like, but I can’t watch movies with my friends. I mean it’s not even like it was just me and you in here, Cecil’s here too! He’s being a dramatic, selfish prick, and I’m not going to run after him begging him to understand.”

Paolo frowned and bit his lip. Cecil sighed and scratched his head nervously. “I mean… Will has a point,” Cecil admitted. “You’re fully dressed. I’m in here. Will didn’t act like he was hiding anything.”

“Cecil shush,” Paolo said, noticing the look on Will’s face. “Will, it’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Wait what did I say?” Cecil exclaimed.

But Will was sitting on a chair with his head in his hands. The day before, he had been explaining the signs he’d read about on the internet to Paolo. The signs of cheating in a relationship. From mood swings, to excessive pampering, to falling off the face of the planet for hours at a time, to finding reasons to blame the other of an affair, Nico seemed to fall into them in some way.

Earlier in the week he’d appeared at Will’s dorm with a pizza, Twizzlers, and new headphones for him. At first, Will figured it was just him doing more of what he’d seen on television. Then a few hours later he was making snide comments about Paolo until Will asked him to stop, only to get annoyed with Will for it. And when Will had asked how Percy was doing, he seemed anxious to get off the subject.

Now he was trying to make it seem like Will was the one to be suspicious of when there was absolutely no reason for him to be. And Will knew it was a way to get any blame off himself. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I mean… why else would he have decided to show up suddenly at two in the morning if it’s not because he did something, felt guilty, and wanted to make up for it? Then he sees Paolo and suddenly, he’s not the bad guy, I am!”

“Will, I really don’t think he’d cheat on you,” Cecil insisted.

“No one thinks someone they like is cheating. But that won’t stop it from being true.” His friends looked at each other worriedly and Will rubbed his face. “I’m sorry. This isn’t supposed to be about my relationship. Let’s just get back to the movie.”

Paolo got off his bed and kneeled beside Will. “I think you should talk this out with him. My grandmother always said you’re not supposed to go to bed angry with the person you love.” Will sat up and stared at him in shock. “Uh, in this case the person you’re dating. My point is, fix it. Don’t sleep on it, it could make things worse.”

Will sighed and shook his head. “He pressed the elevator button to leave and wouldn’t look at me. Why should I be the one going to him to talk?” he asked. Paolo placed his hand on his shoulder and looked at him with concerned dark eyes. He nodded slightly and Will sighed. “I’ll be back.”

He grabbed his coat and tugged on a pair of slippers before rushing out of the room. It was freezing outside, but Will trekked over to Nico’s hall anyway. He was shivering by the time he got to the hall and he felt numb as he searched for Nico’s room.

He stood outside the door for a while and took a frustrated breath before knocking on the door. He was about to knock again when it opened and Nico stood there, staring at him with evident anger. Will crossed his arms and sighed. He had made the first move by going to his dorm. The least Nico could do was be the first to speak.

For a while they just stared at each other, each brewing with anger. Then Nico finally huffed and said, “What do you want?”

“To talk.”

He scoffed and nodded. “Yeah, you’re doing great at that,” he said sarcastically.

Will scowled and debated walking away. “I’d like to talk, not argue. And if we’re going to argue, we may as well go outside now before we get yelled at by another fucking RA.”

“Fine,” he spat. He turned away and the door almost shut before Will stopped it. He opened it and saw Nico grabbing his coat again, as well as a pack of cigarettes. “Let’s go.”

Will sighed and grabbed his arm. “Nico, do we have to argue?” Nico pulled away and glared at him before walking away. Will bit his lip and followed him. They stepped out into the cold and Nico sat on a stone bench nearby. He lit his cigarette and took a drag as he glared at Will. “Stop looking at me like that!”

“How do you want me to look at you? I’m angry with you!”

“You’re always angry with me!” he shouted. “From one second to the next, you go from telling me how lucky you feel to have me to storming out and yelling at me! It’s exhausting!”

Nico rolled his eyes and grit his teeth. “In case you haven’t noticed, sweetheart, I only get pissed off when you bring up Ponytail.”

“He’s my friend.” The cold air was starting to make his body tense and he could barely think of the words he wanted to use. “I’ve told you that you don’t need to be jealous. That I like you and that’s why I’m with you!”

“I don’t care!” he shouted. “That doesn’t keep me from thinking that he could take you from me.”

“Okay and how do you think I feel about Percy?” he snapped. Nico scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me! You liked Percy! He fucking kissed you the night before we started dating and now you’re staying the night at his place? Yeah, okay, he’s traumatized, but he has Annabeth! He has Leo and Grover and Jason and so many other people, so why is it you?”

“Because I understand death, Will!” he shouted. “Okay, I understand going through the pain of losing someone. I know what it’s like having to deal with the fact that you’re never going to see someone again. Beckendorf was Percy’s friend, he helped him get together with Annabeth, he helped him in sports and classes, they were close. And he’s gone and while Percy loves Annabeth and has other friends, I’m one of the few who knows what he’s going through.” He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. “I’m so sick of people thinking I’m hung up on Percy to the point where I would never get over him. I’m over him, okay? I told him, I told you, I told Annabeth, what more do you want from me?”

“I want….” He broke off, not knowing what he wanted. He knew accusing Nico would be stupid. But he also had reason to be afraid. He knew there was a possibility however slight it was. He like Nico more than he had ever liked anyone before, and he was scared to lose him. Because to him it still didn’t make sense that he could like him. It made sense for him to like Percy. But he knew repeating the same disbelief wouldn’t get them anywhere. “I don’t know,” he moaned. “I don’t know what I want, Nico.”

Nico furrowed his eyebrows and stood up. “Why are you crying?” he asked, brushing away the tears sliding down his cheeks. His own eyes began to glisten. “I mean… are you… trying to break up with me?”

“No, you idiot,” Will cried, pulling him closer by his jacket lapels. “I’m crying because I’m scared. I’m scared to lose you to him. I know you said you’re over him, but it’s still possible-”

“ _No.”_

“Yes, Nico,” he insisted. “It is. And I know it is. Because I’ve seen Percy, I know he’s nice and incredibly attractive-”

“You are everything I could ever ask for,” Nico interrupted. “Baby, this is just your insecurity talking, okay?”

“Exactly, Nico,” he whispered. His teeth were beginning to chatter, so he gnashed them together to stop them. “My insecurity gets the best of me. And you storming off, yelling at me doesn’t help.” Nico shut his eyes and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together.

He licked his lips and sighed. “When I was at Percy’s today, he had a nightmare, so I had to wake him up. I started talking to him to calm him down. And he asked me… what it was about you that made me finally decide to date.” A shaking hand rested on his cheek. “Will, I talked about you and how much I like you, I rambled on and on about it. And he told me to leave him. He told me to come to you. He knows how much I like you. So why can’t you see it?”

Will shook his head and let out a breath. “If it helps,” he whispered, his voice broken with the cold, “Paolo’s been the one telling me over and over again that I shouldn’t worry.”

“Well, I’m going to agree with Ponytail this once.” Will chuckled Nico smiled. He leaned forward hesitantly and Will shut his eyes as Nico kissed him. His mouth tasted like cigarettes, but he didn’t mind. Not at that moment. “God, you’re freezing,” he whispered as he pulled away.

“Well, I heard you’re not supposed to talk to go to bed angry with… your significant other.”

Nico bit his lip and smirked. “Significant annoyance, in your case.”

“Oh you’re going to pay for that,” Will answered, rolling his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed him again, sliding his fingers into his hair.

“Spend the night with me,” Nico murmured. Will nodded absently, and he followed Nico back into his hall. When they got to the room, Nico pushed him to the bed and pulled himself over him. He wanted to show Will how absolutely perfect he was. He wanted to show him that he didn’t want anyone else. That he couldn’t even look at anyone else that way and he didn’t want to. “You know, it’s almost going to be a month since we started dating,” he murmured against his throat.

“We argue a lot for a couple in their early days,” Will sighed. He slid his hands down Nico’s sides and up his shirt.

“Well, we’re a very messy pair of people, don’t you think?” he asked. He bit Will’s lip and watched his cheeks flush. “God I love your facial expressions,” he chuckled.

“Don’t mock me,” he muttered.

Nico shook his head and caressed his cheek. “I’m not. I really do. And I love making you make them.” He smirked, causing Will to whimper, and he dipped down to kiss his neck. He heard Will’s rushing pants and felt his fingers dig into his skin. One hand held him up, and he put the other at Will’s cheek, feeling the movement of his jaw as he gasped for breath. He slid his thumb into Will’s mouth feeling the shape of his lips with his fingers. Will’s head tilted back as Nico bit down on his skin and sucked.

“Nico,” he whined. Nico smirked and looked at his neck. He bit him again, wanting to be sure his mark stayed.

He brushed his lips up the side of his neck, up his jaw and bit down gently on his earlobe. “Mine,” he growled.

“Oh God,” Will breathed. Nico chuckled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. “You’re technically not allowed to kiss me right now.” He hummed and kissed him again. Nico sat up and licked his lips, making Will visibly nervous.

“You trust me, right?” he asked. Will nodded. Nico gripped Will’s hips and pushed him up slightly, leaning down to kiss his stomach. He began unbuckling his jeans and Will’s hand gripped his shoulder.

“Nico,” he warned. “I’ve never… it’s too-”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Nico murmured, taking his hand and kissing it tenderly. “I promise. We can wait as long as you’d like for that.”

“So then…? Oh.” He blushed scarlet and pulled himself up with his elbows. Nico chuckled and leaned back down.

As he began pulling down his pants, the door opened and Will quickly sat up, buttoning his pants as Nico sat up properly. “Um, sorry,” Nico’s roommate said, frowning. “Ah, I didn’t know you’d have a guest.”

“No worries,” Nico said tightly. Beside him, Will was struggling to catch his breath. His roommate smiled awkwardly and went into the bathroom. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just…. Wow.” Nico raised an eyebrow. “That was awkward. Does he usually come in at three in the morning?”

“Sometimes. I’m usually asleep or not even here to know what time he gets here.” Will nodded and started to get up. “Wait, where are you going?”

“Well, your roommate’s back. I don’t think I should stay here.”

“So long as you two don’t start fooling around, I don’t really care,” his roommate yawned as he left the bathroom and washed his hands. He was in his boxers and he shuffled to his bed. “Night.”

He promptly started snoring and Nico pulled Will by his shirt. “Come here,” he whined. Will bit his lip and returned to his spot on Nico’s bed. He turned off the light and laid beside him, grabbing his arm and wrapping himself in his warmth. He figured that would be the end of the pointless fighting.

It wasn’t to say he was fine with the stupid Brazilian ponytail guy. He was still wary of him, and he was glad Will seemed to have left the little sleepover to see him instead. He had never thought of himself as a jealous person, and he knew it was not a good thing to be jealous. He knew it could cause problems that could ruin their relationship, and that was the last thing Nico wanted to do.

But he couldn’t help if he was scared that someone would take Will from him. Will was wonderful, even if he didn’t see that for himself. He was the perfect guy that everyone seemed to be looking for. And Nico was a mess. He was a paranoid, depressed, self-destructive, reckless, impulsive mess with a temper. He had no idea why Will liked him. Which was why he knew anyone else could be better for him, anyone else could offer a stronger relationship where Will wouldn’t have to play babysitter half the time. He knew Paolo could do that.

Which was why he hated the guy and wanted him as far away from Will as possible. But he wasn’t going to admit it. He didn’t want to turn into the controlling boyfriend. He knew that would definitely make Will turn away.

He pressed himself closer to him, snuggled into his arms and sighed. He hated fighting with Will. It always scared him. He always thought it’d be the end, and he didn’t know what to do if it was. But he was also too proud to give in.

With a sigh, Nico shut his eyes and turned over in his bed to wrap his arm around Will.


	13. Chapter 13

It was the week before finals, better known as Rush Week. Nico was sitting outside, despite the cold, with a coffee in front of him and a cigarette between his fingers as he leafed through his study guides. They all seemed pointless to him, seeing as all of his classes that semester were relatively easy courses. Intro level or basics that were kept easier than his high school AP classes.

He put the cigarette to his lips and started organizing them in order of the class he slacked the most on to the least. As he blew out his smoke, the chair in front of him was pulled out, and he looked up only to scowl. “Can I help you?” he growled at Will’s Brazilian friend.

He sat down, and took a breath, interlocking his hands over the table. “Hi. So, I know you don’t like me, and I really don’t mind. I’m pretty sure you don’t really like the majority of people.” Nico scoffed. “But I just wanted to let you know that you really shouldn’t worry about me. I know you and Will tend to argue a lot about-”

“Why the hell do you know about my relationship’s arguments? You have no right to butt in-”

“Maybe because I’m the one convincing Will that you’re not cheating on him or encouraging him to talk things out with you?” he snapped. “Look, Neeks-”

“It’s Nico.”

Paolo sighed. “Nico. I’m not butting in anywhere. But you seem to think that I’m interested in Will, and I’m not. I’m aro-ace.” Nico raised an eyebrow and flicked his cigarette. “It just means I’m not interested in romantic or sexual relationships. Will is just my friend, and that’s all I’ll ever see him as.”

Nico rolled his eyes and stood up. “Okay, Ponytail-”

“Paolo.”

“I don’t care.”

“See, that’s your problem. You don’t care about what anyone else has to say, but everyone has to care about what you say.” Nico’s lips curled and his fist clenched. “It doesn’t work like that. Things don’t work like that. You can’t just step over people.”

“Listen, pal. I never asked for your opinion. You are nobody to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Now, I don’t really care if you _claim_ you’re not interested. You-”

With a roll of his eyes, Paolo scoffed, “Wow, I thought Will was the paranoid one.”

“Excuse me?” Nico scowled, starting for him. Paolo raised his hands in surrender and stood.

“Okay, sorry, that was out of line. But-”

“What’s going on?” Will’s voice asked from behind him. He gave Nico a pointed look and he rolled his eyes, looking away. “Paolo?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to let Nico know I’m not a threat or anything. It’s not working out too well.”

Will glanced at Nico again and he shrugged at his boyfriend, as if to say, _What do you want from me?_ He turned back to Paolo and smiled. “Yeah, Nico can be stubborn. I appreciate it, but I can handle it.” Paolo nodded and apologized. “Thanks,” Will said as he left. He turned to Nico who pretended not to notice and continued to smoke. “Were you being mean?”

“Define mean,” he answered.

Will chuckled and Nico started for him to give him a kiss, but he turned away and put a hand against Nico’s chest. “Ah-ah-ah. You’re smoking.” Nico pouted and whined softly, but Will wouldn’t budge. “You’re supposed to be quitting,” he chided.

He shrugged and flicked the cigarette. “It’s cold. Smoking keeps me warm.” Will hummed and smirked as Nico tried to trick him into a kiss again. He’d gotten Will to kiss him after smoking before, he would do it again. But Will turned away, laughing, pushing Nico back. “Fine,” he groaned, finally. He put the cigarette out and burrowed himself into Will’s arms. “Let’s go get some gum from the café. I have to make the nicotine smell go away so you’ll kiss me.” Will laughed aloud and took his hand to lead him into the café.

He got a drink while Nico got his gum and they left the café. Nico was happy that they hadn’t argued since the day he’d gone to his dorm to find Paolo, but he was frustrated to have to admit it took a lot on his part. Just because they’d made up didn’t mean Will stopped hanging out with Paolo or letting him stay at his dorm for a movie. And since they did that, Nico figured he would just hang out with Percy or Leo when he did. He just never told Will which of the two he was with.

“Are you going to go through the entire pack?” Will questioned as Nico placed a third piece of gum in his mouth.

He shrugged and said, “I’m just trying to make my mouth minty. Plus, I just feel like I need to be doing something with my hands and mouth.” Will cleared his throat and looked away, a smile tugging at his lips. A light blush dusted his freckled cheeks and Nico chuckled. “You are very dirty-minded, Solace.”

“Mm, that’s your fault,” he accused. “You and your forwardness.” He turned before they reached the dorm and tugged Nico behind him. “Let’s go to the park,” he suggested. “I’m tired of studying and I’m tired of the campus.”

“Okay, what park?” he asked.

“That’s the best part- I have no fucking clue. Let’s just find one.” Nico chuckled and nodded, following him to his car.

They drove around mindlessly for a while before Nico decided on looking up parks nearby. When they found one, they walked leisurely, not holding hands due to uncertainty of the level of approval there. “When I was little, I used to love going on the swings,” Will said. “I loved kicking my legs until I was so high up I was scared I’d make a complete flip around.”

“When’s the last time you got on one?” Nico questioned as he looked at the kids laughing and being pushed on the swings.

“Probably my junior year. I realized it gave me motion sickness. By far one of the saddest days I’ve had.” Nico chuckled and shook his head. Suddenly a tricycle hit Nico’s leg as a child tried to stop and toppled over onto the pavement. Immediately Will leaned down and helped him up. “Are you okay, buddy?” he asked. The little boy nodded and glanced at Nico who gave him a small smile.

“Sowwy,” he said, looking at Nico with wide brown eyes and a mouth smeared with chocolate ice cream. Though who would give their kid ice cream in this weather, Nico wasn’t sure.

“It’s okay,” he assured. Will righted the tricycle and smiled at the little boy.

“Come on, time to try again.” The kid got on and started pedaling away, with Will looking after him, a small smile on his face. “Reminds me of Kayla when she was younger,” he mused. He took a breath and bit his lip before looking over at Nico. “Can I ask you something without you running away screaming?”

Nico grimaced and felt his stomach knot automatically. “See, that question alone makes me want to run away screaming,” he pointed out. Will laughed and shoved him playfully. “What is it?”

“Do you think you’d ever want kids in the future?”

Nico felt his voice disappear and he looked at Will curiously. But Will’s expression gave nothing away. He looked back at the little kids on the playground, running, screaming, laughing, crying, the parents calling out their names, the small sweaters and beanies, the strollers and sippy cups. He grimaced and sighed. “I don’t know. I never thought about it, you know? I mean, I never thought I’d bother dating, much less parenting.” He frowned and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Besides, you know, I can’t even take care of myself properly sometimes. How am I supposed to take care of a small person? I never had siblings or younger cousins to babysit. I’m not scared of kids, I just… don’t know if I’d be good at that.” Will nodded and his blue eyes skimmed the park thoughtfully. “You?”

He shrugged and let out a small breath. “I don’t know either. When my sister was born, and when she was like a year old, I thought I’d love to be a dad. But then taking care of her became all I did throughout high school. I feel like I never got to be a kid, I never got to make mistakes, you know? I want time to do that before thinking about devoting my life to a kid again.” He smiled as the same little boy rushed past them on his tricycle. “But I do love kids. They’re so full of energy and joy and innocence.”

Nico mulled that over for a moment. Maybe that was why he couldn’t put the idea of a kid in his head. He had lost all of that a long time ago. He was the embodiment of what kids are taught to fear becoming. He wasn’t innocent. He was completely destroyed inside. He didn’t want to ruin a child who deserved to be protected from all of that.

Suddenly, he felt Will tug on his jacket sleeve as he pulled him toward a building where they had classrooms and restrooms. Nico wasn’t sure what was taught in those classrooms, but they were empty for the time being. Will pulled him in and kissed him, finally, away from the eyes of children and parents and anyone who would possibly nag them for it.

And the kiss was dizzying. Maybe it was because it was the first time Will kissed him that day, and Nico simply missed him that much. Maybe it was because the second Will’s lips touched his own, it felt like they were the only ones in existence. It felt like time itself stopped for them to lose themselves in each other.

The effect Will had on him scared him more than anything had before, but he didn’t bother acknowledging it for long. Because regardless of whether it scared him or not, it was happening and Nico could do nothing about it.

***

The next day after class, Will found Leo and Nico talking as they walked to the café. He joined them without talking, only pecking Nico’s cheek and waving at Leo as they continued talking about possible gigs. They stopped at the dining hall before taking their food to a table.

“I’m just saying, places get packed on the holidays. We could get something out of this,” Leo said.

“I’m going home, Leo. My dad asked me to go back.”

“You don’t even like being home,” he pointed out.

“Correct, but he’s the one paying my tuition in the end.” He shrugged. “Maybe for spring break? Or maybe it can be our New Year’s resolution!”

Leo rolled his eyes and chewed on some fries. “Speaking of holidays. You two have been inseparable. How are you going to last through the month of vacation?”

“I keep forgetting we get a whole month,” Will mused. “And I mean, we could always visit each other at some point. I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind-”

“Wait a second, you want me to go to _Texas?”_ Nico interrupted with a sharp voice.

“Hey, what’s wrong with Texas?” Leo demanded.

With a roll of his eyes, Nico waved that question away. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant, I’m in New York. I’m not going to Texas.” Will raised an eyebrow. “What? Will, we’ve been dating for a month and a few days, you really think having me over at your place is a good idea?”

With a tense tone to his voice, he said, “It’s not a marriage proposal, Neeks, calm down.” Nico’s mouth gaped and he threw his hands up in resignation. Will rolled his eyes impatiently and continued to eat his food. “Anyway, with the holidays and stuff, the month should go by fast.”

“Still, your entire second month of dating will be with both you on opposite sides of the country.” Nico and Will looked at him in exasperation. “Sorry,” he muttered. He sipped his soda and turned his attention to Nico. “So, are you and Percy driving back together?”

The expression on Nico’s face made Will sense that Leo had said something he shouldn’t have. His eyes were wide, glaring at Leo, his body tense and frozen. “What?” he asked, since Nico wasn’t answering. Leo began stammering and Nico narrowed his eyes. “He already said one part, he may as well explain,” Will snapped at Nico. He growled at Leo, but Leo turned his attention to Will.

“Nico and Percy found out they don’t live too far apart. Percy’s from Manhattan and Nico’s from Brooklyn. So they were going to drive up together instead of Percy spending on a plane ticket. Or were you both going on the plane?” Will glanced at Nico who looked ready to murder Leo. “Sorry,” he grumbled.

“Well,” Will sighed as he stood. “Thanks for the heads up.” He left to dump his half empty take out box and glanced back at Nico for a moment before leaving the building. As he walked under the trees, the wind cold and bitter, seeping into his bones, he heard Nico’s boots against the paths.

He ignored him, but Nico caught up and turned him around. “Baby, there is still another week to go before we’re out.”

“You weren’t going to tell me and we both know it,” Will muttered. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Will, I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d get angry and-”

Will grimaced and shook his head, cutting Nico off. “See, that’s not a reason you shouldn’t tell me, that’s a reason you shouldn’t do it,” he answered. “That’s like me deciding not to tell you I’m going home with Paolo or something.” Nico scowled. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I have to study.”

He pulled away and began to walk toward the dorms, but Nico hurried after him. “Will, come on, I’m just helping him get home, I’m not spending the holidays with him. Hell, I wouldn’t even be going home if my dad didn’t keep asking me to.”

He didn’t say anything and kept walking. He heard the exasperation in his voice as he called after him. He noticed someone walking by, glancing at them curiously, and Will turned back to Nico, frustrated. “Okay, Nico, whatever! You’re doing it anyway, right? No point in arguing about it.”

“That’s not all it is, is it?” he continued. Will sighed and walked back toward him. “What? What did I do?”

He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. He bit his lip, unsure of how to explain it. “You just sounded so… freaked out when I suggested you should come over.”

“You said I wouldn’t have to meet your parents for another few months!” he exclaimed with that same tone.

Will scoffed and threw his hands up in agitation. “A few months, a few weeks, what difference is there? You’re my boyfriend aren’t you? You make it seem like you expect us to break up or something-”

“No, that’s not it!” Nico shut his eyes and tried to regain his composure. “I’m just saying, why would I meet them so early? It’s ridiculous.” Will clenched his jaw and nodded, ready to turn away from him again. “No, I- goddammit.” He groaned and rubbed his face. “Look, can we… please not fight? We’ve been doing so well, baby.”

Will’s stomach filled with butterflies. His cheeks felt warm in the cold air. “You call me that to soften me up, don’t you?” Will grumbled. Nico looked up at him and leaned forward slightly, his eyes bright and enticing as ever. “That’s not fair,” he whispered. He ran his hand through Nico’s hair and tugged on the end gently. “I just don’t want to wait a whole month to see you again,” he whispered. “If you don’t want to visit me, could I visit you?”

Nico grimaced. “And meet my father? I would never do that to you.” Will raised an eyebrow and Nico bit his lip. “The month will go by fast. We’ll be together again before you know it. For now, we still have a week.” The words still left Will feeling uncertain, but he let it go as Nico pulled him into a kiss.

He burrowed his head in the crook of Nico’s neck as he wrapped his arms around him. Suddenly, Nico began squirming, laughing nervously as he pulled back. “Oh God, don’t do that,” he said, hiding his neck. “It tickles.”

“Mm, is that all?” Will teased, noticing the flush of his cheeks. Nico rolled his eyes and tickled his sides, causing Will to yelp and run away from him. “That’s not funny!” he snapped.

Nico caught his sleeve and pulled him back. “Wait, it’s almost sunset,” he said. Will raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Come on,” he said with a smile. He took his hand and led him to the summit where there were several trees wrapped in Christmas lights. They weren’t on yet, but the view of the city was beautiful there. “Come on,” he insisted.

Will followed him and wrapped his arms around him as he looked out at the city. “Look at the colors,” Will whispered in awe. They stood there, in the cold, and even though Will hated the cold, it wasn’t so bad with Nico in his arms. “You’re a sap,” he whispered in his ear.

“Oh it gets worse,” he answered. Will furrowed his eyebrows, but he didn’t get an explanation until the lights on the trees had turned on. “Perfect.” He pulled Will back and draped his arms around him.

“What are you doing?” he questioned. Nico began to sway, singing softly, under his breath, his voice soft and hypnotizing, making heat creep into Will’s cheeks. His heart began fluttering as they swayed in a circle. “My God, you’re so cheesy,” he teased.

Nico laughed, fully and beautifully. The sound made Will dizzy. Suddenly, Nico took his hands and began jumping, tugging Will along as he sang a more upbeat song that Will didn’t know.

They came to a stop, laughing as shuddered in the cold. Will looked into his eyes, reflecting the Christmas lights like stars in the irises. They seemed clouded, but focused on Will. “What are you thinking?” he asked him.

Nico blinked and chuckled awkwardly. “I’m thinking about how your hair glints under the lights.” He touched his cheek softly. “But I can’t see your freckles in this lighting.”

He chuckled and bumped his nose with Nico’s. “Dork.” He stuck his tongue out at him and tugged him down to the ground. “Agh,” he groaned. “You know, you could just say, ‘Will, let’s sit down,’ instead of pulling tripping me and making me bruise my ass.”

Nico grumbled and crawled between his legs, and leaning back against his chest with a sigh. Will smiled and rested his chin on Nico’s shoulder. “Hey, does it really bother you? Me carpooling with Percy, I mean?” Will didn’t answer. “I just… I keep thinking about what you said. How I’d react if it was you and Ponytail. And you’re right. So if you really don’t want me to, I won’t. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Will frowned and snuggled closer to him. “It’s not so much the carpooling,” he murmured. “It’s the fact that you didn’t tell me. Leo did. And it felt like you were hiding something, like there’s some ulterior reason.” He kissed Nico’s cheek lightly and sighed. “Just tell me these things, okay?” he asked. Nico nodded, his hair tickling Will’s face. “It’s okay. I understand it probably saves money anyway.”

“Okay. And, about meeting your parents,” he continued. “I was thinking maybe for spring break instead. We’ll have a few more months together, be more stable, hopefully argue less. It’d be better then, don’t you think?” Will looked at him incredulously for a moment before squeezing him tightly.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered.

“No I’m not,” he answered. “I’m horrible at this. But I’m trying.” Will shook his head and tilted his face to kiss him.

Nico couldn’t breathe. Enveloped in his arms, with his lips warm and soft against his own, with his complete, pure beauty in front of him, he couldn’t breathe or think properly or slow his heart rate. He felt terrified, if he was honest. He liked Will so much, he felt so light and happy when he was near him. He was afraid of the closeness. He was afraid of suffocating Will or arguing so much that Will got tired of him. He was anxious at the idea of others seeing how vulnerable he was in Will’s presence.

He was terrified at how vulnerable Will made him.

Still, the fear filled him with adrenaline. He took a cold, shaky breath as Will pulled away. He kept his eyes closed, afraid of losing himself in those eyes he admired so much. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For dealing with me and all of my stupid mistakes and all of my mess.”

He heard a throaty chuckle in his ear as Will burrowed his face in his neck. “Come on, darling,” he drawled, emphasizing a Texan accent. “You’re not the only one who’s a handful in this relationship.” He took his hand and interlocked their fingers. “It’s all about balance.”

Nico bit his lip and leaned against him as they looked out at the city lights, the stars, and faded clouds in the sky, surrounded by the trees and their white Christmas lights. He glanced down at their hands, felt his warmth at his ear.

The words formed in his mind, they tickled his tongue and danced on his lips. But he didn’t say them. Because saying them would make it final, and he didn’t trust his own emotions that well.


	14. Chapter 14

If he had been cold without being sick, he felt even colder now that he was. It didn’t help that he had to go through three exams and had two more to do the following day. The only upside was that it was the last day. Then again, that meant it would be his last day with Nico.

And he was sick.

He shuffled to the café to get a tea and started for his dorm. Nico was testing and Will didn’t feel like being social at the moment. A few people he knew waved at him as he walked. When he got to his dorm, Cecil was packing up his things and checking to be sure he’d unplugged everything.

“Hey, man, you feeling better?” Will shrugged and climbed onto his bed, careful not to spill his tea. “Well, I’m leaving in half an hour. I just have to go get some snacks for the road.” He walked over to his bed and patted his knee. “Have a good holiday, be careful on your drive back, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. You too, Cecil.” He smiled and waved as he walked out, wheeling a suitcase behind him.

He grabbed his computer and began watching a movie on about an asylum as drank his tea and laid down when he was finished. He was beginning to fall asleep when he heard a knock on the door.

He checked the peephole and opened the door to see Nico holding a bag from Chick-Fil-A in his hand. “You didn’t answer my texts, so I got the soup anyway,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

“Sucky,” he moaned. “You got me soup?” Nico nodded. “You’re the best,” he said with a smile. He pulled him into the room and Nico set the food out on his desk. “How was your test?”

“Relatively easy considering I didn’t bother studying. It was my seminar class. They asked about the Harry Potter movies.” Will snorted and Nico smiled at him. “Come eat. I got this medicine too in case you haven’t taken any.”

Will felt himself blush and leaned into him. “I’d kiss you if I wasn’t so sick.” Nico chuckled and kissed his cheek before having him sit down. “When do you go home?”

“After you. Will you be able to drive back if you’re feeling this sick?”

Will sniffed and began eating his soup. “I’ll be fine. I’m mainly on the highway for most of the drive.” Nico hummed and leaned against the desk to eat his own food. “I’ll be okay. I’m better than I was yesterday.”

“Okay. But if you’re too sick tomorrow, I’m not letting you go.” Will chuckled and kept eating. When they were done, Nico stuffed the trash back into the bag and ushered Will onto his bed. “Did Cecil leave already?” he asked. Will yawned and nodded.

Nico hopped onto his bed and had Will sit up for a moment as he sat and placed his head in his lap. He began running his fingers through Will’s hair, making him feel safe and comfortable and sleepy. Before long, he was sleeping soundly and Nico pulled the covers over him, continuing to play with his hair.

When he woke up again, it was dark in his room, and Nico was laying beside him, cradling Will in his arms protectively. He had a small headache and a stuffy nose, but he didn’t feel as tired and sore as he had earlier in the day. He huddled closer to Nico and took in his scent.

There was the faded scent of smoke, mingled with the scent of mint gum. Aside from that, he smelled a little like Abercombie and Fitch and something softer, gentler, something comforting. It was a smell Will associated with a home, but could never quite pinpoint or describe. But it seemed fitting for Nico to smell like a home.

Being so far away from his own, he felt he’d found a home in this shaggy haired, troubled boy with a guarded heart. In those dark brown eyes that seemed magical, ranging from gentle to angry to loving and lustful. In his lips, so experienced and warm and sweet. In his calloused hands, scarred and rough and wide.

In his hugs, in his kisses, in his voice. Nico had become part of him so quickly. The fact made Will nervous. Was he just getting ahead of himself? Caught up in his first relationship? Carried away with the idea of a fantastical college romance? In love with the idea of love? Or was the fact that he was aware of those possibilities proof that he wasn’t simply getting overwhelmed with the novelty of a relationship?

Whatever the case, there was no doubt in the effects Nico had on him. He felt excited and nervous and giddy around Nico. His heart sped up whenever he smiled and laughed. And even though his stubbornness often led them into arguments, he couldn’t blame him for it too much. Will knew he was stubborn too, and that was simply where they butted heads.

He gripped the fabric of his shirt in his hands as he shifted closer still. How could one boy make him feel so much? How could his emotions have changed so drastically from the first time they’d met to now? He never would have thought they would be where they were.

He never would have thought Nico di Angelo would be bringing him soup or laying beside him or kissing him until he couldn’t form a single coherent thought. And he never thought he’d be the one to make Nico laugh his musical laugh, to make him write songs filled with joy and hope, to hold him and comfort him when things became too much.

Still, he was glad that all of that had happened. He couldn’t be more grateful for having Nico, no matter how many arguments they had. Because in the end, he knew Nico cared for him, and he knew that caring for someone was hard for Nico, who had lost so much and feared his own emotions. And he knew that nobody knew Nico better than he did now. So that made up for it. That made everything worth it.

 _I think I might be in love with you,_ he thought to himself as he looked at Nico’s sleeping face in the dark.

He wouldn’t tell him yet. Not with a month long break around the corner. He didn’t want to scare him away. He didn’t want him to feel like he had to love him back. Because it was okay if he didn’t. It was okay if he didn’t know yet. Will just didn’t want to risk losing him, because that would hurt more than Nico not loving him back.

Besides, he wasn’t completely sure it was love just yet. It felt like it. It felt like everything he’d read about and everything he expected it to be, but he couldn’t be certain. He was still afraid he was simply too mystified by the fact that someone liked him back enough to date him.

He gently pulled himself over Nico and began planting gentle kisses on his face. From his cheeks to his lips to his nose, to his eyelids and along his jaw. “Darling, wake up,” he murmured before kissing his neck. He felt hands sliding around him and the vibrations of a chuckle under his lips.

“Mm, someone’s feeling better,” his hoarse voice whispered. “I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t mind waking up like this every time.”

Will chuckled and brushed their noses together. “I’ll have to leave tomorrow after my tests. I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” Nico’s hands slid up and down his sides in a lazy, comforting gesture. “You’re sure you don’t want to visit?”

Nico bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you,” he whispered. “Trust me, it’s going to drive me nuts to be so far from you for that long. But Texas and New York are very far apart and I don’t really… think I’m… ready… to meet your family….”

“Oh, so _that’s_ what it is,” Will teased. “You’re scared to meet my parents.” Nico frowned and tore his eyes away from Will’s. “That’s adorable,” he chuckled. Nico glared at him yanked at his hair. “Wha- ow!”

“Shut up,” he muttered. He leaned up to kiss his cheek lightly before letting his head hit the pillow again. He looked at him silently for a moment before speaking again. “Your family knows you’re gay?” he asked softly.

Will nodded. “Yeah. Well, my mom and dad do. Kayla doesn’t, but I mean… I guess it’s not really a big thing for her. She’s still little.” Nico hummed. “Does your dad?”

He shrugged. “Never came up. I don’t really talk to him. I never dated. I never saw a reason to tell him. I don’t know if he’d get upset or not, but… I don’t really think I care.” He shrugged nonchalantly and ran his thumb along Will’s lower lip. Will let out a soft breath and hummed. “How am I supposed to go a whole month without you?”

“Do you mind if I get you sick?”

“I have a strong immune system.” Will smiled and leaned down to kiss him. He hadn’t kissed him in so long due to having gotten ill. But now he was losing himself again. His mind went blank, his body ignited with Nico’s touch.

Will pulled away and bit his lip. “I don’t want to overdo it. I feel better, but still.”

Nico gave him a troublemaker’s smirk that made Will weak in the knees. “You’re a doofus.” Will chuckled and rested his head on Nico’s chest. “I’m suddenly craving smores,” he mused.

“Really? I never had those.” Nico sat up so quickly, that Will had to roll off of him. “What the heck?”

“You _what?”_ he asked incredulously. “You’ve never had a smore?” Will shook his head. “Get your coat, babe, we’re going on an adventure.” He clambered off the bed and pulled on his shoes and his coat. “Come on!”

Will slid off his bed and looked at Nico like he might have lost his mind. But the smile on his face and the light in his eyes made him excited. He put on his shoes and grabbed his jacket as he followed Nico out of the room and down the hall.

They made their way to the parking lot where Nico’s car was at and Nico drove to the convenience store. He held Nico’s hand as they searched the shelves for marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. “Hey, genius, how are we supposed to burn the marshmallows?” Will asked. “The dorm building’s kitchen has electric burners.”

“Hm, you’re right.” He raced down another hall and picked out a couple of candles.

“Oh, that’s got to be unsanitary,” Will muttered under his breath as Nico laughed, passing him by. They walked out with their food and stopped at a Redbox to rent a movie that had just come out on DVD.

They returned to Will’s dorm and Nico lit the candles with a lighter he always had in his jacket pocket. Will opened the chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers. “Okay, so here’s your candle.” Nico slid one of them towards Will.

“Ah, no. I’ll use the lighter.” He held his hand out and Nico rolled his eyes, handing the lighter to him. “Okay. Here’s the toothpicks for the marshmallows.” Nico took one and grabbed a marshmallow. Will began burning his over the lighter and eyed Nico warily as he used the candle. “I really think you should use a lighter too,” Will chuckled. But Nico waved the suggestion away.

“Okay, okay, here,” he said, handing him a cracker and a chocolate. Will followed him as he slid the melting marshmallow onto the chocolate and took the second cracker to top it. “Ready? Hold on I need to get a picture of your reaction.” He pulled out his phone and smiled as he aimed it at him. “Okay. One, two… three.” Will laughed and bit his smore.

“Oh whoa,” he said, trying to keep it from falling apart. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that,” he chuckled. Nico laughed and put his phone away.

“You know, I swear I can taste the lavender from the candle,” he choked. Will laughed at his expense and Nico smiled at him. “You have chocolate and marshmallow all over your lips and chin,” he murmured, reaching a hand out to swipe his chin.

He chuckled in embarrassment and looked down, wiping his mouth. But Nico tilted his chin up and kissed him, taking Will by surprise. “Whoa,” he breathed. “You’re weird,” he whispered.

“Trust me, baby, that’s a good thing.” Will bit his lip and felt his cheeks warm. He smiled and bit his smore again. “You’ve now had your first ever smore. How do you feel?”

Will looked over and saw Nico with his phone up again. “Enlightened,” he said dramatically. “And very sticky.” Nico snorted and offered him a napkin. “Do you want another?”

Nico nodded and they set to roasting their marshmallows again, but Nico decided to use the lighter too. Eventually, the sweetness because overwhelming and Will stopped eating. “I’m getting a stomachache.” He glanced around and groaned. “I haven’t packed,” he muttered.

“I can do it for you while you’re testing tomorrow if you want.”

“Ah,” he answered, feeling his cheeks warm. “See there’s something oddly embarrassing about the idea of you sifting through my clothes.” Nico raised an eyebrow. “Specifically my boxers.”

With the grace of a cat, Nico slinked toward him and took a seat on his lip. “Why? I end up seeing them anyway.” His hand slid down and he snapped the band on his boxers. Will’s face heated up faster than he could process and he started stammering. “Why are you blushing?” he laughed, cupping his face.

In his state of embarrassment, Will found no other option than absolute, mortifying honesty. “Um, well, you’re sort of sitting on me, and the look in your eyes is v-very suggestive, and frankly no one’s ever been close enough to me to grab my boxers, and now your hips are-” Nico leaned forward and kissed him. He could feel his hands in his hair, pulling gently, he could feel his teeth grazing his lips, his hips rocking against him, making him feel overheated.

“Relax,” he whispered as he pulled away. “Is this okay?” Will nodded nervously. “You trust me?” He nodded, more certain this time. Nico smiled and his hands went down to Will’s jeans, unbuttoning them. He pulled down the zipper, never once breaking eye contact with Will. “You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

“S-sorry. Flashbacks.” Nico raised an eyebrow, his hands freezing. “When you were drunk, you… tried the same.”

“Oh. Oops?” Will chuckled nervously. “You’ve never done anything, have you?” Will shook his head. “Well…. Can I give you something to remember me by? What with an entire month ahead of us….” Will gulped and may have whimpered. “Would that be okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. Nico kissed him again, gently, in a way that made time slow down. Meanwhile, his hands were tugging on his jeans. He pulled away and slid off of him, and onto the floor. Will bit his lip and raised his hips when Nico motioned.

He tried not to wonder how many times Nico might have done this. He tried not to think of the standards he’d have to meet. He tried not to worry about whether Nico would enjoy what he was doing.

Suddenly, he felt the gentle, feather-light kisses Nico was planting down his stomach. His lips hovered over the embarrassing bulge in his boxers, and the kisses resumed along the inside of his thigh.

Will’s mind was turning to mush. He was thinking of everything and nothing all at once. Nico pulled away his boxers and Will shut his eyes. He took a deep breath and felt Nico’s fingers trailing lightly along his skin. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Baby, it’s okay. Look at me.” Will opened his eyes and watched Nico slide his tongue up his shaft and take him in.

The sight alone left Will breathless and he covered his mouth to silence a moan. He had never felt anything like this. He didn’t understand how Nico’s movements made him shake and moan as much as they did. But he wasn’t complaining.

His embarrassment was forgotten. His nervousness, gone. He only knew he was falling apart and unable to stop looking at Nico until the point that he had to screw his eyes shut. One hand remained at his mouth, covering the sounds Nico elicited, and the other slid into Nico’s hair.

He felt Nico’s hand reach up, removing his hand from his mouth. “I like hearing you,” he whispered, before resuming. He interlocked their hands and Will bit his lip, his moans and grunts seeming excessively loud in the small dorm.

“N-Nico? Nico, move.” Nico ignored him. “Nico!” He pushed him back, but used him for support as his body sparked with fire and electricity. “Oh fuck,” he whispered.

Nico’s chuckle tickled his ear as he lifted Will’s head from where it rested on his shoulder as he caught his breath. “See, that’s way messier than what I planned to do,” he murmured. Will gulped and looked at his eyes, as dark as the midnight sky, glistening with mischief. “My God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered. He kissed his cheeks softly. “I’m going to clean myself up. Catch your breath.” He stood up and went into the bathroom, while Will remained frozen in shock, embarrassment, and leftover pleasure.

He finally pulled himself together and began pacing nervously. He heard the bathroom door open again and turned to look at Nico. He was smiling at him, but Will was surprised to see a light blush on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Fine,” he breathed. “Uh. You?” Nico laughed and walked over to him, pulling him in by his jacket. Finally, Will allowed himself to laugh and wrapped his arms around him.

“I take it you’re not feeling sick anymore.” Will snorted and pushed him away.

“I think I’ll just pack now. You’re welcome to stay.” Nico pulled himself onto the bed and pulled his phone out.  

“You think I could borrow a shirt?” Will bit his lip, hoping he could stop blushing for five minutes, and he tossed Nico a shirt. Music played from Nico’s phone and Will started pulling out clothes to pack into a suitcase.

Knowing Texas, it wasn’t going to be that cold, even if it was December. And if it was, he knew he’d left most of his winter clothes at home. He pulled out a suitcase and started folding his clothes into it, trying to keep track of everything he was taking.

“So what do you do for the holidays when you go home?” Nico asked, lowering the volume on the music until it was just a light hum in the background.

He thought for a moment and smiled. “Well, when we’re off school, we tend to watch the Christmas movies that come on TV whenever we can. We drink hot chocolate sometimes, if we’re lucky enough to get a cold day. It’s usually warmer than it should be now. Me and Kayla write letters to Santa and put them in the tree for the elves to take overnight.” Nico laughed softly, and Will smiled at him. “On Christmas Eve we track Santa all day online. We make a Christmas Eve dinner, and then, while Mom and Dad are clearing the table, me and Kayla make cookies for Santa. We usually steal a few for ourselves and eat them with hot chocolate. Then we’ll watch the Polar Express and Kayla goes to bed. Then I help my parents bring out her presents and go to bed. Christmas day we stay in our PJs and watch more movies, but Kayla’s usually playing with whatever Santa brought her on the floor.” He smiled and suddenly couldn’t wait to go home.

He missed his little sister terribly and his parents as well. He missed the comfort and routine of home, even though there had been a time when he wanted to get away from it.

“You talk about Santa like you believe in him,” Nico chuckled.

“Don’t you? Does that mean you don’t hear the bell anymore?” Nico furrowed his eyebrows. Will laughed. “I want Kayla to hold on to that for as long as she can. Which means I have to talk about it like I believe in it too.”

“What do you mean with the bell?” he questioned.

“From The Polar Express,” he said. Nico raised an eyebrow and Will’s jaw dropped. “You’ve never seen that movie? Didn’t you ever have Polar Express day at school? Where you go in PJ’s and they give you hot chocolate and you watch the movie? They give you a bell on a red string before you go home.” Nico shook his head. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“I need to sit you down and have you watch it. You should’ve told me before, we could have watched it together. I’d have given you the whole experience of Polar Express day.” Nico laughed and watched him as he packed. “What about you? What do you do for holidays?”

The change was immediate, and even though he wasn’t looking at Nico, Will felt it. He glanced up and saw Nico, with a stoic expression, scrolling through his phone. “Not much. Dinner, gifts, pretty normal.” He furrowed his eyebrows and changed the song. Will frowned and kept packing, suddenly feeling awkward.

“Do you do anything with your dad? Or like… a tradition?” He shook his head and kept scrolling. “Well, you’re in New York, right? Do you-”

“Will, I don’t do much. I told you, I have dinner, there’s gifts, that’s all. It’s fine. There’s no kids to make a big deal for at my place.” Will bit his lip and focused on his clothes. “What is it?” Will shook his head. “Will, I know you. What is it?”

He sighed and returned to his closet to find more clothes. “You seem upset. And it seems like you don’t want to tell me why.”

“I’m not upset.” Will scoffed and looked at him expectantly, but Nico didn’t budge. “I’m not.”

“Okay.” He kept packing and kept glancing at Nico, shaking his head when Nico asked what was wrong.

To fill the silence, Nico played the movie they rented and waited patiently. Will watched as he packed, trying not to make it seem like he was angry. He wasn’t angry. Just frustrated that Nico had gotten so tense out of nowhere. When he was done packing he rolled the suitcase near the door and returned to his bed where Nico was already waiting with an extended arm.

He smiled and crawled into bed beside him as they watched the movie. Nico’s fingers ran up and down his arm lightly, and Will realized it was all right. There was no argument ensuing, no reason to feel anxious about upsetting each other. He leaned into him and turned his head. He took Nico’s chin in his fingers and kissed him gently. “You look good in my clothes.” Nico smiled and bit his lip, brushing their noses together.  

As the movie came to an end, Will fell asleep.

When his alarm woke him up, he was alone in his bed. There was a note on his desk.

_I had to get back to my dorm. Good luck on your tests today! Text me before you leave. ~Nico (who else?)_

Will smirked and put the note back on his desk. He showered and got dressed so he could get to his test.

Thankfully, his studying had paid off. Maybe the professors had all made the tests easier after Beckendorf. Whatever the case, Will was glad to finish his first test confidently. By the time his second test was up, he’d refreshed his memory and went into it with the same amount of confidence.

“You seem chipper today,” Paolo noted as they left, having finished their tests within seconds of each other.

“I get to go home today. I miss my family.”

Paolo nodded and smiled. “I understand that. I can’t wait to see my family.” They walked for a bit and Paolo inspected him. “That’s not it. You’re walking different. Taller.” Will raised an eyebrow. “Never mind. I have to go finish packing before my parents get me. I’ll see you after break, okay?”

He hugged Will tightly and Will smiled at his friend. “Happy holidays, Paolo. Be safe.”

“You too.” He turned away and Will took a moment to let Nico know he was going to his dorm.

He finished packing a few smaller things and made sure he wasn’t forgetting anything before unplugging everything and locking the door as he left. As he was leaving the building, he saw Nico walking up to him and he rushed over to kiss him lightly on the lips. “How were your tests?”

“Easy. Which was unexpected.” Nico smiled and took the suitcase from him, following him to his car. “When do you leave?”

“In a few hours,” he answered. “Open the trunk.” Will did and Nico hefted the suitcase into it. Will tossed his backpack and duffel bag into the backseat. He turned back to Nico, but before he knew it, Nico’s lips were on his, kissing him and pressing him against the car. “Wow,” he breathed.

Nico chuckled and wrapped his arms around his torso. “If you start feeling sick again, you should check into a hotel. And tell me when you get home, okay? Or I’ll be panicking and thinking something happened.” Will nodded and placed a hand against his cheek. “I’ll miss you so much,” he breathed.

“I’ll miss you too, darling,” he answered. “More than you can imagine.” Nico looked up at him, his eyes turning lighter in the sunlight. He threw his arms around Will’s neck and pulled him into another kiss.

“I adore that Texas twang you get when you call me that,” Nico gushed. “Don’t go,” he begged.

“You have to go too,” Will laughed. “The school kicks us out over break remember?” Nico groaned into Will’s jacket and held him closer.

Will wrapped his arms around him, trying to soak in as much of Nico as he could. “I got you something. And I also made something.” He fished around in his jacket pockets and pulled out what looked like an iPhone. “It’s an iPod. It has a shit ton of memory for all the music you’d want. And that way, you can make playlists for when your taste shifts. Also, I think you can download other music apps, not sure. But anyway, I included a playlist.”

“You made us a playlist?” Nico shrugged. “You are such a romantic sap,” he teased. Nico poked him in the side and Will looked at the iPod. “Um, Neeks, how much did this cost you?” Nico waved the question away. “Where do you even get the money for the gifts you get me? Don’t spend so much on me-”

Nico leaned forward and kissed him. “Sh,” he chided. “Let me spoil you. Besides, think of it as… an early Christmas present.” Will raised an eyebrow, but Nico smiled at him and winked.

“Okay. Fine.” He kissed his cheek and whispered, “I have to go now. I don’t want to get there too late.”

Nico nodded and kissed him again. “Be careful, baby.”

“I will be,” he promised. “And you be careful too. Don’t exhaust yourself driving.” Nico nodded and kissed him yet again, causing Will to laugh. “How many times have we kissed goodbye?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not stopping any time soon,” he answered, each word a warm breath against Will’s lips.

Will bit Nico’s lip and smiled. “Okay.”


End file.
